Jenni Clayville

(… continued from…)

The ‘threshing floor’ was the most painful place I’ve ever been, but I wouldn’t take it back. I hate what I did, but what happened in my spirit outweighs it. That’s where the ‘rejoicing in discipline’ comes in. If you’re being disciplined, then you did something wrong. The rejoicing is not in the selfish gain of sin, but in the grace of the lesson.

I learned to not assume a person is the worst thing they’ve done. The ‘kinship’ I feel within the Body of Christ is with those who are beautifully marked with the scars of the ‘threshing floor’.

I was sifted as wheat. The lies were thrown out and burned. And I felt every bit of it.

So, what’s my story? How can my life, reshaped by sin, possibly glorify God? I wondered that for a long time.

I used to be full of pride and judgment. That was put to death when I fell. I loved God, but was still able to sin. I never believed that was possible. I thought I was good. I thought I had it all figured out and I was vocal about my view of Christianity and I gave God credit for my self-righteous judgment of others. I don’t know how many people I turned away during my own ‘Emperors New Clothes’ parade.

Even so, I wanted to have a real relationship with Him. I wanted to really know Him. I wanted to be used by Him. He gave me the desire of my heart. He let me see my worst and taught me what Christianity was really about. He taught me the truth about wanting to do right, but still doing wrong. He taught me how if felt to be condemned by people who call themselves ‘Christians’. He showed me what it was like to be treated like I was an embarrassment to the cross and anyone who could keep me out was doing God a favor.

God’s arm is not amputated—he can still save. God’s ears are not stopped up—he can still hear. There’s nothing wrong with God; the wrong is in you. -Isaiah 59:1-2

So many people, who fall to the severity that I did, never come back to the Christian community. Even if they believe they’re forgiven and approved, coming back into that nest of hornets is the last thing they’re willing to do. I’m not like that. I don’t care what people think of me. I know what happened in my spirit. I know what God thinks of me and I’ll let Him use me like a hot poker to those who think they know better than He does. People don’t have as much of a problem with the sinner as they do with the audacity of grace.

I did everything wrong, I knew better and He still saved me. It doesn’t take away from the beauty of reconciled marriages. It magnifies the message of grace. You can applaud, rightfully, the man and woman for fighting through every human inclination toward homicide. You can applaud the miraculous power of God to restore trust and passion to a raped marriage. In my story, there’s not a man or woman getting any applause. God is the only one honored here.

Not everyone does the right thing. There are too many people who are not encouraged by a story that can never be their own. I’m here to show that God’s grace doesn’t leave anyone out. This isn’t encouragement to do the wrong thing. This is for people who have already done the wrong thing. My purpose is to show people that you can never go too far. God will always take you back.

So many people think that grace gives the sinner the last laugh. It’s my purpose to explain that grace changes the person into being someone who will choose differently next time. Grace gives the person another chance. If you see me laughing, it’s because I’ve been set free.

I use my voice to reach those who don’t know how dirty Jesus will get to rescue those the rest of the world thinks ‘went too far’.

God is sheer mercy and grace; not easily angered, he’s rich in love. He doesn’t endlessly nag and scold, nor hold grudges forever. He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve, nor pay us back in full for our wrongs. As high as heaven is over the earth, so strong is his love to those who fear him. And as far as sunrise is from sunset, he has separated us from our sins. –Psalm 103:8-12

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Do you think you’re too far gone?

Because GRACE is for SINNERS