Family |

Archive - Family RSS Feed

First Impressions

June 9, 2011 in Chance, Faith, Family, Motherhood with 10 Comments

On Sunday, I invited my friend, Abby, and her two girls, Eden & Charlotte over to play with our kids at the pool.

My family uses our apartment pool religiously. This is almost a daily deal for us because it’s so warm here in El Paso. The kids work out their energy and sleep well at night. We also get our share of vitamin D. It’s a win-win.

On this day, a little girl, that looked older than Chance but was obviously younger (she looked 6 but was probably 3) when she started speaking, struck up a conversation with Chance and Eden. Younger kids that look bigger than Chance are not out of the norm. My kids got my short genes.

This little girl was the friendliest and sweetest thing. When she spoke, you could hear she struggled with a little bit of a speech impediment and it was clear that English was her second language. As she was chatting with Chance, I saw him crane his neck out to try to understand.

As they were chatting, I heard Chance say: “Did you go to church today?”

I leaned in. This conversation could go two ways. Is Chance gonna evangelize or is he gonna pour judgment down? The little girl answered… but I couldn’t hear what she said. Apparently, neither could Chance because the next thing that came out of his mouth APPALLED me.

“I don’t know what you’re saying! Why do you talk like a baby?”

I called out his name, gave him ‘the look’ and mouthed “be kind!” to him. He nodded and turned back to his conversation. I heard him introduce himself and ask her name. Then Eden introduced herself.

The little girl repeated: “Ethan?”
Eden: “No… EDEN.”
Little girl: “EeeeeTTTTTHHHHan?”

Then came Chance. Frustrated. Clearly irritated and rude.

“NO! EEEEEDDDDDEEEEEN!!! It’s EDEN!!!”

Aw HEEEEEEEEEEECK no! I called him over right then and we talked about how our words and how we use them can hurt peoples’ feelings. I explained that this little girl doesn’t speak English very well and asked him, “How would you feel if everyone was speaking Spanish and then talked to you the way you just talked to her when you tried to speak to them?” I had to explain that just because this little girl was bigger than him didn’t me she could communicate at the same level as him.

Then he sat out for a short time-out for purposely being mean and rude.

As I sat on this more, I thought of how much I’m like Chance in this situation. I look at someone and assume so much. Before they can even defend themselves, I’ve already decided what should be. I sit on my first impressions and think I have it all figured out. What’s interesting is many of the people who made a great first impression in my life often don’t make the lasting impression on me. On the other hand, the friends I appreciate the most in my life didn’t always make the best first impression but I see the most amazing character and personality now.

I’ve come a long way from what I used to be but I’ve still got such a long way to go.

Now… how do I train my kids to see what I am still learning myself?

The Hiding

June 7, 2011 in Chance, Family, Home, Motherhood with 25 Comments

Chance has a doggy blankie that he sleeps with every night. He has slept with this “lovey” since crib days. His Nina (Brian’s Mom) bought it for him even before he was born. It’s his security.

Last night, as we were tucking him into bed, we couldn’t find his doggy blankie. This is somewhat normal. He takes it out to the living room when he watches tv or into our room when he wakes up. But we looked in all the usual spots and couldn’t find it.

Finally, Chance says, “OH YEAH!” and pulls it out from under Paxton’s toddler bed (which has a bedskirt).

You see… we had friends over today. HE had friends over today.

I asked him, “Why did you hide your doggy blankie?”
Chance: “Because I didn’t want anyone to know I sleep with something.”
Me: “Were you embarrassed?”
Chance: “Yeah. I didn’t want them to make fun of me.”
Me: “Well, honey… We can tuck him away whenever you have friends over if you want.”

Here stood my five year old, with his LITERAL security blanket in his hand, admitting that at times, that same security blanket he knew his whole life could possibly be what threatened his security… at least in the eyes of his peers. What’s interesting is these specific friends have never been over and have never even said anything about lovey’s. But apparently, one of his friends did at one time.

I was ready to do whatever it took to help him find security in this situation. I agreed to help hide his doggy blankie whenever he needed, but inside… I died a little.

I knew this day would come. The day that my kids would feel like they had to hide a part of them from people. But I honestly didn’t think it was going to happen so soon.

Even with Brian and me being intentional in building security around our kids and making sure they know they are greatly loved as they are… the realization that the world is not safe for them is still very real and unstoppable.

And that… is just awful!
I am not ready.

Recycling Crayons

June 6, 2011 in Chance, Crafts, Family, Motherhood with 3 Comments

Brian and I have a 5 year-old and 2 year-old.

They love to draw. Both of them. We love that. But they are SO hard on their crayons. The break crayons as if it were their JOB. Sometimes, I catch them breaking them on purpose… just because they can. But how upset can you really get? They’re drawing… and they’re just crayons.

However… our craft box gets cluttered… so we cleaned and organized as a fun project the other day.

We recycled crayons:

And when they cooled, they popped right out and were ready to use. Paxton actually likes using the crayon discs more than Chance does, but that’s the difference between a 2 year old and a 5 year old

The best part of this whole project was the table and talk time I had with Chance while we were “peeling all the crayons naked” (as Chance’s put it). We talked about what he likes in school and what his favorite projects and hobbies are and how annoyed he gets that Paxton bullies him sometimes. I listened and asked more questions.

So, as we gave these forgotten crayon stubs a second chance… I got time to invest solely into my oldest son.

I wouldn’t trade those moments for anything.
What projects do you do with your family?

Child Psychologists? Anyone?

May 17, 2011 in Chance, Family, Motherhood with 11 Comments

My 5 year old son, Chance, loves to draw.

And for being 5, I think he’s a pretty good artist. Maybe that’s just me being a proud parent. Whichever way… my favorite moments are when he explains his drawings. I thought I’d share one with you…

… OH… and Chance doesn’t really even nap anymore.

I love how Chance is so open in expressing his thoughts. This is something I hope Brian and I never squelch. And I hope he’ll always feel as free as he does now in talking with me about everything.

How do you best express yourself?

Mother’s Day 2011

May 6, 2011 in Chance, Family, Home, Motherhood, Paxton with 6 Comments

I honestly never think about Mother’s Day till it comes around.

Before you say it’s a mommy issue or whatever… I rarely remember my birthday or anniversary either. But just like my birthday and anniversary… I celebrate it and am thankful for this day when it comes around.

If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you know I have a somewhat distant relationship with my real Mother, however, I’ve found an incredibly meaningful relationship with my Mother-in-law. And as I wait on God’s hand in reconciling and restoring my own relationship with my real Mom, I’ll celebrate the second Mom He so graciously gave me. I don’t think I’m an unlucky girl because of a lack of relationship with my Mother… but I DO think I’m fortunately enough to have a second chance with my MIL. So, as we head into this weekend, I’m thankful.

Love you, Mom! Both of you!

But this post isn’t as much about them as it is me… or rather… who I mother.

As a mother of two amazing young boys, I really do appreciate when they celebrate me… but I would much rather celebrate them… and the privilege God gave me to BE their mother on this special weekend. And because of that, I never want to make this “holiday” of expectations. I want it to be a celebration of our family.

I have so many good friends that struggle on this day. Ones who were extremely close to their Mothers but have lost them to death. Ones who WANT to be Mothers but for some reason, that card just hasn’t been drawn yet. Some, like me, who’s Mothers really want nothing to do with them. And though all those are mournful situations and my heart truly breaks for them (and myself)… at this moment, I choose to joy.

I choose THIS moment. And in this moment… all is well.

Here are my moments:

Paxton got a haircut.

Chance quietly staring out our backdoor while in his Spiderman costume.

Chance’s schools’ Mother’s Day Dance.

Pax & Mommy Wrestling Time.