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Hello 2012

January 2, 2012 in Church Planting, Faith, Family, Forgiveness, Life Experience, Personal Entries, Prayer, Second Chances with 1 Comment

I’ve been quietly watching as my twitter & facebook feeds update with many of my friends talking about their New Year’s Resolutions.

I have none.

Not that I have anything against resolutions or people who have them. I’ve seen many of my friends make resolutions and keep them EVERY YEAR. They’re amazing. But it’s not for me. Not anymore.

Last year, we moved 1,700 miles away from everything we knew. In the last 12 months, we’ve been stretched and worked. And though it was challenging, it was worth it. Every. Minute.

And I’ve learned a lot. A LOT…

… about who God is. That He is exactly who He claims to be. And that He’ll truly provide when you believe you have nothing left.

… about my family. About how courageous they are. About how loving they are. About how forgiving they are. I’ve learned that Brian is my protector, my cheerleader and the center of my every earthly desire. I’ve learned that my life is where he is. And from my two sons, I’ve learned about grace and determination and how to apply that in every day life. My kids are amazing.

… about my friends. I’ve learned how some really are more family than the “family” I was born into and how these friends are part of God’s gift of restoration in my life. If I were Job, these friends would be my second birth family… and I am thankful for second chances.

… about myself. I’m not even close to the same person I was three years ago. And I’m really starting to like myself for who I really am. I’m not saying “I’ve arrived” or that I don’t have stuff to work on. I’m forever a work in progress. But I like myself, maybe even love myself, more than I ever have.

And I’ve learned all this because I didn’t create resolutions I knew I was going to break. Sure, I had some goals… because we all need goals in life… but mostly, I prayed… and I listened. I really, really LISTENED because I wanted to clearly hear that ONE Voice that matters most to me. And when He spoke, and I obeyed… I learned.

2012 is just an extension of 2011. A continued journey for me.

So, no resolutions. No “I promise till I forget”. Just simply… I’m here. And I’m ready.

Carpe Diem. LET’S GO!!!

November 25th, 2011

November 26, 2011 in Chance, Family, Motherhood, Paxton, Personal Entries with 3 Comments

It’s the end of today. November 25th.

It’s been a big day for our family.

Today was…
… the day after Thanksgiving.
… a month before Christmas.
… Paxton’s first nap without his binkie.
… the day Paxton didn’t nap.
… the day Chance lost his first tooth.
… another day I realized my boys are growing up.

Chance’s tooth was barely hanging by a gum-thread (I don’t know if that’s a word, but you totally knew what I was talking about…) so I coaxed him into pulling it. I didn’t want it to break free in the middle of the night and him possibly swallowing it. Yes… that’s how loose it was. So, I made a deal. Pull the tooth and get to stay up 30 minutes later AND have ice cream.

That worked.

Here’s the video we shot while we pulled his tooth out. He was so nervous he started tearing up as I tied the string around his tooth:

He cried for 1 minute. The bleeding stopped in 2 minutes. And then this next video was made:

On this day after Thanksgiving, I’m thankful I get to be a part of every milestone my boys go through. I’m thankful both Brian and I get to be present in their lives. We know that’s not the way our lives could have gone… and for the miracle of life and love… I’m SO eternally grateful.

What are YOU thankful for at this moment?

Happy 3, Paxton!

November 6, 2011 in Family, Life Experience, Motherhood, Paxton, Personal Entries with 13 Comments

Three years ago today, I walked into an O.R. at St. Vincent’s Hospital in Portland, Oregon. 30 minutes later, I saw them pull Paxton out of where he was so comfortably housed for the 10 months prior.

In the last 3 years… my life, my attitude, my understanding of God, love, grace and marriage has completely changed who I am.

Pax means “peace”… and that is exactly what my little man has brought me. And today, I am reminded of how thankful and humbled I am to be a mother to two amazing little boys.

My Dearest Paxton,

You are the most amazing little boy.
You are funny.
You are creative.
You have the most amazing personality.
You are so, so, SO intelligent.
You seem to always know what to say to get out of trouble.
You love to sing.
You love to sing about Jesus.
You ask the most amazing questions.
You give the most amazing hugs.
Looking at you gives me joy from deeper than I knew existed.
You are sensitive.
You are mischievous enough to keep me on my toes.
You are stubborn & decisive, which tells me you’ll be a great leader.
But you are also quick to apologize and ask for forgiveness.
Your little mind humbles me… just to know you.

I love the conversations we have while Chance is at school. I’m not looking forward to the day when I have to share our time with the school… but I know you are ready to learn and grow even more.

Your arrival three years ago completed our family and helped restore my heart from the darkest of places. Your existence reminds me of God’s love, peace, grace and healing. You just being alive reminds me of the purpose God gave me in this world. Thank you, sweet, Paxton.

I thank God every day that He let’s me be your Mommy. Thank you, Pax, for loving me back!

I love you forever. I like you for always. As long as I’m living. My baby you’ll be.
Love, Mommy

Paxton (3)

Paxton (2)

Paxton (1)

Paxton (8 days old)

Overwhelmed

October 17, 2011 in Faith, Floating Thoughts, Life Experience, Personal Entries with 8 Comments

I feel like I’m treading water.
My heads just above the water line.
I’m tired.
No. Exhausted.
I see land. Rest. Hope.
But it’s SO far away.
And I don’t know if I can get there.
Or if I’ll drown before I get there.
Maybe if I float on my back for a bit.
Where’s my back again?
And what if I get turned around while I’m on my back floating?
What if start floating the wrong direction.
I need a coastguard.
And a strong cup of coffee.

Dance with a Limp

September 28, 2011 in Faith, Friends, Life Experience, Personal Entries, Second Chances with 9 Comments

When I write it out… I feel like I remember it better.

Time

September 25, 2011 in Faith, Friends, Life Experience, Personal Entries with 17 Comments

It’s my birthday. Today, I turned 33. It’s been a good day so far…

… but it is extremely bittersweet.

Last night, my sweet friend, Sara, went Home to be with Jesus. She was SO sick… her body kept her captive… but today, she is painless and free.

We knew two weeks ago this day was coming. Strike that. We knew 4 years ago this day was coming. Our girl hung on for a long time. But it was time. Because there is a time for everything.

Time.

Two days ago, my friends, Shane & Brandi, gave birth to a beautiful, healthy boy named Jude. He’s gorgeous. He smells like a fresh baby (Moms… y’all know what I’m talking about!) and when he cries, it is that sweet, gentle, cooing cry.

I got to hold him today and looked deep into his eyes. His sweet baby’s breath as his proof of life. And as I held him I couldn’t help but see Sara. Somewhere in the last 2 days, a swap happened. Life happened. Death happened. Time happened.

Not that Jude’s life is somehow a swap for Sara’s. Not at all. But time happened.

Jude is here.
Sara is gone.
I turned 33.

Time.

And Sara has taught us how to use our time well. Every minute Sara lived pointed upwards… to someOne bigger. And I want to live like that too.

Today… my birthday wish is for prayer. That you would pray for Sara’s family and friends as they mourn and celebrate her amazing life. That you would pray for Jude — the amazing life he has been blessed with and that he gets to know Jesus as his own personal Savior at an early age. And for me… in my bittersweet… to taste more of the sweet because that hint of bitter is present.

And for the present. And that it’s used for His glory.

Because it’s time.