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JustONE Conference

August 31, 2010 in Faith, Friends, Life Experience, Marriage, Ministry, Web/Tech with 3 Comments

The JustONE Virtual Conference for Pastors’ Wives and Women in Ministry starting soon.

Here are the top 10 great things about JustONE.

10. You don’t have to arrange childcare … unless you count putting an episode of Dora on to help entertain.

9. It costs nothing … nada … zip … zero. Yep, it is totally free.

8. You don’t have to travel. Airplanes aren’t nearly as comfy as your couch.

7. You’ll get to hear from some amazing leaders … amazing. Trust me in this.

6. There will be two … count them … two opportunities to participate every Tuesday.

5. You can get some primo typing practice while you are chatting it up in the chat room.

4. You can drink in mass amount of encouragement.

3. We’ll be talking about relationships & criticism, marriage, family, time & balance, growth and passion.

2. Your husband will wish he could join in.

1. It is going to be epic … amazing … fabulous … and all-around, pretty darn great.

So join us each Tuesday September 7th-October 12th at 12pm EST/9am PST OR 9pm EST/ 6pmPST at this link: http://live.mediasocial.tv/potsc

There is no need to register, but if you do we will be able to send you reminder emails before each session. Registration is available at: http://leadingandlovingit.com/virtual-gathering/

Here are the ladies that we will be hearing from:

Lisa Jernigan and Patty Wyatt…………Donna Politz

Lisa Young………………………………Jenni Clayville

Cindy Beall………………………………Holly Furtick

Tiffany Cooper…………………………..Heather Whittaker

Kay Warren………………………………Lisa Hughes

Kerri Weems……………………………..Sherry Surratt

Natalie Witcher………………………….Amy Groeschel

Jessica Cornelius……………………….Brandi Wilson

DeLynn Rizzo……………………………Lori Wilhite

Grace Is For Sinners Review

August 27, 2010 in Adultery, Books, Faith, Friends, Life Experience, Marriage, Ministry with 8 Comments

If I read this book 5 years ago, I may have never finished it.

I would have been disgusted.
I would have judged Serena.
I would have said “grace costs more than that”
I would have been completely uncomfortable with how many loose ends her story holds.

However, today is a completely different story. Today, I AM Serena (save a few minor differences). I need grace. I’m completely aware that God may have allowed me to fall as far as I did so that I could understand and accept His grace. Which also leads me to believe that I may have been living as a “Christian” yet fully REJECTING His grace before all this.

So, in a very warped way… I’m thankful for the fall so that I could experience restoration.

In this autobiographical book, Serena writes about her experience navigating through life in search for who Jesus is. In the good and in the bad. As Christians, we are taught to flee from evil. We are supposed to hate sin… but somewhere in all that teaching, we have confused “hating the sin” with “hating the sinner”.

We are supposed to flee from evil, but we end up fleeing from those who trip into it instead. The only problem? In this, we end up abandoning those who need community and the Church the most… the one’s Jesus came for.

In this book, Serena bravely speaks up from the “fallen’s” point of view. Not only does she speak from our side (yes, I said “our”) but she backs it up FULLY with scripture. Most church leaders use scripture to cast out sinners and alienate them… but Serena uses God’s words to remind us of God’s love for the sinner and His desire to restore us.

Serena said it best this way: “Jesus wasn’t the atonement in case you accidentally sin. He was the atonement because you hopelessly sin. The freedom that the Bible is talking about is not something you earn by making the right choices; the freedom is the lack of punishment when you don’t make the right choices.”

Here’s another one of my favorite excerpts from chapter 17:

“Grace, by definition, is undeserved authentication of restoration and sanctification. That is a thesaurus-assisted way of saying that grace is an unfair gift of a new beginning and a clean slate. It’s unfair because it goes to the undeserving. Simply put, grace is for sinners.

A person can follow the rules and busy themselves with the work of ‘furthering the kingdom’ and figuring out more ‘relevant’ ways to ‘spread the good news’ but how can they ”grow in grace”? (2 Peter 3:18) How do you grow in something you are a part of only by failure? If grace exists only as a result of failure, then what good does it do to try to be good and follow a religious formula? When you cease to need grace because you’ve reached a place where you can maintain on your own then that is when you have fallen from grace.”

I could quote her forever… because her book is JUST THAT GOOD. But don’t just take my word for it. It’s a must read.

If you haven’t entered to win GRACE IS FOR SINNERS yet, you can HERE. But seriously… if you don’t win this ONE copy I have to give away… go and buy it HERE or HERE.

Have you read her book?
If so, what do you think?

Grace Is For Sinners

August 26, 2010 in Adultery, Books, Faith, Life Experience, Marriage, Ministry with 84 Comments

The last two weeks have been heavy.

I have received more private emails regarding Affair Week than public comments within the posts. I expected to get SOME due to the sensitivity of this subject… but the amount has been mind-blowing.

There are SO many hurting people out there. So many of you feel you can’t ever talk about it to those around you. So many of you feel alone. So many of you feel like grace is for everyone BUT you. My heart breaks because I KNOW that feeling all too well. I remember feeling that. And if I’m totally honest… I still feel that sometimes.

But the truth is Love hung on a cross for me, then rose again, whether I feel that or not.

Grace is NOT for the unstained.
Grace is for me.
Grace is for SINNERS.

Serena wrote a book titled just that. She was kind enough to send it to me to review and in chapter 11, she wrote:

“… it is God’s for me to know Him more completely and He used my failure to teach me these things. It wouldn’t be possible for me to have the perspective that I have if I hadn’t failed. I would have no reason to question anything if everything was great.”

“When you deny pain, you deny the discovery of God in the pain.”

I believe this speaks to so many of us. The one connecting underlying thought I saw in most of the emails that came in was the self-loathing accompanied by hopelessness. It’s much easier to sit in our failures and stay failures than it is to wade out of the muck, walk away and clean ourselves up. We’re so deep in our own filth, the thought of even HOPING we can be redeemed is unfathomable.

We can’t see hope. It hurts to even THINK about seeing hope in the distance.

“Teach them to wait for the beauty while they’re in the ashes. Show them that their own sin only intensifies the awareness of their need for Jesus. Your sin speaks nothing new about your human condition.” ~ Serena Woods (Grace Is For Sinners, chapter 12)

But that’s exactly what this past week was about.

Every guest blogger had a different angle in how adultery affected them. These are just a few of the many I know… but these, my friends who wrote, can TEACH because they waited for beauty in the ashes… in the muck. They didn’t stay in the muck, because they saw better… in the distance. They got out of it. They cleaned themselves off and they walked towards the beauty. The beauty of redemption.

This beauty is for you too. It really is. I promise.

I hope this past couple of weeks has given you hope in whatever you situation may be. Even if it’s only given you a slight glimpse of hope FOR hope… that’s good. You are not alone. We have resources for you. A great one is marriage coaching through RefineOurMarriage Ministry. CLICK HERE for more information.

Now… I’ve written a little review on “Grace is For Sinners” that will post tomorrow, because TODAY… I have a personally addressed and signed copy from the lovely Serena to give away.

You. Want. This. Book.

Since it’s been a little serious up in here for the last week plus, I thought I’d lighten it up a bit here in the comments today. Here’s how you enter to win:

1. Fill in all your CORRECT contact information in the comment box below.
2. In the comment box, let me know:
*** (a) how you found my blog.
*** (b) what book you’re currently reading.
*** (c) your favorite song.
*** (d) the last thing you belly-laughed about.

Easy right? Right.

I’ll randomly pick and announce the winner by 5pm PST on Monday, August 30th.

So… ready. set. GO!

Serena Woods: Black Sheep (Pt 2)

August 25, 2010 in Adultery, Faith, Friends, Guest Bloggers, Life Experience, Marriage, Ministry with 29 Comments

(… continued from…)

The ‘threshing floor’ was the most painful place I’ve ever been, but I wouldn’t take it back. I hate what I did, but what happened in my spirit outweighs it. That’s where the ‘rejoicing in discipline’ comes in. If you’re being disciplined, then you did something wrong. The rejoicing is not in the selfish gain of sin, but in the grace of the lesson.

I learned to not assume a person is the worst thing they’ve done. The ‘kinship’ I feel within the Body of Christ is with those who are beautifully marked with the scars of the ‘threshing floor’.

I was sifted as wheat. The lies were thrown out and burned. And I felt every bit of it.

So, what’s my story? How can my life, reshaped by sin, possibly glorify God? I wondered that for a long time.

I used to be full of pride and judgment. That was put to death when I fell. I loved God, but was still able to sin. I never believed that was possible. I thought I was good. I thought I had it all figured out and I was vocal about my view of Christianity and I gave God credit for my self-righteous judgment of others. I don’t know how many people I turned away during my own ‘Emperors New Clothes’ parade.

Even so, I wanted to have a real relationship with Him. I wanted to really know Him. I wanted to be used by Him. He gave me the desire of my heart. He let me see my worst and taught me what Christianity was really about. He taught me the truth about wanting to do right, but still doing wrong. He taught me how if felt to be condemned by people who call themselves ‘Christians’. He showed me what it was like to be treated like I was an embarrassment to the cross and anyone who could keep me out was doing God a favor.

God’s arm is not amputated—he can still save. God’s ears are not stopped up—he can still hear. There’s nothing wrong with God; the wrong is in you. -Isaiah 59:1-2

So many people, who fall to the severity that I did, never come back to the Christian community. Even if they believe they’re forgiven and approved, coming back into that nest of hornets is the last thing they’re willing to do. I’m not like that. I don’t care what people think of me. I know what happened in my spirit. I know what God thinks of me and I’ll let Him use me like a hot poker to those who think they know better than He does. People don’t have as much of a problem with the sinner as they do with the audacity of grace.

I did everything wrong, I knew better and He still saved me. It doesn’t take away from the beauty of reconciled marriages. It magnifies the message of grace. You can applaud, rightfully, the man and woman for fighting through every human inclination toward homicide. You can applaud the miraculous power of God to restore trust and passion to a raped marriage. In my story, there’s not a man or woman getting any applause. God is the only one honored here.

Not everyone does the right thing. There are too many people who are not encouraged by a story that can never be their own. I’m here to show that God’s grace doesn’t leave anyone out. This isn’t encouragement to do the wrong thing. This is for people who have already done the wrong thing. My purpose is to show people that you can never go too far. God will always take you back.

So many people think that grace gives the sinner the last laugh. It’s my purpose to explain that grace changes the person into being someone who will choose differently next time. Grace gives the person another chance. If you see me laughing, it’s because I’ve been set free.

I use my voice to reach those who don’t know how dirty Jesus will get to rescue those the rest of the world thinks ‘went too far’.

God is sheer mercy and grace; not easily angered, he’s rich in love. He doesn’t endlessly nag and scold, nor hold grudges forever. He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve, nor pay us back in full for our wrongs. As high as heaven is over the earth, so strong is his love to those who fear him. And as far as sunrise is from sunset, he has separated us from our sins. –Psalm 103:8-12

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Do you think you’re too far gone?

Because GRACE is for SINNERS

Serena Woods: Black Sheep (Pt 1)

August 24, 2010 in Adultery, Faith, Friends, Guest Bloggers, Life Experience, Marriage, Ministry with 16 Comments

My brave friend, Serena, has written a truly authentic and self-examining post here from the viewpoint of a woman who had an affair, had a baby, got a divorce & married the man she had an affair with.

In my opinion, she’s truly one of the bravest women I know. Her story isn’t wrapped up and tied up with a perfect little ribbon… but she still chooses to share it boldly. She doesn’t place blame. She doesn’t make excuses. She owns all her own decisions – and because of that, God has given her the most amazing platform to speak from.

It’s not what we’ve done in the past… it’s what we do with it now… TODAY.

Serena’s Blog: www.graceisforsinners.com
Serena’s Twitter: @serenawoods

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“… Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, … that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” –Luke 22:31-32 NIV

That’s the first thing God ever used the Bible to say to me. So ominous, but I had no idea what it meant.

I’ve heard so many beautiful stories about marriages that survive an affair. Poignant stories that parallel God’s relationship with His bride. If couples are willing, God uses their pain and heartbreak to feed ‘His lambs’.

I had an affair, but my story is different in the middle. When I had the choice to fight the current or ride it, I rode it. My marriage ended in divorce and I married the man I had an affair with. I had reasons and they made sense to me. I learned something about reasons, though. They’re the path of candy bits on the way to the trap. Candy can get you trapped, but it can’t set you free.

There’s a strong line when people talk about grace. For a lot of people, I’ve crossed it. If you look at my sin, I’m not a good story.

“You can safely assume that you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.” – Anne Lamott

I was raised to run from evil and that meant people who do evil. There was no separation between the two. The deed and the doer were the same and I had a lot of out of context, half-scriptures to back it up. If ‘you know the tree by the fruit’, then you know the person by their sin. I was self-righteous and brutal to people in the name of Jesus.

“Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction.” — Blaise Pascal

I’m not a good story if you look at my sin. But, my story doesn’t end there.

There are numerous scriptures about chaff being separated from the wheat. The wheat is truth and the chaff is truth’s shroud. There is a threshing floor where the shroud is stripped from the truth.

His winnowing fork is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing floor and gather his wheat into the barn, but the chaff he will burn with unquenchable fire.” -Matthew 3:12 ESV

I never saw this in me. I didn’t know I was capable of such disgusting behavior. I had no problem in owning my fault and deserving the pain that comes with sin. I deserved getting disowned by the Christian community. The only problem was, I was still alive. I was told that any attempt I made to be forgiven would be seen as ‘role playing’. I was cut off from the cross. Jesus was heavily guarded by His followers. The shroud covering His truth.

I had a baby, got divorced and remarried in the same year. I thought our love would make it worth it.

I was wrong about a lot of things…

Count on it: The day is coming, raging like a forest fire. All the arrogant people who do evil things will be burned up like stove wood, burned to a crisp, nothing left but scorched earth and ash— a black day. But for you, sunrise! The sun of righteousness will dawn on those who honor my name, healing radiating from its wings. –Malachi 4:1-2 MSG (emphasis mine)

I was naïve about grace back then. I thought that it would cover me. I didn’t realize how much it would change me. Jesus let me feel the dark long enough to separate the false from the truth. The chaff from the wheat. I was ‘sifted as wheat’ and ripped apart on the threshing floor.

Grace is crazy and intrusive. God didn’t save me with judgment. He saved me with love. I learned a lesson about grace. It doesn’t just cover me. It changed me.

‘…healing radiating from its wings.’…

(… to be continued… )

Brian Clayville: Forgiveness

August 23, 2010 in Adultery, Family, Friends, Guest Bloggers, Life Experience, Marriage, Ministry with 41 Comments

My hero in all of this (other than Jesus) is my amazing husband, Brian.

I don’t even have words to express how grateful and blessed I feel to have him in my life. Brian’s an amazing father… and an even more amazing husband now that we’ve worked through (and will continue to work through) one of the roughest patches I believe we’ll ever need to work through.

He’s grown into an amazingly bold spiritual leader. Not only for our family, but for the community in which we are a part of. I believe every morning he sets his foot on the ground, satan utters expletives. I’m ok with that… because he should. Brian is a force to be reckoned with. Not because he’s a super public speaker or because he’s a blogger (in fact, he neglects his blogs… often), but because he listens, obeys and SPEAKS God’s words without falter or apologies.

He is a MAN among men. He is MY man!

In this post, Brian speaks directly to the hurt party. He speaks well… and I believe there is no better speaker on this matter.

Listen up, soak it in, chime in…

Brian’s Blog: www.brianclayville.com
Brian’s Twitter: @brianclayville

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When you have been wronged, how do you forgive?
Do you have to forgive?
Is it just something you say or is there real action behind it?
How do you know when it is real?

I won’t pretend to be an expert in this matter, but I WILL share my own experience in my processing these questions.

When Jenni told me about her affair I almost instantly wanted to say “I forgive you”. There are a few reasons I wanted to jump to forgiveness right away without even processing what I had just learned.

1.     I am a non-confrontational person by nature.
2.     It would be a lot less painful in the short term to bury this and move on.
3.     I could go on being “the nice guy” and get accolades from my Christian homeys.
4.     It would keep my family together so my kids would have both parents in one home.

However, I intentionally chose NOT to say the words, “I forgive you” too hastily even though I was tempted to.

Deep down I knew it was a lie if I just said it without grieving my loss and processing my pain. I knew that God had work to do in me, in Jenni and especially in our marriage. There was no way for me to know what would happen during this process of unpacking the destruction of our marriage. I chose to take it one day at a time and trust God to help me make right decisions along the way.

In all honesty, I did NOT make all the right decisions along the way, but I DID make some vital decision correctly.

I’ve never been one to hold grudges. As I think back on my life, I’ve never found myself to be offended by anyone in a deep way. It has always been easy for me to forgive people. It was easy for me to say, “forgiveness is required of Christians because of the forgiveness we’ve received from Jesus”. But, now I was in a real world situation where I had really been hurt. I had the opportunity to practice my belief.

What should I do?

Let’s back up for a minute.

I learned of Jenni’s affair around the end of April in 2009. We began counseling in May and worked hard for the next three months. Our goals were to figure out:

* if we could stay married
* why we ended up in such a messy situation
* what we needed to do to prevent anything like this ever happening to us again.

After three months of roller coaster emotions, good conversations and arguing, connecting and mourning. We discovered a lot of good but I was getting really raw emotionally. Exhausted. I began to withdraw. I began to feel sorry for myself and do everything I could to numb the pain. After a month or so of hiding emotionally, I connected with my friend, Chad Markley. He challenged me. I responded. Over the next couple months, Jen and my greatest progress was made.

One day, in August of 2009, during my quiet time with God… He spoke to me about forgiveness. He made it clear that He had forgiven me for so much and that He would continue to forgive me for future mistakes. I desired to be free of bitterness toward Jenni and to not let our past have any power over me. It became clear to me that forgiveness meant no strings, no reminders, no bitterness, and no grudge.

Forgiveness = Freedom!

I made a decision at that moment. I drove straight home and told Jenni what I had done. It was exhilarating and freeing. By far the best decision I have ever made in my married life. But the story doesn’t end here.

With this new found freedom in forgiveness through the power of Christ. I knew I had no authority to ever bring up the affair in a fight to gain emotional power over Jenni. I did not get to make excuses for my behavior because of her past mistake. I had chosen to leave this behind forever as if it never happened. Not to pretend it never happened but to love Jenni and treat her as if it never happened.

Satan has tried to dig it up old feelings and get me worked up at times, but I have been able to turn these thoughts toward Him, the higher power, and ask Him to give me the strength to honor my decision to forgive and move forward. The actual affair has no emotional power over me. I hold no bitterness towards Jenni. I made the decision, but God has DEFINITELY walked with me through all of this… because I asked Him to.

Who do you need to forgive and will you choose freedom?