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My Family’s Historian

Some people joke about our family having a photo shoot every other week.

Yes. we have a lot.  Maybe not THAT much, but we have a few a year.

Here’s the deal:  I am the CEO of my home.  That makes me my family’s historian as well.  If I don’t document as many family moments as possible, who’s gonna do it, right?

We actually take a lot of photos and videos of our kids, but what happens is we end up having lots of pictures… with one of us missing.  Usually me.  HA.

Anyway… our friend AND Portland photographer of choice is Kimberly Whipps (Barefoot Photography).  She actually helps sponsor JenniClayville.com and is responsible for the amazing rotating banner you see on the home page.

We had our winter/Christmas card photos taken last weekend.

Chance & Paxton

Clayville Clan 2009

You can CLICK HERE to see some more of them.

If you live in the Portland area and want to capture some amazing moments with your family to keep FOREVER… contact her NOW.  You will NOT be disappointed.

Thanks, Kimberly, for capturing some crazy Clayville moments.  I love that you just laugh and hang out with us.  You are AH-MAZ-ING and I am blessed to call you “friend”!

Hangin’ With Chance

When Brian and I decided I would be a stay-at-home Mom… I honestly had NO idea what I was doing.

I was a total latchkey kid and the closest thing I knew was sort of overseeing my two sisters afterschool till Mom got home.

So often, I’ve found myself envious of friends like Alli, who grew up with a Mom who invested quality time with her.  She taught her real skills:

How to be a supporting and loving wife.
How to be an encouragement and blessing to her children.
How to bake and cook.
How to be a woman of integrity.

Yes.  I’ll be honest.  I covet Alli for her mother.  I feel short-changed because I wonder if the only things I have to pass down to my kids is my dysfunction.  I wonder if I have anything to offer them at all.

Here’s the deal.  Right, wrong or indifferent, life is what it is.

Chance and Paxton are kids God has loaned us in the short time (hopefully not TOO short) we get them.  Though I SERIOUSLY don’t know what I’m doing… I do the best I can with what I’ve got — dysfunction and all.  I take what little good I remember from my childhood and glean the rest off of the amazing female mentors God has placed in my path throughout my 31 year journey and pray… PRAY… with all I am that something sticks.

So, what do I do with my kids?

We talk
We snuggle
We dream
We laugh

We have no boundaries in love… because we’re building a long-lasting relationship.  A relationship that will stand through every mistake I make with them.  Because if I’ve learned anything, it’s that LOVE is greater than any mistake… and if you allow it to, LOVE will conquer ALL.

Apparently, love also means letting them eat… um… anything.

How do THEY know you love THEM?

Ode to Tim Tams

Thanks, David & Diane…

A Peek Into Our Evenings

Just thought I’d post a video of a bit of our night tonight.  After all… my blog is part “mom-blog” ya know?

I can’t believe Paxton is almost a year old.

Life flies by.  Don’t waste a minute!

Painting Pumpkins 2009

We painted our very first pumpkins last year.  This year, we decided to follow the tradition.

Here’s Chance painting his pumpkin WHITE… Apparently, the WHOLE base of the pumpkin needed to be white “because Daddy’s white.” — seriously… that’s what he said.

painting pumpkins 1
painting pumpkins 2

I think the whites of the eyes are always a bit freaky looking before I add the pupils.
painting pumpkins 3

I dunno what you think… but I think that’s a pretty happy looking pumpkin.
painting pumpkins 4
painting pumpkins 5

I was letting this dry and tending to Paxton for a couple minutes.  When I got back…
painting pumpkins 6

… I found THIS painted to the side.  I left it cuz it was so cute.
painting pumpkins 7

My sons are happy.  My husband is happy.  My family is happy.  This makes ME happy.
painting pumpkins 8
painting pumpkins 9

You see… we’re painting more than just pumpkins over here. We’re painting our future… one brushstroke at a time.  However, I can tell you I don’t paint so well, so I’m letting God guide my strokes.

Of course, I still fight for control over the paintbrush sometimes… but He is faithful and constant, ready to step back in whenever I invite Him to.

I can’t wait to see what the final product of our family is going to look like.

Our Story (Part Four)

We shared our story with our church.

Our church wept with us.  Our church celebrated our choice to fight the odds.  We were prayed over, accepted, embraced and supported.  We partially expected judgement, but instead, we received grace.

Brian and I were blown away by the amazing response.

We’ve experienced a death. A death in our old marriage. Our counselor wisely said, “I know you guys aren’t looking at divorce as an option, but a divorce MUST happen. You must divorce your old marriage and start new.”  We still have bad days… this isn’t magic, but I can honestly say that we have WAY more good days than we ever had… even before the affair.

You may be wondering why I decided to “come out” with my secret. After all… no one would have ever known. You’re right.  But God knew… and I knew. Not only was I NOT immune to an affair, but I was VERY capable of one.  I really had to destroy any and ALL chances of this ever happening again.  This was how.  God’s desire for us is to live in truth… in the light. Nothing that lives in darkness can survive.

“You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean.”    ~Matthew 23:27

I was destroying myself with my secret. It was time to clean the tomb out. Besides, I didn’t need a tomb because Christ offers LIFE that’s eternal.

I’d like to say that this story has a fairy tale ending… a “Happily Ever After.”  However, it’s more like a “Once upon a time…”

Even though there is still hurt and pain swirling around us, we knew it was time to break the lineage to generational sin. I didn’t know what was going to happen to me in revealing my ugly truth, but I knew I needed to FINALLY obey God, no matter the cost to me.

I can actually SEE God blessing our family because of our obedience. Brian and I are closer than we’ve ever been… EVER. We’ve been married since 2001. I’m not saying life is perfect or that we don’t fall into some of our old patterns, but OVERALL, I have never experienced life, love or joy like this.

It’s going to continually be up and down for us… but I KNOW I’m truly, honestly living an authentic life with no secrets holding me down.

God is healing Brian.
God is redeeming me.
God is restoring us
to something greater than it ever was before.

Besides experiencing a REAL marriage and life with Brian, the best of all this is how deeply I’ve found myself falling for Jesus. I’ll be honest… I don’t always invite him into every part of my day. I sometimes feel like I need to protect JESUS from my dysfunction – as if Jesus needs to be protected from anything, but the good thing is I’m inviting him in more and more… and he is cleaning house!

In all of this, I no longer question if I married the “right” man.  I now know, the “deep” feelings I had for that other man, though it felt VERY real at the time, was really just my projected need to be loved and desired.  Brian has stepped up and become that.  Or… maybe he’s been that the whole time, but I just didn’t let him in.

Brian KNOWS my biggest dreams… my deepest hurts.
Brian finishes my sentences.
Brian knows my thoughts just by looking at me.
Brian pursues me.
But GOD gives me confidence in all of this.  Confidence in Brian.

Brian&Jenni

We are very much still in the healing process and we have only made it to this point by the grace of God and the constant, unrelenting prayers of our friends and family.

“But during the night an angel of the Lord opened the doors of the jail and brought them out. “Go, stand in the temple courts,” he said, “and tell the people the full message of this new life.”

~ Acts 5:19-21

We’re hoping that by us sharing our story WHILE we’re in the midst of healing, that you can see the hope that is Christ Jesus.  We hope you can see redemption is real and very possible for all of us no matter how ugly the sin looks.  Our desire is you will stop hiding…

… it’s time to share YOUR STORY.

Believe it or not… you’re not alone.
You’re FAR from being alone.

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To read OUR STORY from beginning to end:

Part One
Part Two
Part Three