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CoachUs with RefineUs

December 8, 2011 in Adultery, Faith, Forgiveness, Friends, Life Experience, Marriage, Ministry, Second Chances with 2 Comments

Our good friends, Justin & Trisha, at RefineUs.org have created a new program and opportunity for couples who need some guidance in their marital journey. Brian and I are fortunate enough to get to be a part of this new opportunity.

One of the best things Brian and I did post-confession of my affair was seek counseling AND coaching. The biggest mistake we can make is believe we can do all this on our own. So, I urge you… go check THIS out.

PLUS… maybe you could win something awesome in the process.

Help us get the word out!!!

… Because every single one of us is worth fighting for.

Refuge SSI

November 29, 2011 in Church Planting, Faith, Forgiveness, Life Experience, Ministry, Missions with 5 Comments

It’s been a month since I was in St. Simon’s Island, Georgia retreating with other ministry leader types at Refuge.

I’m not sure what I was expecting in this whole ordeal… but what I got was worth more than any dollar amount.

Upon arrival, I was:
** tired
** burning out
** lacking creativity
** boxed in
** breathless
** restless
** spiritually dry

What I expected was some down time, get to spend some time with friends, moments of intimate worship (not planned out or developed by me) and a brilliant speaker to help re-align me and put me back on the Jesus track. And I got that… and SO much more.

In my time at this retreat, I found and got connected to the most healing peace I have ever felt. Nothing was rushed, the Holy Spirit guided… and we followed. Ian Cron (by the way… do yourself a favor and pick up his newest book, Jesus, My Father, The CIA and Me: A Memoir… of Sorts this Christmas holiday. One of the best books I’ve ever read!) was our main speaker, and he guided us through a journey of shalom, allowing us to address and recognize the parts of our lives that aren’t usually safe to mention in some Christian circles. He gave us time to grieve, celebrate, worship & just be.

For the first time in a long time, I felt truly pastored (and that’s coming from me… as a Pastor).

Personally, I found myself forgiving my mother at a whole new level. I forgave myself, the adulteress, at a whole new level, and forgave myself as a mother, the ways I’ve failed my boys already… and the ways I know I’ll fail them in the future. I like to call that “preventative forgiving”. One of the greatest things was getting to do this with others just like me.

It was profound.

Most importantly… I got REAL, HONEST time with God. In the few days I was there, God filled me fuller than I have been in years… maybe ever… and released me to be exactly what He created me to be. Flaws and all.

Upon departure, I was:
** revived
** ready
** full of creativity
** released
** excited
** rested
** spiritually drenched in Truth

I’m so thankful I got this opportunity to be even more restored. I’m grateful to get to take another step in my journey towards freedom.

I don’t know if they’ll hold this retreat again next year… but I hope they do. And if they do… I will move mountains to make sure I’m there.

Because in the end… I’m better for it.
What’s something you’d move mountains to do/keep doing?

POTSC: the Church

September 26, 2011 in Faith, Forgiveness, POTSC with 18 Comments

For some… this is what the Church looks like.

As a Christ follower… I KNOW the Church, the body of Christ, doesn’t land on one domination or one group of people. But the reality stands (especially down here in the borderland)… this is who represents the church.

I am a Pastor at Paseo Christian Church. I believe that with my leadership comes a higher level of accountability. With people… but especially with God. But what happens when the boundaries of accountability help cover up the mistakes and the horrible wrong-doings?

I’ll be honest here. I have grace for a lot of things. But I would have a VERY difficult time extending grace if someone hurt my child. Mama bear might come out and rip your face off.

DO.
NOT.
MESS.
WITH.
MY.
KIDS.

And there are some things that are done… that can never be undone.

Sexual abuse. It’s violent. It’s damaging. It’s irreversible. When it comes from someone who’s a spiritual guide that is supposed to be SAFE, it violates not only the physical, emotional and mental sides of us, but it destroys our spiritual being. How are we to ever look at God and trust Him when we can’t trust our earthly guides that help connect us to Him.

And when it comes to children. It’s unforgivable.

Or is it?

How audacious IS grace?

POTSC: Mel Gibson

September 19, 2011 in Forgiveness, POTSC with 7 Comments

If there has ever been a fallen star… the most well known might be Mel Gibson. Well… maybe a close tie to Charlie Sheen.

Mel Gibson went from People Magazine’s “The Sexiest Man Alive” to “not-so-sexy-due-to-ridiculously-erratic-public-behavior”. Nothing takes you off the “sexy list” faster than anti-semantic tirades, drunken escapades, domestic violence and hate-filled, racist voicemail rants.

So here’s my question: Does Mel Gibson deserve a second chance?

Do you think he’ll make it back out of the ick he’s recently found himself in? Do we just love to hate people that seem to have it all? Do we find pleasure in seeing others fail? Or is he not deserving of any more chances because his true colors are finally showing?

What do you think?

POTSC: The KKK

September 12, 2011 in Forgiveness, POTSC, Second Chances with 12 Comments

I’m not white. But I clearly remember wishing I was most of my childhood.

My best friend in elementary school was Simone. She was black. Beautiful. I remember holding her hand at recess time and when she let go because we had to get back in line to go to class, I looked down to see if her dark chocolate covered skin had rubbed off onto my paler skin.

It hadn’t.

I was a bit disappointed because her skin was so beautiful.

And that’s the thing. Different is BEAUTIFUL…
… but different freaks the crap out of us because we don’t know how to control it.

I didn’t live through this time. The time when the KKK raged and minorities (mostly blacks) hid. But I clearly remember 9/11 ten years ago… and I’m quite certain I will never forget that.

Different.
Different cultures.
Different thoughts.
Different ideas.
Just different.

We talk about “different” being good… but what if “different” hurts you or someone you love? Would you forgive them? Would you not only forgive them, but actually love them?

Skin color may not rub off… but I will forever remember the imprint Simone left on my heart.

And I’m better off because of her.

—————–
Never Beyond Series Posts:
Darth Vader
Mike Tyson
Casey Anthony

You are STUPID!

September 8, 2011 in Childhood, Family, Forgiveness, Motherhood with 12 Comments

Two days ago, during an errand run, I heard a very tired child whining to his Mom. This is a very normal thing to hear… especially in my household. But the response from this mom made me turn:

“SHUT UP! Stop being stupid!”

WHA???

This immediately triggered my childhood memories. My mother was an exhausted single mom of three trying to make ends meet and though she did her best, Anne Lamott says it best in her book Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith:

“Her best was just terrible.”

She never told me she loved us.
Her actions reminded us daily that her love was conditional.
If we asked a question, we were “stubborn” or “stupid“.
If we questioned HER, we’d get a slap in the face.
When I started experimenting with make-up, I was “ugly“.
When I made the cheer squad and tried my uniform on my 110lbs. frame for the first time, I was “fat“.
Brought home an A… “Why didn’t you get an A+?”
Coming home 3 minutes late once resulted in a beat-down right at the entryway of our house.

Rarely did I hear words of affirmation. ~~Rarely~~ Never did I hear the words “I’m sorry.”

This is not a post about my Mom though. No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. And though my mother and I don’t have much of a relationship today, I have long forgiven her for her incapabilities. We ALL deserve second chances.

This is a post about the long-term effects of our words to our children. Live humans that God puts in our care for a very short time. And as a parent now… I promise you I am far from perfect. I’ve often responded the wrong way more times than I care to admit.

I’ve yelled.
I’ve gotten overly angry at small, petty things.
Lectured for a few minutes too long.
Unnecessarily lectured.
I’ve even forgotten I put one of the kids in timeout so they had an EXTRA-long timeout. Oops.

But I have never, and WILL NEVER call my kids “stupid” and I will NEVER say “SHUT UP!” to them.

Brian and I have spent thousands of dollars on counseling to untangle the lies I believe about myself… because one person spoke them into me. As many of you know, it is ridiculously difficult to re-weave truth into your life when lies are strongly woven into your soul in your youth. You have to go back through the old layers and unweave the lies. So many layers. It’s basically surgery. And I, for one, refuse to do that to my children.

My kids will probably go to counseling about other ridiculous things I do, like embarrass them by dancing or singing loudly in public or my obsessive need for organization and cleanliness… but they won’t ever question their worth or that I love them greatly.

YOU have a responsibility to the next generation. Really. You do.

Don’t be a jerk!
Watch your mouth. Watch your actions.
Those kids don’t belong to you.
They are on LOAN!