I. Judge. Everyone.
Seriously… I do. The minute you walk into the room, I will rate you on a scale of one to ten.
I’m quite aware of this most of the time… but right now, I’m sitting at PDX International Airport waiting on a delayed flight sitting next to Chatty Cathy & Rambling Ron. Fortunately, they’ve found each other so I can blog about them in “privacy”. Just kidding. Sort of.
All this got me thinking about all that’s wrong with my thoughts and intentions.
Back to my topic: I judge people.
Not because I’m worried you’re prettier than me.
Not because you may be smarter than me.
Not even because you may have more to offer the world than me.
I am merely judging you on how much I THINK you can hurt me if I let you in.
Life is about relationships. From the shallow “I-sorta-know-you-but-barely-remember-your-name” acquaintance-like relationships to the once in a lifetime DEEP “I-know-what-you’re-thinking-the-moment-I-hear-your-voice” relationship. Whichever way… it’s still a relationship. So, I’m careful about how far I will allow you into my world.
Since my affair, I’ve been WAY more careful about how much and WHO I let into my life. Much of this has been good.
The reality of all this is because I fear being judged. Don’t we all?
In the last year, I’ve invested deeply into a good handful of relationships. Instead of fearing judgment, I’ve INVITED them to judge me. Instead of holding them at arms length, fearing they’ll say something that will hurt my heart, I’ve invited them into my heart, knowing their words MAY tear down parts of my heart, but trusting fully that they will (with the help of our God) rebuild me into who I really was created to be (wow, run-on sentence. whatever).
I can’t stay this way.
Selfish.
Private.
Hiding.
Hurting.
It’s time to rebuild.
I’m going into an weekend with some amazingly wonderful women who I KNOW will “judge” me lovingly and prayerfully rebuild me into who Jenni Clayville was meant to be. It’s time.
Maybe judging isn’t all that bad.
Do YOU judge? More importantly… do you allow yourself to BE judged?

Jenni on Skype: jclayville 













