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November 25th, 2011

November 26, 2011 in Chance, Family, Motherhood, Paxton, Personal Entries with 2 Comments

It’s the end of today. November 25th.

It’s been a big day for our family.

Today was…
… the day after Thanksgiving.
… a month before Christmas.
… Paxton’s first nap without his binkie.
… the day Paxton didn’t nap.
… the day Chance lost his first tooth.
… another day I realized my boys are growing up.

Chance’s tooth was barely hanging by a gum-thread (I don’t know if that’s a word, but you totally knew what I was talking about…) so I coaxed him into pulling it. I didn’t want it to break free in the middle of the night and him possibly swallowing it. Yes… that’s how loose it was. So, I made a deal. Pull the tooth and get to stay up 30 minutes later AND have ice cream.

That worked.

Here’s the video we shot while we pulled his tooth out. He was so nervous he started tearing up as I tied the string around his tooth:

He cried for 1 minute. The bleeding stopped in 2 minutes. And then this next video was made:

On this day after Thanksgiving, I’m thankful I get to be a part of every milestone my boys go through. I’m thankful both Brian and I get to be present in their lives. We know that’s not the way our lives could have gone… and for the miracle of life and love… I’m SO eternally grateful.

What are YOU thankful for at this moment?

Happy 6th Birthday, Chance!

September 1, 2011 in Chance, Family, Motherhood with 23 Comments

Today, my firstborn, Chance, turns 6.

I know I say this all the time… but I really feel like we JUST found out we were pregnant after 3+ years of being told we were infertile. I can’t believe he’s so big.

————–

My dearest Chance,

You never cease to amaze me. Every minute longer I get to be your Mommy only reminds me of how undeserving I really am of this privilege.

You are kind.
You are considerate.
You are loving.
You have deep compassion.
You’re inquisitive.
You strive to be the best in all things.
You love your brother… even when he’s not all that kind to you.
You are SO smart.
You are patient (most of the times).
You can see the good in everyone.
You love Jesus.
You love Daddy and me.
You are quick to forgive… which is amazing because I mess up a lot.
You are quick to ask for forgiveness.
You have an unquenchable desire to learn.
You have a strong sense of justice.
But your extension of grace is stronger.

I know I’m your Mama… but you teach me something new about Jesus every day. And I want to thank you for that.

Daddy and I thank God every day that He let us be a part of your life. You make us better than we were before. You make our family whole.

Chance… I love you more than words could ever express… but I hope you never stop hearing us tell you with the words we DO know.

You will always have my heart. Happy 6th Birthday, my sweet boy!

Love you forever, I like you for always, as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be,
Mommy

Chance at 5 years

Chance at 4 years

Chance at 3 years

Chance at 2 years

Chance at 1 year

Chance’s first few days

Take a minute and wish my boy a happy birthday.
We’ll read this together when he comes home from school.

……………………….

Some photos from his birthday party last Saturday are below.

Helpless

August 29, 2011 in Chance, Family, Motherhood, Personal Entries with 10 Comments

I hate feeling helpless. In all areas of my life. And though I can honestly say that I embrace the feeling of helplessness a lot more than I used to…

… I still hate it.

The two worst kinds of helplessness (in my opinion) is in natural disasters and watching your children suffer. Combine the two… and I’m not sure I would survive any of that mentally or emotionally. I fortunately haven’t had to ever endure the double whammy and pray hard that I won’t ever have to… but this week, I watched one of my children suffer.

Chance started with a dry cough two Wednesdays ago, the day before school started. The cough hasn’t gone away, but it wasn’t paired with congestion or fever… so we just watched him. The cough got worse. More frequent. Still no pairings but it kept him (and the rest of the house) up at night. Other than being exhausted during the day, he still seemed “fine”… till last Thursday.

He had the school call for us to pick him up from school. He had a low grade fever (99.6*… honestly, I think everyone runs hotter here in El Paso) and so we did. That afternoon, he seemed fine. He even tried to weasel his way into playing games and watching movies. I gently told him, “If you come home from school sick, there are no games, no toys and no movies. All you get to do is nap and read.” That made him want to go back to school.

But then, the next day, he was still in bed asleep at 7:45am. This is rare for our kids. They’re usually up at 5:30am, praising Jesus and such (not really). I just called in sick for him. At certain points in the day, Chance would cough so hard and for such long periods of time, he would turn completely red & purple. I tried not to show panic, but I knew he couldn’t breathe.

His birthday party was on Saturday. I thought about canceling it, but again, by afternoon, he seemed fine.

Saturday came and went… all seemed well. Other than being a bit tired and slow, Chance seemed normal. But then on Sunday… OH SUNDAY… the boy basically slept all day. And when he woke up from his nap, he had a small rash on his left cheek. After dinner, it spread to under his chin, and by bedtime, it was all the way to his right cheek as well.

I panicked.

I took pictures and texted them to my friend, Anne, who also happens to be the NP at Chance’s Ped’s office. She said not to panic (yeah… right!) and to come in first thing in the morning.

8:30am rolls around and Chance and I are the FIRST ONES in that office. What’s interesting was when Chance woke up in the morning, his face was completely clear. We had nothing to show Anne there… but she did discover that Chance couldn’t take a deep breath without coughing and had an ear infection.

Chance’s very first ear infection.

Well… he got his first swimmers ear earlier this summer… but it’s not quite the same thing.

Thank God for Medicaid for the boys because Anne could prescribe the exact medications Chance needed to kill this virus without any extra cost to us. We came home with a nebulizer and meds for his ear infection and cough. Well… sort of. He went down for his nap first before taking any of that and woke up like THIS:

No itch. Not warm to the touch. No raised bumps. He didn’t even know he looked like this till I showed him this picture.

Before you ask, no I didn’t change detergent, lotions, or anything else that would cause this. And within the hour, the rash disappeared… again.

Always after his nap. The only thing I could think of was he must have brought an allergen home and shared it with his bed so I took all his bedding and sleep loveys and tossed them in the wash. On HOT.

I honestly think it’s allergies. I had really horrible asthma AND eczema as a kid and  ”outgrew” it (even though I still get it if I hang out with cats too long) so Chance could very well be experiencing the negative sides of my gene pool.

All this to say… I feel HELPLESS. I’m doing my best for my little boy… but his little body just has to fight the rest off.

So, I’m asking you… in my helplessness… please help me. Pray for Chance. Pray for me. Pray for all of us.

To end it on an upper… Chance looks, feels and acts a LOT better since starting his meds today. Here’s the video we took from tonight:

I’m hoping with all his clean bedding, he’ll wake up good as new. I’ll keep you updated.

Thank you in advance for intercessing on our behalf!

First Impressions

June 9, 2011 in Chance, Faith, Family, Motherhood with 10 Comments

On Sunday, I invited my friend, Abby, and her two girls, Eden & Charlotte over to play with our kids at the pool.

My family uses our apartment pool religiously. This is almost a daily deal for us because it’s so warm here in El Paso. The kids work out their energy and sleep well at night. We also get our share of vitamin D. It’s a win-win.

On this day, a little girl, that looked older than Chance but was obviously younger (she looked 6 but was probably 3) when she started speaking, struck up a conversation with Chance and Eden. Younger kids that look bigger than Chance are not out of the norm. My kids got my short genes.

This little girl was the friendliest and sweetest thing. When she spoke, you could hear she struggled with a little bit of a speech impediment and it was clear that English was her second language. As she was chatting with Chance, I saw him crane his neck out to try to understand.

As they were chatting, I heard Chance say: “Did you go to church today?”

I leaned in. This conversation could go two ways. Is Chance gonna evangelize or is he gonna pour judgment down? The little girl answered… but I couldn’t hear what she said. Apparently, neither could Chance because the next thing that came out of his mouth APPALLED me.

“I don’t know what you’re saying! Why do you talk like a baby?”

I called out his name, gave him ‘the look’ and mouthed “be kind!” to him. He nodded and turned back to his conversation. I heard him introduce himself and ask her name. Then Eden introduced herself.

The little girl repeated: “Ethan?”
Eden: “No… EDEN.”
Little girl: “EeeeeTTTTTHHHHan?”

Then came Chance. Frustrated. Clearly irritated and rude.

“NO! EEEEEDDDDDEEEEEN!!! It’s EDEN!!!”

Aw HEEEEEEEEEEECK no! I called him over right then and we talked about how our words and how we use them can hurt peoples’ feelings. I explained that this little girl doesn’t speak English very well and asked him, “How would you feel if everyone was speaking Spanish and then talked to you the way you just talked to her when you tried to speak to them?” I had to explain that just because this little girl was bigger than him didn’t me she could communicate at the same level as him.

Then he sat out for a short time-out for purposely being mean and rude.

As I sat on this more, I thought of how much I’m like Chance in this situation. I look at someone and assume so much. Before they can even defend themselves, I’ve already decided what should be. I sit on my first impressions and think I have it all figured out. What’s interesting is many of the people who made a great first impression in my life often don’t make the lasting impression on me. On the other hand, the friends I appreciate the most in my life didn’t always make the best first impression but I see the most amazing character and personality now.

I’ve come a long way from what I used to be but I’ve still got such a long way to go.

Now… how do I train my kids to see what I am still learning myself?

The Hiding

June 7, 2011 in Chance, Family, Home, Motherhood with 25 Comments

Chance has a doggy blankie that he sleeps with every night. He has slept with this “lovey” since crib days. His Nina (Brian’s Mom) bought it for him even before he was born. It’s his security.

Last night, as we were tucking him into bed, we couldn’t find his doggy blankie. This is somewhat normal. He takes it out to the living room when he watches tv or into our room when he wakes up. But we looked in all the usual spots and couldn’t find it.

Finally, Chance says, “OH YEAH!” and pulls it out from under Paxton’s toddler bed (which has a bedskirt).

You see… we had friends over today. HE had friends over today.

I asked him, “Why did you hide your doggy blankie?”
Chance: “Because I didn’t want anyone to know I sleep with something.”
Me: “Were you embarrassed?”
Chance: “Yeah. I didn’t want them to make fun of me.”
Me: “Well, honey… We can tuck him away whenever you have friends over if you want.”

Here stood my five year old, with his LITERAL security blanket in his hand, admitting that at times, that same security blanket he knew his whole life could possibly be what threatened his security… at least in the eyes of his peers. What’s interesting is these specific friends have never been over and have never even said anything about lovey’s. But apparently, one of his friends did at one time.

I was ready to do whatever it took to help him find security in this situation. I agreed to help hide his doggy blankie whenever he needed, but inside… I died a little.

I knew this day would come. The day that my kids would feel like they had to hide a part of them from people. But I honestly didn’t think it was going to happen so soon.

Even with Brian and me being intentional in building security around our kids and making sure they know they are greatly loved as they are… the realization that the world is not safe for them is still very real and unstoppable.

And that… is just awful!
I am not ready.

Recycling Crayons

June 6, 2011 in Chance, Crafts, Family, Motherhood with 3 Comments

Brian and I have a 5 year-old and 2 year-old.

They love to draw. Both of them. We love that. But they are SO hard on their crayons. The break crayons as if it were their JOB. Sometimes, I catch them breaking them on purpose… just because they can. But how upset can you really get? They’re drawing… and they’re just crayons.

However… our craft box gets cluttered… so we cleaned and organized as a fun project the other day.

We recycled crayons:

And when they cooled, they popped right out and were ready to use. Paxton actually likes using the crayon discs more than Chance does, but that’s the difference between a 2 year old and a 5 year old :)

The best part of this whole project was the table and talk time I had with Chance while we were “peeling all the crayons naked” (as Chance’s put it). We talked about what he likes in school and what his favorite projects and hobbies are and how annoyed he gets that Paxton bullies him sometimes. I listened and asked more questions.

So, as we gave these forgotten crayon stubs a second chance… I got time to invest solely into my oldest son.

I wouldn’t trade those moments for anything.
What projects do you do with your family?
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