All the boys in the neighborhood have at least ONE Bionicle. Chance had none.

I have to be honest… it’s a really cool toy for a boy his age. I told him that once he raised enough in his allowance, he could buy it himself. So he’s been working really hard and raising his funds. He’s had the right amount for over 2 months now, but we just haven’t gone out to get it yet.

One day, last week, our sweet neighbor boy (who also happens to be a good friend of Chance’s) left a part of his Bionicle toy outside (yes, they come in pieces… they are lego afterall). Unbeknownst to me, Chance decided to bring it inside to play with it.

This in itself isn’t bad. But wait…

So, neighbor boy comes to the door and asks, “Have you seen my Bionicle part? I left it outside and it’s not there anymore.” Chance walks outside and proceeds to tell him a long, detailed story about seeing someone pick it up and take it.

The next morning, I see him playing with a toy I had never seen before. As I watch, it all clicked.

I ask about the toy. He gets quiet. I ask more specific questions:

Me: “Is this a Bionicle part?”
Chance: “Mmmhmm.”
M: “Do you have a Bionicle?”
C: “No.”
M: “Does this belong to (insert neighbors name)?”
C: “He left it outside!”
M: “Yes, I know… did you take it?”
C: “I was just holding it for him, Mom!”
M: “Then, why didn’t you give it back when he came over and asked about it yesterday?”
C: *quiet* then tears.

This was the first time Chance had done anything like this. Chance knew he had messed up. He had taken something that didn’t belong to him, then lied about it for an extended period of time. He was devastated. I was devastated. Not only for him… but for what all this meant. It hit me. Sin nature affects my beautiful children as well.

This triggered so many thoughts within me.

“If this were me when I was little, my mom would be screaming and beating me right now!”
“What’s the right thing to do?”
“Should we just leave it outside and have them find it again?”
“I can’t just glaze over this.”
“This is a teaching moment. I hate teaching moments.”
“Chance needs to be disciplined.”
“But I also took something that didn’t belong to me and lied about it.”
“OMW… He got this from me.”

I had to leave him in a time-out so I could go upstairs to pray and cry. How do I discipline my child for something I’ve also done?

Remorse. Sadness. Disappointment. Conviction. Humility. Guilt.

Then God whispered His love in my ear: “One of those are not from me, sweet girl.” GUILT.

I got up (4 minute time out for a 4 year old), wiped away my tears, went downstairs, put Chance in my lap:

Me: “Honey, you chose to do a very bad thing. You took something that didn’t belong to you. That’s called stealing… and that makes God, Mommy and Daddy sad. But we can fix it. Do you want to fix it?”
C: *nodded through his tear-filled eyes*
M: “Me too. We need to go next door and return this toy. You need to apologize. And mommy will be there with you the whole time. Are you ready to do this?”
C: *nodded again. then wrapped his arms around my neck.*
M: “Baby… we all mess up sometimes. We all choose the wrong thing to do. And that’s ok as long as we learn from that and don’t do it again. You know Mommy loves you right?”
C: *Quiet* (So, I take his face to mine and ask him…)
M: “Does Mommy love you?”
C: *nods* “Yes.”
M: “You can never do ANYTHING that would make me not love you.”

And there it was.

No matter how much guilt triggered my life, today, I am different. In this moment, I was reminded of what God has been telling me this past year:

“You can never do ANYTHING that would make ME not love you. In fact, I sent my Only Son to die for you so that we could be together forever, I love you that much. Stand up and go make it right.”

A couple days ago, Brian and I took Chance to finally buy his very own Bionicle.

This is a 4 year-old’s version of grace, forgiveness and restoration.

What triggers you?