It’s been a big day for our family.

Today was…
… the day after Thanksgiving.
… a month before Christmas.
… Paxton’s first nap without his binkie.
… the day Paxton didn’t nap.
… the day Chance lost his first tooth.
… another day I realized my boys are growing up.

Chance’s tooth was barely hanging by a gum-thread (I don’t know if that’s a word, but you totally knew what I was talking about…) so I coaxed him into pulling it. I didn’t want it to break free in the middle of the night and him possibly swallowing it. Yes… that’s how loose it was. So, I made a deal. Pull the tooth and get to stay up 30 minutes later AND have ice cream.

That worked.

Here’s the video we shot while we pulled his tooth out. He was so nervous he started tearing up as I tied the string around his tooth:

He cried for 1 minute. The bleeding stopped in 2 minutes. And then this next video was made:

On this day after Thanksgiving, I’m thankful I get to be a part of every milestone my boys go through. I’m thankful both Brian and I get to be present in their lives. We know that’s not the way our lives could have gone… and for the miracle of life and love… I’m SO eternally grateful.

What are YOU thankful for at this moment?

In the last 3 years… my life, my attitude, my understanding of God, love, grace and marriage has completely changed who I am.

Pax means “peace”… and that is exactly what my little man has brought me. And today, I am reminded of how thankful and humbled I am to be a mother to two amazing little boys.

My Dearest Paxton,

You are the most amazing little boy.
You are funny.
You are creative.
You have the most amazing personality.
You are so, so, SO intelligent.
You seem to always know what to say to get out of trouble.
You love to sing.
You love to sing about Jesus.
You ask the most amazing questions.
You give the most amazing hugs.
Looking at you gives me joy from deeper than I knew existed.
You are sensitive.
You are mischievous enough to keep me on my toes.
You are stubborn & decisive, which tells me you’ll be a great leader.
But you are also quick to apologize and ask for forgiveness.
Your little mind humbles me… just to know you.

I love the conversations we have while Chance is at school. I’m not looking forward to the day when I have to share our time with the school… but I know you are ready to learn and grow even more.

Your arrival three years ago completed our family and helped restore my heart from the darkest of places. Your existence reminds me of God’s love, peace, grace and healing. You just being alive reminds me of the purpose God gave me in this world. Thank you, sweet, Paxton.

I thank God every day that He let’s me be your Mommy. Thank you, Pax, for loving me back!

I love you forever. I like you for always. As long as I’m living. My baby you’ll be.
Love, Mommy

Paxton (3)

Paxton (2)

Paxton (1)

Paxton (8 days old)

]]> http://www.jenniclayville.com/happy-3-paxton/feed/ 13 http://www.jenniclayville.com/you-are-stupid/ http://www.jenniclayville.com/you-are-stupid/#comments Thu, 08 Sep 2011 15:33:33 +0000 jenni http://www.jenniclayville.com/?p=6308 Two days ago, during an errand run, I heard a very tired child whining to his Mom. This is a very normal thing to hear… especially in my household. But the response from this mom made me turn:

“SHUT UP! Stop being stupid!”

WHA???

This immediately triggered my childhood memories. My mother was an exhausted single mom of three trying to make ends meet and though she did her best, Anne Lamott says it best in her book Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith:

“Her best was just terrible.”

She never told me she loved us.
Her actions reminded us daily that her love was conditional.
If we asked a question, we were “stubborn” or “stupid“.
If we questioned HER, we’d get a slap in the face.
When I started experimenting with make-up, I was “ugly“.
When I made the cheer squad and tried my uniform on my 110lbs. frame for the first time, I was “fat“.
Brought home an A… “Why didn’t you get an A+?”
Coming home 3 minutes late once resulted in a beat-down right at the entryway of our house.

Rarely did I hear words of affirmation. Rarely Never did I hear the words “I’m sorry.”

This is not a post about my Mom though. No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. And though my mother and I don’t have much of a relationship today, I have long forgiven her for her incapabilities. We ALL deserve second chances.

This is a post about the long-term effects of our words to our children. Live humans that God puts in our care for a very short time. And as a parent now… I promise you I am far from perfect. I’ve often responded the wrong way more times than I care to admit.

I’ve yelled.
I’ve gotten overly angry at small, petty things.
Lectured for a few minutes too long.
Unnecessarily lectured.
I’ve even forgotten I put one of the kids in timeout so they had an EXTRA-long timeout. Oops.

But I have never, and WILL NEVER call my kids “stupid” and I will NEVER say “SHUT UP!” to them.

Brian and I have spent thousands of dollars on counseling to untangle the lies I believe about myself… because one person spoke them into me. As many of you know, it is ridiculously difficult to re-weave truth into your life when lies are strongly woven into your soul in your youth. You have to go back through the old layers and unweave the lies. So many layers. It’s basically surgery. And I, for one, refuse to do that to my children.

My kids will probably go to counseling about other ridiculous things I do, like embarrass them by dancing or singing loudly in public or my obsessive need for organization and cleanliness… but they won’t ever question their worth or that I love them greatly.

YOU have a responsibility to the next generation. Really. You do.

Don’t be a jerk!
Watch your mouth. Watch your actions.
Those kids don’t belong to you.
They are on LOAN!

Today, my firstborn, Chance, turns 6.

I know I say this all the time… but I really feel like we JUST found out we were pregnant after 3+ years of being told we were infertile. I can’t believe he’s so big.

————–

My dearest Chance,

You never cease to amaze me. Every minute longer I get to be your Mommy only reminds me of how undeserving I really am of this privilege.

You are kind.
You are considerate.
You are loving.
You have deep compassion.
You’re inquisitive.
You strive to be the best in all things.
You love your brother… even when he’s not all that kind to you.
You are SO smart.
You are patient (most of the times).
You can see the good in everyone.
You love Jesus.
You love Daddy and me.
You are quick to forgive… which is amazing because I mess up a lot.
You are quick to ask for forgiveness.
You have an unquenchable desire to learn.
You have a strong sense of justice.
But your extension of grace is stronger.

I know I’m your Mama… but you teach me something new about Jesus every day. And I want to thank you for that.

Daddy and I thank God every day that He let us be a part of your life. You make us better than we were before. You make our family whole.

Chance… I love you more than words could ever express… but I hope you never stop hearing us tell you with the words we DO know.

You will always have my heart. Happy 6th Birthday, my sweet boy!

Love you forever, I like you for always, as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be,
Mommy

Chance at 5 years

Chance at 4 years

Chance at 3 years

Chance at 2 years

Chance at 1 year

Chance’s first few days

Take a minute and wish my boy a happy birthday.
We’ll read this together when he comes home from school.

……………………….

Some photos from his birthday party last Saturday are below.

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[View with PicLens]

… I still hate it.

The two worst kinds of helplessness (in my opinion) is in natural disasters and watching your children suffer. Combine the two… and I’m not sure I would survive any of that mentally or emotionally. I fortunately haven’t had to ever endure the double whammy and pray hard that I won’t ever have to… but this week, I watched one of my children suffer.

Chance started with a dry cough two Wednesdays ago, the day before school started. The cough hasn’t gone away, but it wasn’t paired with congestion or fever… so we just watched him. The cough got worse. More frequent. Still no pairings but it kept him (and the rest of the house) up at night. Other than being exhausted during the day, he still seemed “fine”… till last Thursday.

He had the school call for us to pick him up from school. He had a low grade fever (99.6*… honestly, I think everyone runs hotter here in El Paso) and so we did. That afternoon, he seemed fine. He even tried to weasel his way into playing games and watching movies. I gently told him, “If you come home from school sick, there are no games, no toys and no movies. All you get to do is nap and read.” That made him want to go back to school.

But then, the next day, he was still in bed asleep at 7:45am. This is rare for our kids. They’re usually up at 5:30am, praising Jesus and such (not really). I just called in sick for him. At certain points in the day, Chance would cough so hard and for such long periods of time, he would turn completely red & purple. I tried not to show panic, but I knew he couldn’t breathe.

His birthday party was on Saturday. I thought about canceling it, but again, by afternoon, he seemed fine.

Saturday came and went… all seemed well. Other than being a bit tired and slow, Chance seemed normal. But then on Sunday… OH SUNDAY… the boy basically slept all day. And when he woke up from his nap, he had a small rash on his left cheek. After dinner, it spread to under his chin, and by bedtime, it was all the way to his right cheek as well.

I panicked.

I took pictures and texted them to my friend, Anne, who also happens to be the NP at Chance’s Ped’s office. She said not to panic (yeah… right!) and to come in first thing in the morning.

8:30am rolls around and Chance and I are the FIRST ONES in that office. What’s interesting was when Chance woke up in the morning, his face was completely clear. We had nothing to show Anne there… but she did discover that Chance couldn’t take a deep breath without coughing and had an ear infection.

Chance’s very first ear infection.

Well… he got his first swimmers ear earlier this summer… but it’s not quite the same thing.

Thank God for Medicaid for the boys because Anne could prescribe the exact medications Chance needed to kill this virus without any extra cost to us. We came home with a nebulizer and meds for his ear infection and cough. Well… sort of. He went down for his nap first before taking any of that and woke up like THIS:

No itch. Not warm to the touch. No raised bumps. He didn’t even know he looked like this till I showed him this picture.

Before you ask, no I didn’t change detergent, lotions, or anything else that would cause this. And within the hour, the rash disappeared… again.

Always after his nap. The only thing I could think of was he must have brought an allergen home and shared it with his bed so I took all his bedding and sleep loveys and tossed them in the wash. On HOT.

I honestly think it’s allergies. I had really horrible asthma AND eczema as a kid and  ”outgrew” it (even though I still get it if I hang out with cats too long) so Chance could very well be experiencing the negative sides of my gene pool.

All this to say… I feel HELPLESS. I’m doing my best for my little boy… but his little body just has to fight the rest off.

So, I’m asking you… in my helplessness… please help me. Pray for Chance. Pray for me. Pray for all of us.

To end it on an upper… Chance looks, feels and acts a LOT better since starting his meds today. Here’s the video we took from tonight:

I’m hoping with all his clean bedding, he’ll wake up good as new. I’ll keep you updated.

Thank you in advance for intercessing on our behalf!

So how do you eat a lollipop?
Suck till obliterated or a few bites?