I have to be honest… it’s a really cool toy for a boy his age. I told him that once he raised enough in his allowance, he could buy it himself. So he’s been working really hard and raising his funds. He’s had the right amount for over 2 months now, but we just haven’t gone out to get it yet.

One day, last week, our sweet neighbor boy (who also happens to be a good friend of Chance’s) left a part of his Bionicle toy outside (yes, they come in pieces… they are lego afterall). Unbeknownst to me, Chance decided to bring it inside to play with it.

This in itself isn’t bad. But wait…

So, neighbor boy comes to the door and asks, “Have you seen my Bionicle part? I left it outside and it’s not there anymore.” Chance walks outside and proceeds to tell him a long, detailed story about seeing someone pick it up and take it.

The next morning, I see him playing with a toy I had never seen before. As I watch, it all clicked.

I ask about the toy. He gets quiet. I ask more specific questions:

Me: “Is this a Bionicle part?”
Chance: “Mmmhmm.”
M: “Do you have a Bionicle?”
C: “No.”
M: “Does this belong to (insert neighbors name)?”
C: “He left it outside!”
M: “Yes, I know… did you take it?”
C: “I was just holding it for him, Mom!”
M: “Then, why didn’t you give it back when he came over and asked about it yesterday?”
C: *quiet* then tears.

This was the first time Chance had done anything like this. Chance knew he had messed up. He had taken something that didn’t belong to him, then lied about it for an extended period of time. He was devastated. I was devastated. Not only for him… but for what all this meant. It hit me. Sin nature affects my beautiful children as well.

This triggered so many thoughts within me.

“If this were me when I was little, my mom would be screaming and beating me right now!”
“What’s the right thing to do?”
“Should we just leave it outside and have them find it again?”
“I can’t just glaze over this.”
“This is a teaching moment. I hate teaching moments.”
“Chance needs to be disciplined.”
“But I also took something that didn’t belong to me and lied about it.”
“OMW… He got this from me.”

I had to leave him in a time-out so I could go upstairs to pray and cry. How do I discipline my child for something I’ve also done?

Remorse. Sadness. Disappointment. Conviction. Humility. Guilt.

Then God whispered His love in my ear: “One of those are not from me, sweet girl.” GUILT.

I got up (4 minute time out for a 4 year old), wiped away my tears, went downstairs, put Chance in my lap:

Me: “Honey, you chose to do a very bad thing. You took something that didn’t belong to you. That’s called stealing… and that makes God, Mommy and Daddy sad. But we can fix it. Do you want to fix it?”
C: *nodded through his tear-filled eyes*
M: “Me too. We need to go next door and return this toy. You need to apologize. And mommy will be there with you the whole time. Are you ready to do this?”
C: *nodded again. then wrapped his arms around my neck.*
M: “Baby… we all mess up sometimes. We all choose the wrong thing to do. And that’s ok as long as we learn from that and don’t do it again. You know Mommy loves you right?”
C: *Quiet* (So, I take his face to mine and ask him…)
M: “Does Mommy love you?”
C: *nods* “Yes.”
M: “You can never do ANYTHING that would make me not love you.”

And there it was.

No matter how much guilt triggered my life, today, I am different. In this moment, I was reminded of what God has been telling me this past year:

“You can never do ANYTHING that would make ME not love you. In fact, I sent my Only Son to die for you so that we could be together forever, I love you that much. Stand up and go make it right.”

A couple days ago, Brian and I took Chance to finally buy his very own Bionicle.

This is a 4 year-old’s version of grace, forgiveness and restoration.

What triggers you?

I love you, Brian…
You’re an amazing father, and there’s no one I’d rather raise our boys with than with you.

Thank you for choosing me…
… for choosing us.

Thank you for all our happy days.

My sweet friend, Nicole has an amazing story. One of adoption, grace, love, brokenness, forgiveness and redemption. I have no idea how she has survived what she has and come as whole as she has. Her existence proves God’s refinement through the fire… however, it also proves her willingness to reflect who God is in ALL circumstances.

She remembered my post about the joys of an invitation from back in January and asked if she could re-post it for Mother’s Day week:

I’m sitting here watching my 4-year-old.

He grabs a little cup from one of the bottom cabinets (we put all the kids dishes where they can reach them so they can help themselves), scurries over to the fridge, fills his cup with water and drinks from it. Then he grabs a couple apple slices I’ve cut for them and runs over to his 1-year-old little brother.

“Here Paxton… want an apple?”

As they both snack, they sit side-by-side and Chance “reads” to Paxton. Then… out of nowhere… Chance says:

“Hey Mom… you wanna come and read with us?”

Read more at Nicole’s place by clicking HERE!

He makes my heart sing.

This kid is a clown.

Wonder where he got THAT from…

1. Desert Song – Brooke Fraser
2. God of Wonders – Marc Byrd & Steve Hindalong
3. Rain It Down – Carlos Whittaker
4. SPECIAL: Your Hands – JJ Heller
5. My All In All – Dennis Jernigan
6. The Stand – Joel Houston

Mother’s Day is a day of emotions.

For Hallmark, it’s a money maker. Cards talk of Happiness, Pride, Gratefulness, Gladness, Hugs, Thankfulness and all the years of hard work mother’s have put into raising their babies to become amazing adults.

For many others, today marks a day of pain, sorrow, isolation, reluctance, loneliness, sadness, hurt and abandonment.

If you’ve been here awhile you’ll know Brian and I struggled with infertility for half our marriage. With miscarriages outnumbering our current total number of children, Mother’s Day is still a rough day for me. I LOVE my children. I look at every day I have with them as a gift. But I will NEVER forget our babies who are now with Jesus.

Mother’s Day also reminds me of my own non-existent relationship with my own mother. Even before she disowned me due to my biggest mistake ever, I remember struggling on Mother’s Day… wishing for a REAL relationship with my mother. All this to say, “Happy Mother’s Day” isn’t always a happy day.

However… I’m fortunate to say my story doesn’t end here. My mother-in-law, Linda, has not only adopted me into her family as a daughter-in-law, but has invested prayers and unconditional love into my life. In the past year, after I came out about having an affair on her youngest son, she did the opposite of my own blood mother. She dropped her pride, personal agenda and bitterness and chose to embrace me. Even in the simplest choices of this past years’ Birthday and Christmas cards… she’s chose cards that said “To My DAUGHTER” instead of “Daughter-In-Law”.

Today is an ode to my Mother-in-Law… who has shown me what unconditional love means. She’s walked hand-in-hand with me working through life, praying through tears, and celebrating through mile-markers.

I know I’m not the only one with this type of story out there. In our service today, Matt talked about our Dependance on God through life. Rebecca and I sang “Your Hands” in response to the message… for all those who have unanswered prayers, who have pain, are weary, broken, lost, and hurt. We sang that in the midst of all that, we never leave God’s hands.

I’ve decided to include it (direct housemixed recording) to this post:

Your Hands (click to listen).

It’s a beautiful song that speaks volumes to me.

So… what are a few words that would describe how you feel right now?

I’ll be back soon… especially since God’s been stirring up quite a bit in my heart as of late… but for now, I’ll just leave you with a cute video of my boys.

This video is a few weeks old. I FINALLY got around to loading it onto YouTube. Better late than never, right?

What is YOUR family “thing”?