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Prayer

January 21, 2012 in Faith, Forgiveness, Friends, Life Experience, Marriage, Prayer, Second Chances with 1 Comment

**This is the post I wrote for this past Paseo E-Newsletter**

“I’ll pray for you!”

Who knows how many times I’ve heard that in the last 30 years. And though most of the time it came from a well-meaning person, even as a young child, I knew what it really meant:

“Oh, I’m sorry… that sucks! How do I get out of this awkward conversation?”

I won’t lie. I have been guilty of having those exact words exit my lips. And the moment I turned and walked away, I forgot all about that person… till next week when I saw them again.

It comes down to selfishness & lack of compassion.

SELFISHNESS: I didn’t want to squander my prayers away on others because somewhere deep inside I believed I needed to keep all of them for myself. And to be honest… growing up in a dysfunctional and abusive home meant I needed all the prayers I could get. I was running out in my “God Meter”.

LACK OF COMPASSION: I really didn’t care about anybody else. I wasn’t invested in other people’s lives. That’s why I forgot about their situation the moment I left the conversation… I was too wrapped up in my own life to care about anyone else.

Because I was stingy with my prayers, I thought everyone else was stingy with theirs.

It wasn’t until high school when someone finally said “I’ll pray for you… in fact, can I pray for you right now?” AND THEN they kept checking up on me for weeks after that I realized people really DID pray for me. Some people really meant it when they said, “I’ll pray for you.”

And I wanted to be that person.

Not only did I want to be the recipient of other people’s heart-cries to God… but I wanted my heart to cry out on behalf of others. I wanted to be a part of the community. I wanted to care about others as much as, if not more than, how much I wanted someone to care for me.

My age and life has more than doubled since that first time my friend prayed for me right on the spot. And since then, my heart has felt some of the darkest and most intense pains I’ve never wanted to feel. But it was in those times that the intercessing prayer of others became the guide to my only glimmer of hope.

Without people really, truly praying for me & Brian as well as checking in on us, I’m not sure we would have made it.

So with that, I say this: When someone pops up in your head, don’t squander that. In that moment… PRAY. And then let them know you prayed for them.

I also want to invite you to LET others pray for you. The reality is most people wouldn’t offer unless they really wanted to.

So pray… and like 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says, “Pray continually.” We’re all counting on it.

How can I pray for you this week?

CoachUs with RefineUs

December 8, 2011 in Adultery, Faith, Forgiveness, Friends, Life Experience, Marriage, Ministry, Second Chances with 2 Comments

Our good friends, Justin & Trisha, at RefineUs.org have created a new program and opportunity for couples who need some guidance in their marital journey. Brian and I are fortunate enough to get to be a part of this new opportunity.

One of the best things Brian and I did post-confession of my affair was seek counseling AND coaching. The biggest mistake we can make is believe we can do all this on our own. So, I urge you… go check THIS out.

PLUS… maybe you could win something awesome in the process.

Help us get the word out!!!

… Because every single one of us is worth fighting for.

Dance with a Limp

September 28, 2011 in Faith, Friends, Life Experience, Personal Entries, Second Chances with 9 Comments

When I write it out… I feel like I remember it better.

Time

September 25, 2011 in Faith, Friends, Life Experience, Personal Entries with 17 Comments

It’s my birthday. Today, I turned 33. It’s been a good day so far…

… but it is extremely bittersweet.

Last night, my sweet friend, Sara, went Home to be with Jesus. She was SO sick… her body kept her captive… but today, she is painless and free.

We knew two weeks ago this day was coming. Strike that. We knew 4 years ago this day was coming. Our girl hung on for a long time. But it was time. Because there is a time for everything.

Time.

Two days ago, my friends, Shane & Brandi, gave birth to a beautiful, healthy boy named Jude. He’s gorgeous. He smells like a fresh baby (Moms… y’all know what I’m talking about!) and when he cries, it is that sweet, gentle, cooing cry.

I got to hold him today and looked deep into his eyes. His sweet baby’s breath as his proof of life. And as I held him I couldn’t help but see Sara. Somewhere in the last 2 days, a swap happened. Life happened. Death happened. Time happened.

Not that Jude’s life is somehow a swap for Sara’s. Not at all. But time happened.

Jude is here.
Sara is gone.
I turned 33.

Time.

And Sara has taught us how to use our time well. Every minute Sara lived pointed upwards… to someOne bigger. And I want to live like that too.

Today… my birthday wish is for prayer. That you would pray for Sara’s family and friends as they mourn and celebrate her amazing life. That you would pray for Jude — the amazing life he has been blessed with and that he gets to know Jesus as his own personal Savior at an early age. And for me… in my bittersweet… to taste more of the sweet because that hint of bitter is present.

And for the present. And that it’s used for His glory.

Because it’s time.

Choose Joy: Sara Frankl

September 15, 2011 in Faith, Friends, Life Experience, Personal Entries with 29 Comments

My sweet and beautiful friend, Sara (we call her Gitz), has been sick for a long time.

We met 3 years ago through the blogosphere and somehow connected strongly. Since then… she’s been present through every single one of my life altering situations. All from the confines of her small condo. She even attended Brian and my vow renewal from her home with some live video help from Brent.

Sara has Ankylosing Spondylitis. This life stealing disease eventually kept her homebound. And now… hospice has arrived to take care of her in her last days.

All of us knew this day would come. We just didn’t really think it would come so soon. She’s young. She loves Jesus. She’s a part of our lives.

I watched her get sicker.
Chance watched her get sicker.

We’ve been video chatting quite a bit in the last 3 years… and on good days, she’d only lunge forward in pain maybe 5 times. On the worst of days, we would have to cut the chatting short. Then she’d send a text afterwards apologizing even though there was absolutely no need for the apology.

At the beginning of our video chat relationship, Sara used to turn the webcam when pain hit… which only caused me to worry more because I then couldn’t see if she was going to “alright” afterwards. But Chance usually sat in with us on this chats, and Sara did that to protect him. She didn’t want him to get scared. And I love her for that.

Though Sara was confined to her home due to her illness, her spirit was NEVER confined there. A disease like this can cause you to look inward, feel sorry for yourself, lose hope and shut down. But not Sara.

Sara has always been present and alive.

We were a part of the same LifeGroup Online through much of my most difficult times. She sent me “this-song-made-me-think-of-you” emails as I was healing. And Sara made sure I was always stocked with her self-made personalized stationary. She always made me laugh at how creatively she could string words together to make a sentence. And she is a prayer warrior. I knew she was ALWAYS praying for me, my family, my marriage and my kids. And her insight into the Word of God… her insight… there are no words.

Sara made my life better. More joyful. She has taught me a lot about joy. About CHOOSING Joy.

Last night, while putting Chance & Pax to bed, Chance prayed for “Gitzy” as he often does… but tonight he prayed:

“God, please make a miracle and heal Gitzy’s body so she can visit us soon.”

I didn’t know what to say then. I just cried. But this morning… I know his prayer will be answered. Not the way he expects. But God is going to heal Sara’s body 100%. And we WILL see her soon.

In tears, I say this. I know Sara’s body has had all it can take. She’s ready to leave this life of pain and be with Jesus. She’s ready to take a full breath in again. She’s ready to go Home and laugh without pain. To run without needing to stop. To have no more restrictions. And it’s time. But I’m not ready for Jesus to take her Home. I’m just being honest. I feel heartbroken. And selfish. And I know if she knew, she would tell me to stop crying. Because she’s ready to go Home.

Thank you, Sara, for the imprint you’ve made on my heart. You will live forever on earth through our hearts. So many love you because you have loved so many.

I love you. Greatly.
And though you leaving us here SUCKS. I’m Choosing Joy.

———-

You can read more posts about Sara at Jessica’s.
And my favorite tribute to her by Matthew.

An Evite Extra

August 24, 2011 in Family, Friends with 5 Comments

I recently sent out an evite for Chance’s little birthday party coming up this Saturday. He’s turning six on September 1st, but we always throw him a party the week before because Labor Day gets in the way of everything. And Chance would like me to tell you all that he would like superhero toys and a DS for his birthday, which by the way, he won’t be getting from us. He’ll be getting something practical because we’re LAME parents.

ANYHOO…

As most of you know, evite.com is an internet based invitation service. We use it because it saves paper, postage and resources. Plus, it’s free.

To RSVP, you click on “yes”, “no”, or “maybe” and enter in the number or additional guests you will be bringing with you. There’s also a space where you can type in a message to the host, for example: “Can’t wait!” or “We’ll be there… but a smidge late.”, etc.

Well… my friend and boss, Greg, must have had a funny moment in the middle of his day or something, because when I logged in to check RSVP’s, this was HIS message:

I think I’ll be bringing the whole clan…unless of course I don’t. So that would be a total of 5 unless something happens & I lose them on the way…which is very possible OR they lose me along the way b/c I’m not good @ ‘joining’ things like riding in a car especially since my car is a total wreck on the inside & smells like Thanksgiving turkey which is a whole other story that I think is absolutely hilarious – speaking of hilarious – have you ever seen the show Community? Funny stuff! I love it. But America will probably reject it b/c – well – it’s funny & not stupid (ie all reality shows)…I have an idea for a reality show called: The Highway – its where you set up a camera on a stretch of highway in the middle of the desert & the spot where you set up a camera you have different scenarios happen to complete strangers (blown tire, appearing to sideswipe a human, snake attack, coyote infestation, etc)…speaking of coyote’s – we had a dog named Boo who was killed by coyotes – he was half chow/half husky – he was awesome…we named him Boo b/c when my brother & I would play Contra on the original Nintendo – he would (the dog not my brother) jump @ the explosions on the screen & bark – it was so funny: so we called him Boo (but also it was influenced by me reading To Kill a Mockingbird & I liked Boo Radley or at least his name)…man video games have come a long way, haven’t they? It’s like you’re actually IN the game – which could be problematic if we actually were IN the game, but wouldn’t that be cool? Think about it, if you were in Mario Cart – how fun would that be? I’ve tried acting like I’m in Mario Cart while driving on I10 but when I do that, I always get a ticket…speaking of which I have to be careful here on out – b/c I10 is CRAZY – I almost got smooshed by a couple semis – of course I was in their blind spot – which can be incredibly dangerous if you know what I mean. So we’ll see you Saturday.

I feel dizzy.

He’s a freak. And by freak… I mean, this was the best RSVP ever!

What was the best RSVP you’ve ever received?