She’s Dying…
Vicki… Allison’s mother, is dying.
Alli is one of my closest friends… and her mother has ALWAYS been HER best friend. And, quite literally, at any minute, Vicki will be with Jesus. My heart hurts for Alli.
In all this happening so close to me, I keep trying to understand how she’s feeling…
… but I can’t.
I wish I could… but I just can’t. It feels as if I almost have an emotional barrier up that I can’t tear down because I don’t have the right tools.
I mean, I cry for Alli because I SEE she’s hurting and I pray for their family because I know they are devastated. They want MANY more years with Vicki… but won’t have it. But hurting FOR her is very different than feeling and understanding it for MYSELF.
My mother and I have never been close. I’m quite certain my mother never really wanted children… but she got us, so she did the best she could, which unfortunately, wasn’t all that great. I can’t speak for my sisters… but there’s a piece of love that I don’t understand or FEEL. I know HOW to love (to the best of my ability). I mean… I LOVE my husband and I LOVE my sons… but I don’t know how to RECEIVE love.
Part of me believes if I allow myself to receive love, then I’ll owe that person something I don’t want to give up later. Another part believes I’m not worthy of said love. And finally… the majority of me just doesn’t know how to accept it. Quite literally… I don’t know what to do with it once I’ve been handed a piece of someone’s heart. Weird? Yeah, I know.
Vicki OBVIOUSLY was and is an amazing mother and person. I remember a few years back, I “won” something from Jay (Alli’s husband) and as part of the gift, Vicki baked me some goods. She was sick, and REALLY didn’t need to bake me anything, but she did… out of love.
I want to be like Vicki.
I want to leave an incomparable legacy with Chance and Paxton.
I want my grandchildren to cherish my words to them.
I want to LOVE like Vicki…
… but more importantly… I want to BE loved like Vicki.
However, right now, I’m not allowing anyone to REALLY do that. Not even God. And without love… I’m dying.
I know I can be healed though. I know… and I also know, that very soon… Vicki’s body will be healed. Not her physical body… but the body that gets to live eternally with Jesus. An unbroken, unhurting, PERFECT body.
Please pray with me for the Whipps’ Family and everyone who’s connected to them.
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UPDATE: I got the word tonight, Friday, February 12th, that Vicki has gone to be with Jesus. Her pain is gone… but Alli’s isn’t. Please continue praying for the Whipps’ Family.
Labor Day 2009
We spent today just being together.
Brian ALREADY looks like he’s in a better place. I know it’s partly because we’re away… but MOSTLY because y’all are praying for us. THANK YOU! We are so humbled by the amazing prayer warriors that surround us.
Our day consisted of:
- Chance weeding the front yard with his Papa… with his helmet on.
- Paxton showing off his new signing skills. He can sign “food”, “more” and “all done”.
- Paxton playing “Patty Cake” with his Nina.
- Fresh garden feed at Grandma Peggy’s and Grandpa Bob’s. We had fresh corn on the cob, tomatoes, cucumbers, zucchini, watermelon… SO GOOD!!! At one point, we “ran out” of corn, so Grandma, Chance and I just went out to her garden and picked a few more ears. I could get used to this.
- Chance and Brian fed the cornless cobs to the chickens next door.
- Brian showed me the vehicle he learned to drive in. Grandpa Bob’s truck.
- Papa & Chance playing catch.
- Brian & Paxton smelling some of Grandma’s beautiful flowers.
- And the most beautiful country sunset.
I took photos of everything below.
My Garden
I am not a gardener.
I do NOT have a green thumb. In fact, I’m quite certain I have the “black” thumb of death. However… when you first do not succeed, try, try again, right? Is that how it goes? I dunno.
Anyway. Now that we’re all moved in, I’m trying to grow some food.
I LOVE fresh herbs so, here I’ve got some basil, thyme and sage.
Here, I’ve got cucumbers, yellow peppers and tomatoes.
I still have to get a lattice or ladder or whatever you call it for the cucumbers because I’d like to train it to grow “up”.
I’ve been told that these guys are easy to grow… or difficult to kill… or something. However, when I went out to water my new babies today, the tomato plant (who I’ve lovingly named “Bob”… as in the Tomato from VegeTales ) had some yellow leaves it didn’t have on it yesterday. I must have killed some of the roots in the transplant… BUT WAIT… a blossom has bloomed as well… so who the heck knows.
I also named the cucumber plant, “Larry”, duh… and the yellow pepper plant “Chinky”. What??? I can do that ‘cuz I AM one! And, NO, I didn’t name the herbs. Come on now… it’s not like I’m crazy or something.
Anyway, I gave them some water and love. Yes, I sang to them.
I’ll keep you updated.
Do you name your plants? Come on… let’s hear ‘em!
Jenni on Skype: jclayville 
