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Worship Confessional: 5.05.13

May 5, 2013 in Church Planting, Faith, Ministry, Music, Paseo, POTSC, Second Chances, Worship, Worship Confessional with 2 Comments

I don’t understand why boxing is a sport. But that has nothing to do with this post… so…

Today, we used a much smaller band to pull out the acoustic feel of our worship set. Our Sunday Setlist was:

Our God – Chris Tomlin
God of This City – Bluetree
10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord) – Matt Redman
Your Hands – JJ Heller
Be Thou My Vision
Glorious – Trent Smith

If you guys haven’t heard my friend, Trent’s, music yet… you are missing out. Simply click on his name above to hear just ONE of his amazing songs.

Our team was simple: 3 people.
2 guitars (Herman Seufert & me).
1 keyboard (Ryan Ogletree).
2 vocalists (Ryan & myself).

If you’d like to hear the live house recording (mistakes and all) of the second half of our set from this morning, you can click on the link.

05.05.13-Paseo Worship

It’s the last three songs on the list. For some reason… we had some technical difficulties and didn’t record the first half of our gathering… or the first 2 minutes of the sermon. Oops.

Anyway… this morning was really fun… even past my headache that hasn’t stopped for days. Before you lecture, I’m going to the doctor tomorrow. But it was fun bringing the team down to a more minimal sound. Even more fun to hear everyone singing back. I wish the recording would pick that up.

We wrapped up our People of the Second Chance (POTSC) series today so the last half of the set was specifically chosen to call glory to God for our second, third, fourth, millionth chances that we so don’t deserve but He so lovingly offers. If you have time, check out our podcasts HERE.

How was YOUR Sunday?

Sex, Shame & Identity

March 4, 2013 in Adultery, Faith, Forgiveness, Friends, Guest Bloggers, Life Experience, POTSC, Prayer, Second Chances with 9 Comments

My good friend, Makeda, has written this post. It’s brilliant. It’s raw. It’s real.

She doesn’t have the nerve to post it on her own sites because, let’s be honest, Christians in our own circles are often the worst of uninvited judges. So, here she is today.

I think she’s brave. If all of us were more honest and candid as she is here, maybe the church wouldn’t be as hated by the world as it is. Just a thought.

Without further adieu… Makeda…

———————

“This is a new year. A new beginning. And things will change.”

A few weeks ago several blogs that I follow started writing about sex and purity in the church culture. It was random that so many of them were writing on this topic and it caught my attention. It has since turned into a very intentional conversation about how the church has historically handled the issues of sex and purity. You can go here to see a list of the blogs that are participating in this conversation. This post is not intended to add my voice to that conversation but rather to share the space I am in as God is working to redeem sex and sexuality for me.

I have a very skewed view of sex. I was not one of the girls who waited until marriage to have sex. There is a lot of shame for me around this issue. I grew up in a church culture that taught me I was supposed to wait and if I didn’t wait then I was a bad girl (who, by the way, was going straight to hell). I was a rule follower and a perfectionist as a child. I wanted other people to like me and I knew that if I was perfect, I could always guarantee they would love me. For this reason, among others, maintaining my good girl image was very important to me. So when I started wrestling with sexuality as a teenager, I didn’t talk to anyone; not that there was anyone to talk to but still I had no place to go to process any of this out loud. And when I eventually started having sex, I wore the bad girl label like a second layer of skin. It was my identity and I have stayed in that place of believing myself to be the unlovable bad girl.

I am 40 years old and still single. On really bad days, I believe my singleness is punishment for having sex before marriage. On the not so bad days I tell myself that I don’t really want to be married because deep down, I believe that no one will ever want the bad girl. It is the most consistent lie that the enemy has whispered in my heart over the years and the one I keep believing despite KNOWING it is a lie.

But with each blog post I read, I hear an echo of the Father inviting me into a story of redemption for this area of my life. I read Isaiah 41 a few days after stumbling on all these posts and verse 14 jumped out at me like never before

“Despised though you are, O Israel, don’t be afraid, for I will help you. I am the Lord, YOUR REDEEMER. I am the Holy One of Israel” (Isaiah 41:14 NLT. Emphasis added)

He is my redeemer and He wants to redeem every area of my life including this one. I read Romans 5 this morning and throughout the chapter I saw more echoes of His promise of redemption.

v. 1 “…we have been made right in God’s sight…”

v. 9 “…we have been made right in God’s sight by the blood of Christ.”

v. 10 “..we were restored to friendship with God”

v. 15 “And what a difference between our sin and God’s generous gifts of forgiveness.”

v. 22 “…now God’s wonderful kindness rules instead, giving us right standing with God…”

I feel the Father’s love in these words. I feel Him peeling off the layer of shame and rewriting my identity so I see myself as He sees me, loved so much I was worth dying for. I don’t fully believe it all yet but every day He draws me more and more to Himself. Putting the past and all my mistakes behind me and setting before me an invitation to step into this new story He is writing just for me. His love and His grace truly astound me and I am grateful beyond words.

Choosing Second Chances

June 18, 2012 in Adultery, Faith, Family, Forgiveness, Life Experience, Marriage, POTSC, Second Chances with 2 Comments

I’ve always been a huge supporter of People of the Second Chance (POTSC). I AM a person of the second chance… “global community of activists, imperfectionists and second chancers committed to unleashing radical grace everyday, in every moment, for everyone.” And now, I have the amazing privilege of being a more active partner.

We’ve just launched SECOND CHANCE COACHING as a resource to those in need of a second chance but need a little help to the kickstart to their journey of newfound grace.

And to help get the word out, I shared my second chance story over there.

Adulteress.
Promise Breaker.
Home Wrecker.
Whore.

Those are my labels. I can’t say I don’t know how I got here, because in July 2006, I intentionally chose to break my marriage vows. I chose to step into an affair.

I was aware of what I was doing every step of the way. I knew I was breaking my covenant to my husband. I knew I was helping him break his promise to his wife. And, oh, the kids…

To read the rest… CLICK HERE.

In Exchange

April 25, 2012 in Faith, Forgiveness, Life Experience, Ministry, Personal Entries, POTSC, Second Chances with 4 Comments

I wrote a version this for this weeks e-newsletter for Paseo. Thought I’d post it here too:

Paseo is currently walking through the book of Luke. I usually enjoy book studies. And in this case, I am LOVING it. When I read through the journey Jesus walked, I’m reminded of two things:

1. I am a Pharisee.
2. The Grace of Jesus gives me a second chance to change that.

Last week and this week is focused on Luke 6. In The Message version, we read the famous Beatitudes like this:

“You’re blessed when you’ve lost it all. God’s kingdom is there for the finding. You’re blessed when you’re ravenously hungry. Then you’re ready for the Messianic meal. You’re blessed when the tears flow freely. Joy comes with the morning. Count yourself blessed every time someone cuts you down or throws you out, every time someone smears or blackens your name to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and that that person is uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—skip like a lamb, if you like!—for even though they don’t like it, I do . . . and all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company; my preachers and witnesses have always been treated like this.”

What is listed above is the exact opposite of what we are taught to be like as strong Americans. Most (if not all) of us can NOT say we’ve lost it ALL, been ravenously hungry for an extended period of time, allowed our tears to fall freely and unashamedly, or found joy when we’ve been cut down and discredited.

We avoid this like the plague. The mere possibility of the list above makes us all uncomfortable. We work extremely hard to control our results, outcomes, possibilities, other people, and our chaotic lives around us in order to avoid discomfort. Unfortunately, many of us find ourselves in this very predicament of “discomfort” due to our controlling behaviors.

I can’t say I’ve lost everything. I’ve lost a lot in my life… but definitely not everything. I’ve been hungry… but I can’t say I’ve ever been “starving” (though I’ve over-exaggerated at times). And I’ve never found joy in being cut down or discredited. In fact, I’ve found myself hurt, offended & angry.

And the more I process this, the more I can confidently say it all comes down to one thing for me: PRIDE.

I care too much what others think of me. And maybe I care too much of what I think of myself. I’ve forgotten what God thinks of me.

So now, my desires must be adjusted.

I don’t think I need to search for ways to lose everything or become starved or to find someone to cut me down… but I think I need to be okay with all that happening.

And when I take a moment to ponder the things… important things I’ve lost, I realized the insurmountable amount I’ve gained afterwards. In the moments of hunger and thirst I’ve found food and drink to be so much more delicious. In the times I’ve cried so many tears I almost drowned myself… the freedom and release that comes next is incomparable to anything else. And in not fighting being cut down and discredited… God has inserted others to build me back up.

In all this, I am reminded of what I really am: BLESSED.

And I want more blessings. So in exchange, I give up control. It’s only my perception I have any in the first place

How about you?
How do you manage the pain to receive the blessing?

Joanne

November 3, 2011 in Faith, Family, Life Experience, POTSC, Prayer, Second Chances with 15 Comments

Brian, me and our two boys went to Phoenix this past few days to attend Brian’s grandfather’s funeral. Grandpa Forest passed away on Friday evening. The services were beautiful (he had a memorial service at the church as well as a military funeral service at the cemetery). I’ll write more about this later because it was one of the most beautiful events I’ve ever observed.

Our 8 hour drive was somewhat uneventful. Some traffic. Stopped for dinner. Lots of potty breaks.

We pulled off the freeway. It’s 9:30pm.Way past the boys’ bedtimes. But 5 minutes till we were home. Good enough. I look down to text Mom & Dad to tell them we were almost home when Brian pulls the car over and exclaims:

“That guy is punching her in the face!”

WHAT??? I look behind me on the sidewalk and I see two dark figures struggling. The next few minutes feel like a whirlwind.

Brian parks the car to the side of the street (no parking on this street, mind you) and gets out.
He runs toward the couple and steps in front of the girl.
Chance unbuckles his seat belt, “I wanna go too!”
Me: “NOPE! Get back in your carseat!”
I call 9-1-1.
“9-1-1 Operator, what is your emergency?”
“There’s a man here hitting a girl on the street.”
I give our location.
He’s no longer hitting her, but he’s yelling.
She’s yelling back.
Brian says to the not-so-gentleman, “You need to just walk away.”
The guy flings a few crude & uneducated words into the air and walks away.
Girl is crying.
I just hold her. She’s shaking.
I don’t know what to say.
Me: “I’m Jenni. What’s your name?”
Her: “Joanne.”
Me: “Joanne, can we take you somewhere?”
She doesn’t have anywhere to go.
It’s freakin’ cold outside.
I crank up the heat in our car and put her in the passenger seat.
Police show up.
Then another pulls up.
Then a police truck pulls up.
Then a firetruck.
WHAT IS GOING ON???
Chance & Pax are in police car & firetruck heaven.
We give our reports to the officers.
They question her. She lies. Denies everything.
My heart drops.

Once the police were out of earshot, I sat with her again.

I asked her, “Why didn’t you tell them the truth?”
She replied, “Lady… I love him. I don’t have anywhere to go.”
“We can get you help.”
“I really appreciate you for taking time, but I’m nobody.”

I grabbed her hand and made her look at me in the eyes…

“Listen carefully, Joanne. This is important! You are NOT a nobody. If you were nobody, we wouldn’t have stopped. We wouldn’t be here right now. You are somebody. You are somebody beautiful and special. I don’t know who told you you weren’t but they are liars. I see you are breath-taking and worth so much more than you know. I KNOW you are somebody… and I hope you believe that about yourself someday too.”

She cried.

“That’s really nice of you. You don’t even know me.”
I tell her, “I know enough.”

I wrote down my phone number for her. And my email address (just in case), handed it to her and said:

“I’m hoping you don’t go back to him. But I know you might. And in case you do, and in case you find yourself in this situation again, I want you to make the situation different because you have the power to do that. This is my number. Call me. I’m just around the corner and I will come get you. Do you understand?”

“Yes. Thank you!”

And then I asked if I could pray for her. For her and him. She said yes… and she cried straight through my prayer.

We’re finally home. Our “5 more minutes” became “an hour later.” We had enough time to explain to our boys what happened. We talked about why we stopped, why Daddy was so brave and why we do the right thing even with people we don’t know and EVEN when it may not be safe to.

Chance had some questions and thoughts… like he always does. Pax wanted to know why we weren’t at the hotel anymore (he was more enamored with the flashing lights on the police cars. I’m ok with that.). We did the best we could with both of their questions.

** Quick note: if you’re a Joanne… read the bolded italics up above again. Tell someone. And if you think you have no one, tell me. Click on the “CONTACT” square on the left column near the top. I WILL get back to you and we’ll find you resources together. YOU are beautiful and made with a purpose. NO ONE gets to lay a hand on you like that. NO ONE.

For the rest of you out there: if you ever see stuff like this going on in public… STEP UP. It IS your business. What if that was YOUR daughter/sister/mother? Do the right thing. For humankind.

My husband is valiant, brave and a hero. He proved that tonight. In front of me and in front of our boys. Not because he was trying to prove something… but because he was going with his gut and doing the right thing. He could have gotten punched. He knew that. He did the right thing anyway. I am so proud of him!

What would you have done?

POTSC: the Church

September 26, 2011 in Faith, Forgiveness, POTSC with 18 Comments

For some… this is what the Church looks like.

As a Christ follower… I KNOW the Church, the body of Christ, doesn’t land on one domination or one group of people. But the reality stands (especially down here in the borderland)… this is who represents the church.

I am a Pastor at Paseo Christian Church. I believe that with my leadership comes a higher level of accountability. With people… but especially with God. But what happens when the boundaries of accountability help cover up the mistakes and the horrible wrong-doings?

I’ll be honest here. I have grace for a lot of things. But I would have a VERY difficult time extending grace if someone hurt my child. Mama bear might come out and rip your face off.

DO.
NOT.
MESS.
WITH.
MY.
KIDS.

And there are some things that are done… that can never be undone.

Sexual abuse. It’s violent. It’s damaging. It’s irreversible. When it comes from someone who’s a spiritual guide that is supposed to be SAFE, it violates not only the physical, emotional and mental sides of us, but it destroys our spiritual being. How are we to ever look at God and trust Him when we can’t trust our earthly guides that help connect us to Him.

And when it comes to children. It’s unforgivable.

Or is it?

How audacious IS grace?