Church Planting |

Archive - Church Planting RSS Feed

Hello 2012

January 2, 2012 in Church Planting, Faith, Family, Forgiveness, Life Experience, Personal Entries, Prayer, Second Chances with 1 Comment

I’ve been quietly watching as my twitter & facebook feeds update with many of my friends talking about their New Year’s Resolutions.

I have none.

Not that I have anything against resolutions or people who have them. I’ve seen many of my friends make resolutions and keep them EVERY YEAR. They’re amazing. But it’s not for me. Not anymore.

Last year, we moved 1,700 miles away from everything we knew. In the last 12 months, we’ve been stretched and worked. And though it was challenging, it was worth it. Every. Minute.

And I’ve learned a lot. A LOT…

… about who God is. That He is exactly who He claims to be. And that He’ll truly provide when you believe you have nothing left.

… about my family. About how courageous they are. About how loving they are. About how forgiving they are. I’ve learned that Brian is my protector, my cheerleader and the center of my every earthly desire. I’ve learned that my life is where he is. And from my two sons, I’ve learned about grace and determination and how to apply that in every day life. My kids are amazing.

… about my friends. I’ve learned how some really are more family than the “family” I was born into and how these friends are part of God’s gift of restoration in my life. If I were Job, these friends would be my second birth family… and I am thankful for second chances.

… about myself. I’m not even close to the same person I was three years ago. And I’m really starting to like myself for who I really am. I’m not saying “I’ve arrived” or that I don’t have stuff to work on. I’m forever a work in progress. But I like myself, maybe even love myself, more than I ever have.

And I’ve learned all this because I didn’t create resolutions I knew I was going to break. Sure, I had some goals… because we all need goals in life… but mostly, I prayed… and I listened. I really, really LISTENED because I wanted to clearly hear that ONE Voice that matters most to me. And when He spoke, and I obeyed… I learned.

2012 is just an extension of 2011. A continued journey for me.

So, no resolutions. No “I promise till I forget”. Just simply… I’m here. And I’m ready.

Carpe Diem. LET’S GO!!!

Refuge SSI

November 29, 2011 in Church Planting, Faith, Forgiveness, Life Experience, Ministry, Missions with 5 Comments

It’s been a month since I was in St. Simon’s Island, Georgia retreating with other ministry leader types at Refuge.

I’m not sure what I was expecting in this whole ordeal… but what I got was worth more than any dollar amount.

Upon arrival, I was:
** tired
** burning out
** lacking creativity
** boxed in
** breathless
** restless
** spiritually dry

What I expected was some down time, get to spend some time with friends, moments of intimate worship (not planned out or developed by me) and a brilliant speaker to help re-align me and put me back on the Jesus track. And I got that… and SO much more.

In my time at this retreat, I found and got connected to the most healing peace I have ever felt. Nothing was rushed, the Holy Spirit guided… and we followed. Ian Cron (by the way… do yourself a favor and pick up his newest book, Jesus, My Father, The CIA and Me: A Memoir… of Sorts this Christmas holiday. One of the best books I’ve ever read!) was our main speaker, and he guided us through a journey of shalom, allowing us to address and recognize the parts of our lives that aren’t usually safe to mention in some Christian circles. He gave us time to grieve, celebrate, worship & just be.

For the first time in a long time, I felt truly pastored (and that’s coming from me… as a Pastor).

Personally, I found myself forgiving my mother at a whole new level. I forgave myself, the adulteress, at a whole new level, and forgave myself as a mother, the ways I’ve failed my boys already… and the ways I know I’ll fail them in the future. I like to call that “preventative forgiving”. One of the greatest things was getting to do this with others just like me.

It was profound.

Most importantly… I got REAL, HONEST time with God. In the few days I was there, God filled me fuller than I have been in years… maybe ever… and released me to be exactly what He created me to be. Flaws and all.

Upon departure, I was:
** revived
** ready
** full of creativity
** released
** excited
** rested
** spiritually drenched in Truth

I’m so thankful I got this opportunity to be even more restored. I’m grateful to get to take another step in my journey towards freedom.

I don’t know if they’ll hold this retreat again next year… but I hope they do. And if they do… I will move mountains to make sure I’m there.

Because in the end… I’m better for it.
What’s something you’d move mountains to do/keep doing?

Change

November 11, 2011 in Adultery, Church Planting, Faith, Life Experience, Marriage, Missions with 1 Comment

My good friends, Justin & Trisha, asked me to guest post about transitions… and man, oh man, have we gone through transitions. So, I wrote. Here’s what I wrote:

Robert C. Gallagher once said, “Change is inevitable – except from a vending machine.”

For most of my life, I fought against change. My life felt so chaotic I honestly believe my fight for control was justified only by the means of survival. However… once I wasn’t threatened by eggshells and every day chaos, I still hung onto that control (or perceived control) for dear life. Probably because I didn’t know any different.

But then, for the first time in my life… I knowingly hurt myself. In July 2006, I voluntarily broke my marriage vows and stepped into an affair that unfortunately lasted 2 years. I could no longer control any aspect of my life because the choice I made was uncontrollable. 3 years after the affair began, I confessed my infidelity to my husband.

In the process of confessing my biggest moral failure to my husband, then to my closest family & friends, then to our outer circle, and finally publishing it for all to read and watch… I was finally truly letting go of my grasp on control and truly giving it to God, trusting Him to really take care of me better than I could take care of myself. It was amazing. Without me behind the wheel, I saw so much more around me because I wasn’t focused on the unending road in front of me. I could take in the beauty effortlessly. And while I was taking it all in, God was restoring me, my marriage, my family and my heart.

I gave Him even more of me. In fact, I gave him my gifts, my talents, my desires… my life. And what did He do???

… Read the rest HERE at RefineUs.org

Conflicted

August 17, 2011 in Church Planting, Faith, Friends, Ministry, Paseo, Personal Entries with 12 Comments

Last Sunday, Steve (our Community Pastor), announced he was leaving his on staff position at Paseo.

In the last seven months since joining Paseo, the staff team has melted into a pretty tight-knit family. I’ve written times before that I felt each and every one of us served a specific purpose on the team and just about every need and area of concern could be covered due to the variances of each team members strengths and expertise. Steve has always been a part of that.

Steve has also lived here in El Paso (though he is a native Oregonian) the longest out of all the staff members and was the other start-up Paseo staff member alongside Greg. That’s a lot of history.

I know God has released Steve from his position here at Paseo… and part of me is extremely proud of him for following God’s prompting. The other larger and more selfish part of me is extremely sad to not have him be a part of the team anymore because he always helped make the difficult parts of ministry easier with his team work and lovable (and laughable) personality.

Aside from just the “work” side of it… The Jolly’s have quickly become good friends of ours. They are some of our favorite people. Anne has always made herself available to me and my kids (she’s a Nurse Practitioner) and has extended a lot of help and resources with our family not being medically insured. She has made life and health a lot more attainable and given us comfort within our spirits. Not many friends can do that.

Then, there are Steve & Anne’s kids: Abby & Caleb. Chance loves, loves, LOVES Caleb because he’s the bigger boy and Chance learns the most amazing things from him. Caleb has an incredible imagination and is a very good artist. Chance is a better artist and a more well-rounded, imaginative boy because of Caleb’s leading. Abby is older and is the most hands-on “Mama’s helper”. She is one of Paxton’s favorite people. He actually asks for her in the middle of the day or before he goes to bed sometimes (I would be more concerned about this if Pax was 16, but he’s 2). To know my baby loves someone that I know loves him back so much just melts my heart.

I know they’re not going anywhere as a family… but let’s be honest… you really have to put in extra effort in relationships when you don’t see each other on a regular basis. And though the Jolly’s don’t currently have any plans on leaving Paseo (as members) or El Paso… I think anyone who’s ever been in ministry knows we don’t get to make those decisions if we are really following God’s calling.

So, I’m conflicted. I want to be happy for them… for moving forward… for following God’s call to not be as comfortable… but all I really want to do is back up a few weeks and somehow help them change their minds… and God’s call in the process. Because I’m not like Steve & Anne…

I would prefer to stay comfortable in what I know.

How about you? Do you prefer COMFORT or CALLING?

———————

Sidenote: if you have a moment, please CLICK HERE and pray over every person on our staff team. It’s been a tough year, and it doesn’t look like it will be easing up anytime soon. Plus with the adjustments of losing a team member, the balance we currently know as a team will be tested and rebalanced. That won’t be comfortable… so please pray for us.

Thank you!

Standing in the Gap

July 6, 2011 in Church Planting, Faith, Family, Life Experience, Ministry, Missions, Paseo with 20 Comments

A few posts ago, I asked what you wanted me to write about and you guys gave me some GREAT topics. So, I decided to go with my friend, Crystal’s, request first:

write about life as a missionary and the challenges and joys that come with it… as well as the life of redemption God is currently walking you through. what are you learning? what is God showing you to work on (cause we all know none of us have arrived yet).

I never thought I’d be a missionary. If I’m completely honest… I thought coming out after my affair would take me out of ministry permanently mostly because I was always taught sinners don’t have a place on the platform. Good thing that’s not true.

In fact, God not only restored Brian and my marriage but He’s currently redeeming our faith journey.

Being missionaries has been fulfilling and at the same time, absolutely alienating. We are in a foreign land. El Paso is in Texas, but we can LITERALLY see Mexico from where we are. Everyone here speaks Spanish. Everyone but us. I feel like I’m standing in the gap between “I know my purpose” and “what have I gotten myself into?”.

As surrounded and as embraced as we are by Paseo… we still don’t feel like we fit in. I still think this move was the best thing for our family unit. We’ve gotten to test the core of our family a bit in all this, and I can’t say I’m disappointed. I’m just saying following God’s call isn’t easy. However…

Community is happening here. Ministry is happening here.

In fact, Brian just left to go play poker at a nearby bar/restaurant. He goes, because there are regulars there. He goes because we’ve decided to be a PART of the community here… not call them to gather around us. Brian goes because two weeks ago, he got to share our story with a man there who isn’t churched. And in that conversation, that man asked Brian to meet with him regularly to talk about life… as it’s really lived. So Brian goes.

Our next door neighbor is going through a divorce. A divorce that is not his first choice. His Mom was just here for a month so she could watch his 4 year-old, Kristian, while he was on duty. He’s in the military so he’s gone days at a time. His estranged wife, who is abusive in ways that are unspeakable, agreed to sign divorce papers and hand over custody of Kristian if he would pay her a small amount (yes, she basically sold her child to him). He’s hurting. His little boy is hurting. So Chance and Paxton play with him. I share my wireless internet access with them.

I sat at their kitchen table talking to his Mom for two hours two weeks ago. I just listened. To the hurting heart of a mother for her beloved son and grandson. Of the grief over the dissipating dreams of having a relationship with her only daughter-in-law. Pain.

As much as I can’t yet say I fit in, I know without a doubt we are called here. We truly love the people and culture of El Paso. I don’t believe we’re called here to be healers or to fix anything. I feel we’re just called to actively BE here and let others know they’re not alone.

So… here we are..
… the whole Clayville Clan…
… with no agenda…
… just standing in the gap…
… till they let Jesus fill it in.

And in the times I’m most homesick for what is most familiar… I remember… not everyone gets to be and do what I’m being and doing. Not everyone takes the challenge to truly live.

Carpe Diem!
How are YOU seizing the day?

A Bit of Water

June 2, 2011 in Church Planting, Faith, Friends, Ministry, Paseo with 6 Comments

A couple of weeks ago, we had baptisms at Paseo.

I FINALLY downloaded my photos so I thought I’d introduce you to a few people and share their stories.

This is Maurice. Seven months ago, he walked onto a construction work site overseen by Rusty, a Paseo member, and asked for a job. Rusty… who is a natural shepherder, took Maurice under his wing as well as introduced him to Steve (our Community Pastor). Maurice immediately saw something amazingly different in his new boss, and in response stayed out of jail, was consistent in showing up for work and soon accepted Jesus into his heart. Maurice has been clean for almost 3 months now and was the first in his family and friends to invite Christ into his life. Steve baptized Maurice.

This is Amorette. And her dad, Vico, got to baptize her. When kids choose baptism, it always gets me. When parents get to baptize them, that gets me even more. I just keep imagining Brian hopefully baptizing our sons one day and I just light up. So often, we put kids in the box of “they’re kids and don’t really know what they’re doing…” but I remember being a kid and I remember knowing SOME things for certain. Just as certain as I am about those things today. This was one of the certainties I knew about at 12. And the reality is life only gets more difficult after this… so please keep Amorette in your prayers.

This is Mara. She’s Greg’s middle child and only daughter. She’s one of the most passionate people I know. And when Mara makes up her mind, very little can happen to steer her decision away. Mara is also good friends with Amorette… so it was really sweet to see two buddies make a decision to be baptized on the same day together… but separately. Seeing Greg & Jill’s face during all this just melted my heart too. We spend a lot of time with the Hunt’s so, watching Mara get baptized is watching a family member publicly declare her life for good.

This is Rosie. Three months ago, she found herself evicted from her apartment and homeless. Nick (our Leadership Resident for Community Engagement) and his roommate, Andy, gave her a couch to crash on so she could get back on her feet. In the process, Rosie began attending Nick’s Paseo Home group and found Christ there. She’s now on her own feet again and has a new best friend in Jesus. Sometimes, it really takes a rock-bottom to see really see Jesus for who He is… our SAVIOR. Nick, of course, got the amazing privilege of baptizing Rosie into our eternal family.

This exactly what Paseo is about.
This is exactly what my heart beats for.
This is EXACTLY why Brian and I uprooted our family, left everything we knew 1,800 miles away and raise our own support to do what we do down here.

Giving hope to the hopeless and changing lives for Christ.

Your turn.
Share a “hope” story with us!