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When Hurt Runs Deep…

March 6, 2013 in Blog Swap, Faith, Friends, Guest Bloggers, Human Trafficking, Justice, Life Experience, Ministry, Missions, Moldova, Second Chances, Travel with 1 Comment

As many of you know, I just recently returned from a mission trip to Moldova. One of my awesome teammates, Michelle Carlson, is guest-posting about some next steps today.

I have some deep respect for Michelle. In the time I’ve spent with her, I found myself captivated more and more by her passion, determination and heart for the broken. I got to help her train the girls at the Restoration Home in self-defense (which is an absolutely new concept to them). She’s an unsung hero.

Please read her story here and how it birthed the plans of “Next Step” that are coming our way… Here’s Michelle!

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Growing up I had a fascination with bubbles. I absolutely loved them. One could say I was borderline obsessed. They seemed so carefree and light, buoyant in the breeze and captured by the sun’s radiance. Over time I enveloped my own bubble though…one that was not so light or carefree.

It is easy for each of us to live life in such a hurry that we miss the realities falling around us. We can grow angry with the store clerk that moves too slowly or scream at the guy that cuts us off in traffic. We rarely think about the person behind the action. Our thoughts focus mostly on ourselves, our families, our needs and our lives. That’s the bubble I was stuck in, until recently.

Two years ago I knew God wanted something more from me. I just had a feeling that I was supposed to have another child. Keep in mind my children were 10 and 12 years old at the time. My husband agreed that was God’s calling and BOOM, I was pregnant in no time. An excruciating first trimester, with reports of a fast growing and extremely healthy baby, was followed by even more excruciating news. At my 16 week check up there was no heart beat. There was no more healthy baby or dreams of hugs and kisses. I didn’t even get a parting gift from the doctor. What I did receive was massive amounts of confusion, which I washed away with wine and vodka.

I didn’t sleep for days after that. To say I was angry would be an understatement. I felt lost. I felt like all purpose had been sucked out of my life and God had just dropped me here to wallow until my death. Drama, party of one anybody? Pity followed soon after and I became a piñata of emotion. God was ever patient with me though and after I had wallowed in my tears, He reached down. I felt as though He lovingly cupped my chin in His hand, wiped the yuck from my face and gently said, “If you’re done being a baby, we can move forward together.” He speaks to us all in different ways people!

I realized that yes, He did call me to do more; however, I hadn’t truly waited on Him to guide me. I did what I always have and just took off in the direction which seemed best. Through a series of most fortunate events, I found myself smack in the middle of Chisinau, Moldova with a group of hard-to-forget girlfriends. It took God taking me out of my bubble completely for me to truly listen. I never would have thought of myself as a missionary, but when God says “GO!” it’s best not to question the process.

During my stay in Chisinau, I was able to develop a friendship and partnership with Beginning of Life ministries. The staff here works tirelessly to rebuild broken lives of sexual abuse and trafficking victims, as well as bring awareness to the community. Together, we are building a house. Well, we’re building a gym really. Beginning of Life had a dream to have a wellness center that would aide in rehabilitation and restoration. It will also be a safe place for the youth to socialize and it will open many new jobs. But, why should I tell you? Here are the reasons straight from Vladimir, my sweet friend in charge:

Prevention: Within the first 2 years the center is open, hundreds of girls will be trained in self defense. This will, for the first time, enable them to defend themselves from the abusers.
Rehabilitation: Sports and fitness provide a very positive impact on people’s lives. Many of the girls suffer from heart problems, and the fitness center will offer a unique opportunity for recreation.
Social Skills Development: This fitness center will serve as a safe place for the youth to spend time together, grow relationships and chat about future endeavors. It will be a place where they can dream and discuss making their dreams a reality.
Reintegration: The wellness and fitness center will provide a brand new set of skills and jobs for the girls who have graduated the rehabilitation program. This will help to provide them with stability and a larger sense of self worth.
Encouragement for staff: The staff of Beginning of Life works tirelessly to provide encouragement and safety to these girls along with education and awareness to an entire community. The fitness and wellness center will be a place for the staff to take care of themselves, just as we are instructed. It will provide stress relief, healthier and more energetic staff, team building and an opportunity to strengthen their shoulders for the load they choose to carry daily.

The pain that once ran deep through my veins has been restored to passion. A passion bent on making change and creating a difference. How can you participate in such a passion?

Pray for the people of Chisinau and all those involved in this project.
Spread the word! Share the site, share the story, encourage others to learn about what really is going on.
Give a gift. Hope chest has an easy-access donation page set up for this project. You can choose your donation and it’s 100% tax deductible! It’s a win/win for all. You will have played a HUGE part in the transformation of an entire nation,
Consider visiting I hope to have a team visit while I am staying in Chisinau. This team will be able to see what Beginning of Life does on a daily basis and be able to touch the lives of many. You’ll immerse yourself in the culture and even get to enjoy some seriously awesome food. Get your hands dirty for change and I promise YOU will be the one reaping the most benefit.

The link for the donation page is HERE.

Sex, Shame & Identity

March 4, 2013 in Adultery, Faith, Forgiveness, Friends, Guest Bloggers, Life Experience, POTSC, Prayer, Second Chances with 9 Comments

My good friend, Makeda, has written this post. It’s brilliant. It’s raw. It’s real.

She doesn’t have the nerve to post it on her own sites because, let’s be honest, Christians in our own circles are often the worst of uninvited judges. So, here she is today.

I think she’s brave. If all of us were more honest and candid as she is here, maybe the church wouldn’t be as hated by the world as it is. Just a thought.

Without further adieu… Makeda…

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“This is a new year. A new beginning. And things will change.”

A few weeks ago several blogs that I follow started writing about sex and purity in the church culture. It was random that so many of them were writing on this topic and it caught my attention. It has since turned into a very intentional conversation about how the church has historically handled the issues of sex and purity. You can go here to see a list of the blogs that are participating in this conversation. This post is not intended to add my voice to that conversation but rather to share the space I am in as God is working to redeem sex and sexuality for me.

I have a very skewed view of sex. I was not one of the girls who waited until marriage to have sex. There is a lot of shame for me around this issue. I grew up in a church culture that taught me I was supposed to wait and if I didn’t wait then I was a bad girl (who, by the way, was going straight to hell). I was a rule follower and a perfectionist as a child. I wanted other people to like me and I knew that if I was perfect, I could always guarantee they would love me. For this reason, among others, maintaining my good girl image was very important to me. So when I started wrestling with sexuality as a teenager, I didn’t talk to anyone; not that there was anyone to talk to but still I had no place to go to process any of this out loud. And when I eventually started having sex, I wore the bad girl label like a second layer of skin. It was my identity and I have stayed in that place of believing myself to be the unlovable bad girl.

I am 40 years old and still single. On really bad days, I believe my singleness is punishment for having sex before marriage. On the not so bad days I tell myself that I don’t really want to be married because deep down, I believe that no one will ever want the bad girl. It is the most consistent lie that the enemy has whispered in my heart over the years and the one I keep believing despite KNOWING it is a lie.

But with each blog post I read, I hear an echo of the Father inviting me into a story of redemption for this area of my life. I read Isaiah 41 a few days after stumbling on all these posts and verse 14 jumped out at me like never before

“Despised though you are, O Israel, don’t be afraid, for I will help you. I am the Lord, YOUR REDEEMER. I am the Holy One of Israel” (Isaiah 41:14 NLT. Emphasis added)

He is my redeemer and He wants to redeem every area of my life including this one. I read Romans 5 this morning and throughout the chapter I saw more echoes of His promise of redemption.

v. 1 “…we have been made right in God’s sight…”

v. 9 “…we have been made right in God’s sight by the blood of Christ.”

v. 10 “..we were restored to friendship with God”

v. 15 “And what a difference between our sin and God’s generous gifts of forgiveness.”

v. 22 “…now God’s wonderful kindness rules instead, giving us right standing with God…”

I feel the Father’s love in these words. I feel Him peeling off the layer of shame and rewriting my identity so I see myself as He sees me, loved so much I was worth dying for. I don’t fully believe it all yet but every day He draws me more and more to Himself. Putting the past and all my mistakes behind me and setting before me an invitation to step into this new story He is writing just for me. His love and His grace truly astound me and I am grateful beyond words.

Moldova: Day 3

January 23, 2013 in Faith, Guest Bloggers, Human Trafficking, Justice, Life Experience, Ministry, Missions, Moldova, Prayer with 4 Comments

Today, I have my friend, Makeda (who is on TeamMoldova with me) guest-posting. She and I served on the same team today in teaching English to students at a Russian public school. I thought I’d let you hear another team members voice today.

So, here’s Makeda…

————–

Today our team was split into three teams as we had the opportunity to go into the public schools of Moldova to help the students work on their conversational English. We used a lesson created by Paul Sims, which helped make today brilliant. I was in a group with Jenni, Helen and Alise; it was definitely a highlight of this trip for me. We taught five different high school classes.

We opened up the lessons introducing ourselves and then we gave them an opportunity to ask us questions about us or America. The younger grades asked more general questions about America – our sports and life in general. The older kids, on the other hand, were definitely very quick to jump into personal questions. Twice, we were asked outright about our faith and Jenni was able to share about Christ in the middle of a Russian public school!

When the kids learned that Jenni was a singer and musician, they asked her to sing for them. She chose to sing the National Anthem and in the last stanza, the rest of us joined her. Side note: Jenni has a beautiful voice and so does Alise, these ladies voices are like angels. I was grateful to have my voice lost in the midst because I clearly would have brought them down.

After the first class, our translator “encouraged” EVERY class to ask us to sing. So, we were incredibly patriotic today as we sang the National Anthem FIVE TIMES! It was a lot of fun actually. For the last few classes we asked the kids to sing the Moldovan National Anthem. Here is a video of one of the classes singing the anthem; they were so good:

Part of our time with the students involved us playing a game with them called “Future Me”. Looking 10 years into the future they had to introduce their future selves to the class. A couple of things stood out for me about these kids. First up they are really smart and very sharp. But what struck me most was that each of them was able to dream, on at least some level, about a future.

In their words was hope that they would be successful, have families and enjoy life. When asked what their proudest moment would be, more than one young person mentioned raising a good family and/or being a good mother/father/wife/husband. How fabulous is that?! It was inspiring to hear them talk. One student stated she wanted to be a receptionist in a hotel. In America that might not seem like a great job to aspire to but in Moldova is actually quite reputable. One must be able to speak English very well, be good at math and have great inter-personal skills; it’s a wonderful thing to want to be when one grows up.

My favorite person from today was a young man who said his proudest moment would be enjoying every day and being thankful for each new day. Despite the odds, this young man was choosing joy in the middle of his circumstances. I don’t know his story but I do know that he lives in the poorest country in Eastern Europe with very little chance of being really “successful” and yet he chooses joy. It was this kind of hope that I saw in teenager after teenager today.

It is clear that the odds are stacked against them but what wasn’t as clear to me is whether or not they know it because, despite everything, they are holding onto hope and choosing, for today at least, to believe that life can be better for them. It is this belief that is driving the work of Beginning of Life in the school system and once again I was inspired to see the work they are doing.

It was such a joy to get to spend the morning with these young people, who are not so different than American teenagers. I think the other ladies would agree with me in saying that we had a lot of fun today hanging with those students. It was a spot of light in the middle of a dark space and it was good to breathe in that light today.

A Hungry Child Can’t Wait: Ask 5 for 5

September 19, 2011 in Guest Bloggers with 0 Comments

Guest Blogger: Sarah Lenssen from #Ask5for5

Family photos by Mike Fiechtner Photography

Thank you, Jenni, and nearly 150 other bloggers from around the world for allowing me to share a story with you today, during Social Media Week.

A hungry child in East Africa can’t wait. Her hunger consumes her while we decide if we’ll respond and save her life. In Somalia, children are stumbling along for days, even weeks, on dangerous roads and with empty stomachs in search of food and water. Their crops failed for the third year in a row. All their animals died. They lost everything. Thousands are dying along the road before they find help in refugee camps.

At my house, when my three children are hungry, they wait minutes for food, maybe an hour if dinner is approaching. Children affected by the food crisis in Ethiopia, Kenya, and Somalia aren’t so lucky. Did you know that the worst drought in 60 years is ravaging whole countries right now, as you read this? Famine, a term not used lightly, has been declared in Somalia. This is the world’s first famine in 20 years.12.4 million people are in need of emergency assistance and over 29,000 children have died in the last three months alone. A child is dying every 5 minutes. It it estimated that 750,000 people could die before this famine is over. Take a moment and let that settle in.

The media plays a major role in disasters. They have the power to draw the attention of society to respond–or not. Unfortunately, this horrific disaster has become merely a footnote in most national media outlets. News of the U.S. national debt squabble and the latest celebrity’s baby bump dominate headlines. That is why I am thrilled that nearly 150 bloggers from all over the world are joining together today to use the power of social media to make their own headlines; to share the urgent need of the almost forgotten with their blog readers. Humans have the capacity to care deeply for those who are suffering, but in a situation like this when the numbers are too huge to grasp and the people so far away, we often feel like the little we can do will be a drop in the ocean, and don’t do anything at all.

When news of the famine first hit the news in late July, I selfishly avoided it. I didn’t want to read about it or hear about it because I knew I would feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable. I wanted to protect myself. I knew I would need to do something if I knew what was really happening. You see, this food crisis is personal. I have a 4-year-old son and a 1 yr-old daughter who were adopted from Ethiopia and born in regions now affected by the drought. If my children still lived in their home villages, they would be two of the 12.4 million. My children: extremely hungry and malnourished? Gulp. I think any one of us would do anything we could for our hungry child. But would you do something for another mother’s hungry child?

My friend and World Vision staffer, Jon Warren, was recently in Dadaab Refugee Camp in Kenya–the largest refugee camp in the world with over 400,000 people. He told me the story of Isnino Siyat, 22, a mother who walked for 10 days and nights with her husband, 1 yr-old-baby, Suleiman, and 4 yr.-old son Adan Hussein, fleeing the drought in Somalia. When she arrived at Dadaab, she built the family a shelter with borrowed materials while carrying her baby on her back. Even her dress is borrowed. As she sat in the shelter on her second night in camp she told Jon, “I left because of hunger. It is a very horrible drought which finished both our livestock and our farm.” The family lost their 5 cows and 10 goats one by one over 3 months, as grazing lands dried up. “We don’t have enough food now…our food is finished. I am really worried about the future of my children and myself if the situation continues.”

Will you help a child like Baby Suleiman? Ask5for5 is a dream built upon the belief that you will.

That something I knew I would need to do became a campaign called #Ask5for5 to raise awareness and funds for famine and drought victims. The concept is simple, give $5 and ask five of your friends to give $5, and then they each ask five of their friends to give $5 and so on–in nine generations of 5x5x5…we could raise $2.4 Million! In one month, over 750 people have donated over $25,000! I set up a fundraiser at See Your Impact and 100% of the funds will go to World Vision, an organization that has been fighting hunger in the Horn of Africa for decades and will continue long after this famine has ended. Donations can multiply up to 5 times in impact by government grants to
help provide emergency food, clean water, agricultural support,
healthcare, and other vital assistance to children and families suffering in the Horn.

I need you to help me save lives. It’s so so simple; here’s what you need to do:

Donate $5 or more on this page (http://seeyourimpact.org/members/ask5for5)
Send an email to your friends and ask them to join us.
Share #Ask5for5 on Facebook and Twitter!

I’m looking for another 100 bloggers to share this post on their blogs throughout Social Media Week. Email me at ask5for5@gmail.com if you’re interested in participating this week.

A hungry child doesn’t wait. She doesn’t wait for us to finish the other things on our to-do list, or get to it next month when we might have a little more money to give. She doesn’t wait for us to decide if she’s important enough to deserve a response. She will only wait as long as her weakened little body will hold on…please respond now and help save her life. Ask 5 for 5.

Thank you on behalf of all of those who will be helped–you are saving lives and changing history.
p.s. Please don’t move on to the next website before you donate and email your friends right now. It only takes 5 minutes and just $5, and if you’re life is busy like mine, you probably won’t get back to it later. Let’s not be a generation that ignores hundreds of thousands of starving people, instead let’s leave a legacy of compassion. You have the opportunity to save a life today!

Brokenness…

June 8, 2011 in Adultery, Faith, Guest Bloggers, Life Experience, Marriage, Ministry with 0 Comments

Today, I’m guest posting over at Leading and Loving It for ‘After the Wedding Wednesday.

In April of 2009, I finally told Brian about my affair. The affair had lasted two years, but I let it steal three from my family and me by hiding it and not revealing it in all its ugliness.

You see, secrets were something I kept well. I had a lot of secrets, so I thought, “why not just add this one to the list?” I never told ANYONE. I was never caught. But as I tried to keep this one hidden, it felt as if my soul was tearing away from me. The affair was no longer taking me away from my marriage and family, but now, I was stealing ME from myself. Worst of all, it was claiming everything I ever had with Jesus.

In my secrets, I was holding back any and every blessing I could have been or given to my kids and husband. I thought I was self-preserving… but in reality, I was self-mutilating my heart. I was failing at everything. In my quest to prevent complete brokenness, I soon found myself failing even that.

Brokenness ensued… and I embraced it…

To read more, CLICK HERE.
I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Second Chances: Cindy Beall

May 26, 2011 in Adultery, Faith, Friends, Guest Bloggers, Marriage, Ministry with 5 Comments

My good friend, Cindy Beall, is one of the most gracious (and funniest) people I know.

What began as me reaching out and grasping for any little bit of hope (and a lot of blog stalking) after the confession of my affair, soon became a real life friendship. I finally got to hug her in real life for the first time two weeks ago in Nashville. We were both at the Leading and Loving It Retreat and what was amazing was when we first saw each other, it was like seeing an old friend again.

This is not Cindy’s first time guest posting over here in my little corner of my internet real estate. She’s posted HERE and HERE before… and this won’t be her last either. Cindy’s book, “Healing You Marriage When Trust Is Broken”, has just been published by Harvest House and will be available soon.

Cindy’s Blog: www.cindybeall.com
Cindy’s Twitter: @cindybeall

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The day my husband, Chris, confessed his unfaithfulness to me will be forever etched in my mind. One doesn’t soon forget that sort of experience. It rocks you. It damages you. It breaks you. It shapes you.

It changes you.

It is my belief that when marital unfaithfulness occurs, one has grounds for divorce. I believe the Scriptures speak to this in Matthew, chapter 5. For some reason God, in His perfect wisdom and revelation, said that the marriage covenant would be broken due to this sin.

I could have left my husband and many, including God, would have understood me doing so. But that didn’t mean I had to. Adultery is grounds for divorce but I believe that it’s also an opportunity for forgiveness, renewal, brokenness and a second chance.

The other day that has been indelibly carved into my mind is the day I decided to trust God to make something beautiful from the mess we got ourselves into. That day I decided to take God at His word when He says that in all things He works for the good of those who love him.

In the process of extending a second chance to my husband, I realized just how much forgiveness had been extended to me. From God. From friends. From family. I came to this conclusion: How in the world can I not give a second chance to someone when I’ve received so many myself?

So I extended that second chance my husband. It wasn’t easy. It was far from comfortable. It took every ounce of my being not to throw it back into his face.

And yet here we are…a little over nine years since “the day”. We are closer and stronger than we have ever been. We are more honest with each other and are truly best friends. These last nine years of our marriage have been so much better than the first nine years. God did all of this through two broken, willing people who simply said, “Our lives are not our own, God. Use them.”

We all need to extend second chances.

Love one another. Show grace. Extend mercy.
Because one day you will need it extended to you.