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Hello 2012

January 2, 2012 in Church Planting, Faith, Family, Forgiveness, Life Experience, Personal Entries, Prayer, Second Chances with 1 Comment

I’ve been quietly watching as my twitter & facebook feeds update with many of my friends talking about their New Year’s Resolutions.

I have none.

Not that I have anything against resolutions or people who have them. I’ve seen many of my friends make resolutions and keep them EVERY YEAR. They’re amazing. But it’s not for me. Not anymore.

Last year, we moved 1,700 miles away from everything we knew. In the last 12 months, we’ve been stretched and worked. And though it was challenging, it was worth it. Every. Minute.

And I’ve learned a lot. A LOT…

… about who God is. That He is exactly who He claims to be. And that He’ll truly provide when you believe you have nothing left.

… about my family. About how courageous they are. About how loving they are. About how forgiving they are. I’ve learned that Brian is my protector, my cheerleader and the center of my every earthly desire. I’ve learned that my life is where he is. And from my two sons, I’ve learned about grace and determination and how to apply that in every day life. My kids are amazing.

… about my friends. I’ve learned how some really are more family than the “family” I was born into and how these friends are part of God’s gift of restoration in my life. If I were Job, these friends would be my second birth family… and I am thankful for second chances.

… about myself. I’m not even close to the same person I was three years ago. And I’m really starting to like myself for who I really am. I’m not saying “I’ve arrived” or that I don’t have stuff to work on. I’m forever a work in progress. But I like myself, maybe even love myself, more than I ever have.

And I’ve learned all this because I didn’t create resolutions I knew I was going to break. Sure, I had some goals… because we all need goals in life… but mostly, I prayed… and I listened. I really, really LISTENED because I wanted to clearly hear that ONE Voice that matters most to me. And when He spoke, and I obeyed… I learned.

2012 is just an extension of 2011. A continued journey for me.

So, no resolutions. No “I promise till I forget”. Just simply… I’m here. And I’m ready.

Carpe Diem. LET’S GO!!!

November 25th, 2011

November 26, 2011 in Chance, Family, Motherhood, Paxton, Personal Entries with 3 Comments

It’s the end of today. November 25th.

It’s been a big day for our family.

Today was…
… the day after Thanksgiving.
… a month before Christmas.
… Paxton’s first nap without his binkie.
… the day Paxton didn’t nap.
… the day Chance lost his first tooth.
… another day I realized my boys are growing up.

Chance’s tooth was barely hanging by a gum-thread (I don’t know if that’s a word, but you totally knew what I was talking about…) so I coaxed him into pulling it. I didn’t want it to break free in the middle of the night and him possibly swallowing it. Yes… that’s how loose it was. So, I made a deal. Pull the tooth and get to stay up 30 minutes later AND have ice cream.

That worked.

Here’s the video we shot while we pulled his tooth out. He was so nervous he started tearing up as I tied the string around his tooth:

He cried for 1 minute. The bleeding stopped in 2 minutes. And then this next video was made:

On this day after Thanksgiving, I’m thankful I get to be a part of every milestone my boys go through. I’m thankful both Brian and I get to be present in their lives. We know that’s not the way our lives could have gone… and for the miracle of life and love… I’m SO eternally grateful.

What are YOU thankful for at this moment?

Happy 3, Paxton!

November 6, 2011 in Family, Life Experience, Motherhood, Paxton, Personal Entries with 13 Comments

Three years ago today, I walked into an O.R. at St. Vincent’s Hospital in Portland, Oregon. 30 minutes later, I saw them pull Paxton out of where he was so comfortably housed for the 10 months prior.

In the last 3 years… my life, my attitude, my understanding of God, love, grace and marriage has completely changed who I am.

Pax means “peace”… and that is exactly what my little man has brought me. And today, I am reminded of how thankful and humbled I am to be a mother to two amazing little boys.

My Dearest Paxton,

You are the most amazing little boy.
You are funny.
You are creative.
You have the most amazing personality.
You are so, so, SO intelligent.
You seem to always know what to say to get out of trouble.
You love to sing.
You love to sing about Jesus.
You ask the most amazing questions.
You give the most amazing hugs.
Looking at you gives me joy from deeper than I knew existed.
You are sensitive.
You are mischievous enough to keep me on my toes.
You are stubborn & decisive, which tells me you’ll be a great leader.
But you are also quick to apologize and ask for forgiveness.
Your little mind humbles me… just to know you.

I love the conversations we have while Chance is at school. I’m not looking forward to the day when I have to share our time with the school… but I know you are ready to learn and grow even more.

Your arrival three years ago completed our family and helped restore my heart from the darkest of places. Your existence reminds me of God’s love, peace, grace and healing. You just being alive reminds me of the purpose God gave me in this world. Thank you, sweet, Paxton.

I thank God every day that He let’s me be your Mommy. Thank you, Pax, for loving me back!

I love you forever. I like you for always. As long as I’m living. My baby you’ll be.
Love, Mommy

Paxton (3)

Paxton (2)

Paxton (1)

Paxton (8 days old)

Joanne

November 3, 2011 in Faith, Family, Life Experience, POTSC, Prayer, Second Chances with 15 Comments

Brian, me and our two boys went to Phoenix this past few days to attend Brian’s grandfather’s funeral. Grandpa Forest passed away on Friday evening. The services were beautiful (he had a memorial service at the church as well as a military funeral service at the cemetery). I’ll write more about this later because it was one of the most beautiful events I’ve ever observed.

Our 8 hour drive was somewhat uneventful. Some traffic. Stopped for dinner. Lots of potty breaks.

We pulled off the freeway. It’s 9:30pm.Way past the boys’ bedtimes. But 5 minutes till we were home. Good enough. I look down to text Mom & Dad to tell them we were almost home when Brian pulls the car over and exclaims:

“That guy is punching her in the face!”

WHAT??? I look behind me on the sidewalk and I see two dark figures struggling. The next few minutes feel like a whirlwind.

Brian parks the car to the side of the street (no parking on this street, mind you) and gets out.
He runs toward the couple and steps in front of the girl.
Chance unbuckles his seat belt, “I wanna go too!”
Me: “NOPE! Get back in your carseat!”
I call 9-1-1.
“9-1-1 Operator, what is your emergency?”
“There’s a man here hitting a girl on the street.”
I give our location.
He’s no longer hitting her, but he’s yelling.
She’s yelling back.
Brian says to the not-so-gentleman, “You need to just walk away.”
The guy flings a few crude & uneducated words into the air and walks away.
Girl is crying.
I just hold her. She’s shaking.
I don’t know what to say.
Me: “I’m Jenni. What’s your name?”
Her: “Joanne.”
Me: “Joanne, can we take you somewhere?”
She doesn’t have anywhere to go.
It’s freakin’ cold outside.
I crank up the heat in our car and put her in the passenger seat.
Police show up.
Then another pulls up.
Then a police truck pulls up.
Then a firetruck.
WHAT IS GOING ON???
Chance & Pax are in police car & firetruck heaven.
We give our reports to the officers.
They question her. She lies. Denies everything.
My heart drops.

Once the police were out of earshot, I sat with her again.

I asked her, “Why didn’t you tell them the truth?”
She replied, “Lady… I love him. I don’t have anywhere to go.”
“We can get you help.”
“I really appreciate you for taking time, but I’m nobody.”

I grabbed her hand and made her look at me in the eyes…

“Listen carefully, Joanne. This is important! You are NOT a nobody. If you were nobody, we wouldn’t have stopped. We wouldn’t be here right now. You are somebody. You are somebody beautiful and special. I don’t know who told you you weren’t but they are liars. I see you are breath-taking and worth so much more than you know. I KNOW you are somebody… and I hope you believe that about yourself someday too.”

She cried.

“That’s really nice of you. You don’t even know me.”
I tell her, “I know enough.”

I wrote down my phone number for her. And my email address (just in case), handed it to her and said:

“I’m hoping you don’t go back to him. But I know you might. And in case you do, and in case you find yourself in this situation again, I want you to make the situation different because you have the power to do that. This is my number. Call me. I’m just around the corner and I will come get you. Do you understand?”

“Yes. Thank you!”

And then I asked if I could pray for her. For her and him. She said yes… and she cried straight through my prayer.

We’re finally home. Our “5 more minutes” became “an hour later.” We had enough time to explain to our boys what happened. We talked about why we stopped, why Daddy was so brave and why we do the right thing even with people we don’t know and EVEN when it may not be safe to.

Chance had some questions and thoughts… like he always does. Pax wanted to know why we weren’t at the hotel anymore (he was more enamored with the flashing lights on the police cars. I’m ok with that.). We did the best we could with both of their questions.

** Quick note: if you’re a Joanne… read the bolded italics up above again. Tell someone. And if you think you have no one, tell me. Click on the “CONTACT” square on the left column near the top. I WILL get back to you and we’ll find you resources together. YOU are beautiful and made with a purpose. NO ONE gets to lay a hand on you like that. NO ONE.

For the rest of you out there: if you ever see stuff like this going on in public… STEP UP. It IS your business. What if that was YOUR daughter/sister/mother? Do the right thing. For humankind.

My husband is valiant, brave and a hero. He proved that tonight. In front of me and in front of our boys. Not because he was trying to prove something… but because he was going with his gut and doing the right thing. He could have gotten punched. He knew that. He did the right thing anyway. I am so proud of him!

What would you have done?

You are STUPID!

September 8, 2011 in Childhood, Family, Forgiveness, Motherhood with 12 Comments

Two days ago, during an errand run, I heard a very tired child whining to his Mom. This is a very normal thing to hear… especially in my household. But the response from this mom made me turn:

“SHUT UP! Stop being stupid!”

WHA???

This immediately triggered my childhood memories. My mother was an exhausted single mom of three trying to make ends meet and though she did her best, Anne Lamott says it best in her book Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith:

“Her best was just terrible.”

She never told me she loved us.
Her actions reminded us daily that her love was conditional.
If we asked a question, we were “stubborn” or “stupid“.
If we questioned HER, we’d get a slap in the face.
When I started experimenting with make-up, I was “ugly“.
When I made the cheer squad and tried my uniform on my 110lbs. frame for the first time, I was “fat“.
Brought home an A… “Why didn’t you get an A+?”
Coming home 3 minutes late once resulted in a beat-down right at the entryway of our house.

Rarely did I hear words of affirmation. ~~Rarely~~ Never did I hear the words “I’m sorry.”

This is not a post about my Mom though. No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. And though my mother and I don’t have much of a relationship today, I have long forgiven her for her incapabilities. We ALL deserve second chances.

This is a post about the long-term effects of our words to our children. Live humans that God puts in our care for a very short time. And as a parent now… I promise you I am far from perfect. I’ve often responded the wrong way more times than I care to admit.

I’ve yelled.
I’ve gotten overly angry at small, petty things.
Lectured for a few minutes too long.
Unnecessarily lectured.
I’ve even forgotten I put one of the kids in timeout so they had an EXTRA-long timeout. Oops.

But I have never, and WILL NEVER call my kids “stupid” and I will NEVER say “SHUT UP!” to them.

Brian and I have spent thousands of dollars on counseling to untangle the lies I believe about myself… because one person spoke them into me. As many of you know, it is ridiculously difficult to re-weave truth into your life when lies are strongly woven into your soul in your youth. You have to go back through the old layers and unweave the lies. So many layers. It’s basically surgery. And I, for one, refuse to do that to my children.

My kids will probably go to counseling about other ridiculous things I do, like embarrass them by dancing or singing loudly in public or my obsessive need for organization and cleanliness… but they won’t ever question their worth or that I love them greatly.

YOU have a responsibility to the next generation. Really. You do.

Don’t be a jerk!
Watch your mouth. Watch your actions.
Those kids don’t belong to you.
They are on LOAN!

Happy 6th Birthday, Chance!

September 1, 2011 in Chance, Family, Motherhood with 23 Comments

Today, my firstborn, Chance, turns 6.

I know I say this all the time… but I really feel like we JUST found out we were pregnant after 3+ years of being told we were infertile. I can’t believe he’s so big.

————–

My dearest Chance,

You never cease to amaze me. Every minute longer I get to be your Mommy only reminds me of how undeserving I really am of this privilege.

You are kind.
You are considerate.
You are loving.
You have deep compassion.
You’re inquisitive.
You strive to be the best in all things.
You love your brother… even when he’s not all that kind to you.
You are SO smart.
You are patient (most of the times).
You can see the good in everyone.
You love Jesus.
You love Daddy and me.
You are quick to forgive… which is amazing because I mess up a lot.
You are quick to ask for forgiveness.
You have an unquenchable desire to learn.
You have a strong sense of justice.
But your extension of grace is stronger.