It’s my birthday. Today, I turned 33. It’s been a good day so far…

… but it is extremely bittersweet.

Last night, my sweet friend, Sara, went Home to be with Jesus. She was SO sick… her body kept her captive… but today, she is painless and free.

We knew two weeks ago this day was coming. Strike that. We knew 4 years ago this day was coming. Our girl hung on for a long time. But it was time. Because there is a time for everything.

Time.

Two days ago, my friends, Shane & Brandi, gave birth to a beautiful, healthy boy named Jude. He’s gorgeous. He smells like a fresh baby (Moms… y’all know what I’m talking about!) and when he cries, it is that sweet, gentle, cooing cry.

I got to hold him today and looked deep into his eyes. His sweet baby’s breath as his proof of life. And as I held him I couldn’t help but see Sara. Somewhere in the last 2 days, a swap happened. Life happened. Death happened. Time happened.

Not that Jude’s life is somehow a swap for Sara’s. Not at all. But time happened.

Jude is here.
Sara is gone.
I turned 33.

Time.

And Sara has taught us how to use our time well. Every minute Sara lived pointed upwards… to someOne bigger. And I want to live like that too.

Today… my birthday wish is for prayer. That you would pray for Sara’s family and friends as they mourn and celebrate her amazing life. That you would pray for Jude — the amazing life he has been blessed with and that he gets to know Jesus as his own personal Savior at an early age. And for me… in my bittersweet… to taste more of the sweet because that hint of bitter is present.

And for the present. And that it’s used for His glory.

Because it’s time.

My sweet and beautiful friend, Sara (we call her Gitz), has been sick for a long time.

We met 3 years ago through the blogosphere and somehow connected strongly. Since then… she’s been present through every single one of my life altering situations. All from the confines of her small condo. She even attended Brian and my vow renewal from her home with some live video help from Brent.

Sara has Ankylosing Spondylitis. This life stealing disease eventually kept her homebound. And now… hospice has arrived to take care of her in her last days.

All of us knew this day would come. We just didn’t really think it would come so soon. She’s young. She loves Jesus. She’s a part of our lives.

I watched her get sicker.
Chance watched her get sicker.

We’ve been video chatting quite a bit in the last 3 years… and on good days, she’d only lunge forward in pain maybe 5 times. On the worst of days, we would have to cut the chatting short. Then she’d send a text afterwards apologizing even though there was absolutely no need for the apology.

At the beginning of our video chat relationship, Sara used to turn the webcam when pain hit… which only caused me to worry more because I then couldn’t see if she was going to “alright” afterwards. But Chance usually sat in with us on this chats, and Sara did that to protect him. She didn’t want him to get scared. And I love her for that.

Though Sara was confined to her home due to her illness, her spirit was NEVER confined there. A disease like this can cause you to look inward, feel sorry for yourself, lose hope and shut down. But not Sara.

Sara has always been present and alive.

We were a part of the same LifeGroup Online through much of my most difficult times. She sent me “this-song-made-me-think-of-you” emails as I was healing. And Sara made sure I was always stocked with her self-made personalized stationary. She always made me laugh at how creatively she could string words together to make a sentence. And she is a prayer warrior. I knew she was ALWAYS praying for me, my family, my marriage and my kids. And her insight into the Word of God… her insight… there are no words.

Sara made my life better. More joyful. She has taught me a lot about joy. About CHOOSING Joy.

Last night, while putting Chance & Pax to bed, Chance prayed for “Gitzy” as he often does… but tonight he prayed:

“God, please make a miracle and heal Gitzy’s body so she can visit us soon.”

I didn’t know what to say then. I just cried. But this morning… I know his prayer will be answered. Not the way he expects. But God is going to heal Sara’s body 100%. And we WILL see her soon.

In tears, I say this. I know Sara’s body has had all it can take. She’s ready to leave this life of pain and be with Jesus. She’s ready to take a full breath in again. She’s ready to go Home and laugh without pain. To run without needing to stop. To have  no more restrictions. And it’s time.  But I’m not ready for Jesus to take her Home. I’m just being honest. I feel heartbroken. And selfish. And I know if she knew, she would tell me to stop crying. Because she’s ready to go Home.

Thank you, Sara, for the imprint you’ve made on my heart. You will live forever on earth through our hearts. So many love you because you have loved so many.

I love you. Greatly.
And though you leaving us here SUCKS. I’m Choosing Joy.

———-

You can read more posts about Sara at Jessica’s.
And my favorite tribute to her by Matthew.