Thought I’d bring it back up.

Brian and I have always wanted to adopt.

At first, we were told we couldn’t have children.
Then we lost some.
After 3 years, we started the adoption process.
We were going to Kenya.
Then God did something CRAZY in this barren body.
We got pregnant.
We put adoption on hold.
We bore a child.
We bore a second child.
We still miss the ones we lost.

It’s time.
It’s been time for a long time.

It’s time to love more.
It’s time to give more.
It’s time to listen more.
It’s time to expand.

We love Chance and Paxton.
They are perfect for us.
But we know our family isn’t complete yet.

My heart is missing my child.
My sons are missing a sibling.

So, we’re praying.
We’re praying for God’s timing.
We’re praying for a miracle.
But we know God’s in the business of miracles.

**********

Dear Future Clayville Baby,

I can’t wait to meet you. We have been praying for you from the very beginning… before you were even conceived. There are no accidents… only opportunities. You belong safely nuzzled in our arms.

I wonder if you even exist yet. I mean, I know you exist, but I wonder if you’ve been created yet. I wonder if God is knitting you together in your mama’s womb right now. I wonder if you know THIS mommy already loves you. Chance wants a little sister, but Paxton just wants anything to steamroll over. Whichever way, your place here is reserved.

When will God put you in my arms? And when He does, I wonder if you’ll understand HOW very loved you are. Not only by Mommy and Daddy, Chance and Paxton… but by the mama that loved you enough to put you in our arms.

You’re such a lucky baby.

Though my heart already knows you, I can’t wait to finally see your face.

Love you forever,
Mommy

***********

Have you considered adoption?
Or are you adopted?
What’s your story?

Let’s just be real.

I think my friends are funny. I’m not saying I don’t have un-funny friends… but the reality is most of them are funny… cuz I like to laugh.

If you haven’t seen this yet… it’s about time. Carlos (Twitter: @loswhit) had a youtube video that went VIRAL!

Not that I didn’t laugh at this video or think that it was funny and cute, but in all honesty, I think Carlos has posted other videos that are WAY funnier… so make sure you stay on his youtube page and watch a few more of his videos.

Whichever way. This one is DEFINITELY worth a viewing… or 1,700,000.

The best part of all this is how Carlos has used his “15 minutes” in viral youtube land. He and Heather have boldly talked about adoption and how even though they started out thinking that by adopting Losiah, they would change HIS world… the reality is that LOSIAH has changed THEIR world for the better.

If you are able in any way to adopt, I’d love to invite you to look into what this could look like for your family.

So… tell the truth:
Did YOU laugh at the crying Losiah?

Nicole is the equivalent of the “triple threat” on Broadway… but in real life.  She’s THAT woman that Satan needs to look out for.  She WILL unravel his evil plans just by her willingness to be honest, authentic and real in all her experiences… especially the ones that most people hide.

She first got my attention by her adoption story.  As I got to know her better, I realized she’s more multi-faceted than anyone I’d ever met in my 31 years.  She’s also is a supporting author to XXXChurch.com.

Visit her at her place or follow her on Twitter… but for now, take in the wisdom she brings here.

Nicole – thank you for sharing your heart here.  You are an amazing blessing to me!

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The darkest days of our marriage were the first few months after I learned that my husband had committed adultery. I had been well aware of his struggle with pornography but had been made to believe that it was “under control”. Over a year had passed since I had last discovered porn on his computer and I had come to believe that this scary, hurtful part of our marriage was behind us. I had shut out everything that had happened and naively hoped that if I ignored them, the painful memories would go away. We didn’t discuss it and our lives moved on.

When he confessed, or more accurately admitted, that his addiction had not only resurfaced but crossed a new line from virtual to flesh and blood I was devastated. At the time I was six months pregnant with our daughter and between the hormones and the horrible truth of a one night stand sent me into a deep depression. Everything in my life was suddenly muddy and unclear. Everything that I had ever thought about myself, my husband, my marriage, and my relationship with God was turned upside down by five little words:” I went home with someone”.

I never dreamt that I would recover from this. And at the time I seriously doubted that our marriage would survive. But somehow it did.

I could go on forever about all of the miracles that we witnessed in the years following his confession. I could fill this entire page talking about all of the ways that God has reshaped us as we submitted ourselves to His process of recovery, healing, reconciliation, and restoration. I wish I had hours to tell you about all the ways that God revealed his strength, power, character, and truth to us in our weakness. What I will tell you is that the most important thing I learned on this journey is that the magnitude of my faith is inline with the magnitude of my calling when I am in desperate pursuit of Jesus.

I clung to Mark 5 :27-28 each day during this time. It reads;

“When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought “If I just touch his clothes I will be healed”.

I needed to be reminded to desperately pursue the source of my healing and restoration. Even now when I am feeling lost, alone, hopeless or helpless I remind myself that if I press through whatever is crowding me out and can get close enough just to touch the very tip of the hem of his garment He will call me out of the crowd and restore me.

Are you willing to reach out & touch His cloak?

So here goes:

As most of you know… though we’re pregnant with our second son right now, it wasn’t always this “easy” of a journey for us.

Brian and I were married back in May of 2001. After years of trying to get pregnant, being diagnosed as “infertile” and trying our luck out with infertility treatments (and failing), we finally decided to adopt. In all honesty, it never really mattered to us whether our children came from my womb or not… we just always wanted a big family.

I remember when Brian and I were in pre-marital training, he had said he wanted something like 5 kids. I said 3. But now, I think we’re at 4. God only knows.

ANYHOO!!!

We were well on our way to adopting. We had decided we were going to Kenya and had all our paperwork, finances and dates set up. Now, I have to include this part. Adoption is ridiculously expensive. We didn’t have the financial means to do it, though we had the heart, home and everything else. But then, God provided another family to enter our lives.

A family heard about Brian and me through the grapevine and offered us an interest-free PERSONAL loan to adopt our first child. She was an adopted child herself, and when her mother passed away – leaving her with a chunk of change, she and her husband decided to use the money in a way that would make her mother proud. This made the adoption process almost obstacle free. I’m not sure we could have been more ready.

This was in November 2004.

December 2004 – we found out we were pregnant.

This is when we began to debate whether or not to continue with the adoption. We had lost babies before – we weren’t really banking of this one keeping… though we were hoping with all our might that it would. PLUS, it had seemed God had orchestrated everything else to go so smoothly with the adoption… we didn’t really know what He wanted us to do now. We told our immediate family members and a few close friends, asking for prayer.

At four months into our pregnancy, we decided (with a broken heart) to put the adoption on hold. God had opened the doors to adoption for us before and we knew He would again.

Fast forward to now.

Chance Hayden is going to be THREE on September 1st. Our second son is due November 7th. They are going to be 3 years apart. I get really, REALLY sick with my pregnancies and have decided that due to health reasons, this will be our last pregnancy (unless God has a VERY different plan).

We’re not done raising children. The waiting list for China is over TWO years – maybe THREE. Kenya is no longer really an option for us. Ideally, we’d like to keep our kids 2-3 years apart… which means we need to start our adoption process now. We LITERALLY have to start over – choosing an agency, finding funds, finding a country, etc.

You probably think we’re crazy, weird, out-of-our minds. You’re probably right. However, we’re just getting started.

Did you know: if every family in the United States adopted ONE child, there would not be any orphanages?

God calls us to care for the widows and orphans. Since I don’t really do anything else God tells me to do, I thought I’d do this one.

I could go on and on about this… but I’m not sure what y’all would like to know, so I’ll open it up.

Questions? Comments? Ideas? Advice?