My sweet and beautiful friend, Sara (we call her Gitz), has been sick for a long time.
We met 3 years ago through the blogosphere and somehow connected strongly. Since then… she’s been present through every single one of my life altering situations. All from the confines of her small condo. She even attended Brian and my vow renewal from her home with some live video help from Brent.
Sara has Ankylosing Spondylitis. This life stealing disease eventually kept her homebound. And now… hospice has arrived to take care of her in her last days.
All of us knew this day would come. We just didn’t really think it would come so soon. She’s young. She loves Jesus. She’s a part of our lives.
I watched her get sicker.
Chance watched her get sicker.
We’ve been video chatting quite a bit in the last 3 years… and on good days, she’d only lunge forward in pain maybe 5 times. On the worst of days, we would have to cut the chatting short. Then she’d send a text afterwards apologizing even though there was absolutely no need for the apology.
At the beginning of our video chat relationship, Sara used to turn the webcam when pain hit… which only caused me to worry more because I then couldn’t see if she was going to “alright” afterwards. But Chance usually sat in with us on this chats, and Sara did that to protect him. She didn’t want him to get scared. And I love her for that.
Though Sara was confined to her home due to her illness, her spirit was NEVER confined there. A disease like this can cause you to look inward, feel sorry for yourself, lose hope and shut down. But not Sara.
Sara has always been present and alive.
We were a part of the same LifeGroup Online through much of my most difficult times. She sent me “this-song-made-me-think-of-you” emails as I was healing. And Sara made sure I was always stocked with her self-made personalized stationary. She always made me laugh at how creatively she could string words together to make a sentence. And she is a prayer warrior. I knew she was ALWAYS praying for me, my family, my marriage and my kids. And her insight into the Word of God… her insight… there are no words.
Sara made my life better. More joyful. She has taught me a lot about joy. About CHOOSING Joy.
Last night, while putting Chance & Pax to bed, Chance prayed for “Gitzy” as he often does… but tonight he prayed:
“God, please make a miracle and heal Gitzy’s body so she can visit us soon.”
I didn’t know what to say then. I just cried. But this morning… I know his prayer will be answered. Not the way he expects. But God is going to heal Sara’s body 100%. And we WILL see her soon.
In tears, I say this. I know Sara’s body has had all it can take. She’s ready to leave this life of pain and be with Jesus. She’s ready to take a full breath in again. She’s ready to go Home and laugh without pain. To run without needing to stop. To have no more restrictions. And it’s time. But I’m not ready for Jesus to take her Home. I’m just being honest. I feel heartbroken. And selfish. And I know if she knew, she would tell me to stop crying. Because she’s ready to go Home.
Thank you, Sara, for the imprint you’ve made on my heart. You will live forever on earth through our hearts. So many love you because you have loved so many.
I love you. Greatly.
And though you leaving us here SUCKS. I’m Choosing Joy.
———-
You can read more posts about Sara at Jessica’s.
And my favorite tribute to her by Matthew.
sigh… she has been that presence that has walked with so many of us through our “stuff”… i love that I got to “attend” your vow renewal with her too friend…
yes, jenny! i was so thankful brent set that up so you could all be with us.
I never got to be as close to Sara as you guys did, but she has been close to my heart for a long time.
She has consistently been in my prayers, and I had long hoped that she wouldn’t have to stay locked in that condo forever.
Sara has been such an inspiration to me, and this world’s a better place for having had her in it. I just hate that she has to leave so soon.
yes. i know exactly how you feel.
Beautiful post Jenni. She is an amazing woman of God.
“It is such folly to pass one’s time fretting instead of resting quietly on the heart of Jesus.” – Gitz.
She sent me a wooden sign that has this quote. Such a sweet spirit!
she’s amazing. i love that she is in the homes of so many because of all the signs and plaques she made.
Love you.
ditto.
She truly is a joyful person, and holds such a special fondness for those of you she touches so well through her words and gifts. And the children – how she loves to chat about the children! All of us are better people because of Sara. I long to reach out and hug everyone who has loved her so well and filled her heart. And she will remain always present and alive in us.
you are absolutely right, candy. she will always be alive in us. always.
Ahh Jenni Praying for you! Great reflection of Her.
thank you so much for your prayers, reese. i just wish i had better words to truly reflect how wonderful she really is. but words would never do her justice.
I was never in her circle of friends but always watched from the edges because she is such an amazing woman. The way she’s facing everything is such an inspiration.
she really is, jason. amazing in every way. i’m pretty sure no one in the world could say a single bad thing about her
I’m so sorry for you and your friend. She’s beautiful and knows how to rock the curly hair! Praying for her and you!
yes, nat. she’s absolutely beautiful.
I put a tribute to her on my blog too … And I’m crying so hard inside coz I can’t do it outside while I’m here at work… but Oh GOD it hurts. I wanna curl up in a fetal position ….
But – like Sara did – I WILL choose joy.
I remember having to tell Amanda, at the age of 7 or 8, that one of bff’s dad’s had died the night before. Of a self-inflicted gunshot. With her friend in the basement with her 3 sisters. Where their mom had sent them when he got the gun out. Death is hard enough to explain to kids! I know you will find the words you need. When you need to.
We have all been on a great journey with Sara. You, Brian, Crystal, David, & Diane, especially with your LifeGroup. I feel blessed to have her songs on my iTunes player.
I pray that I can continue to #choosejoy even when I don’t wanna! Sara makes me want more out of my day. I mean to make every moment I’m awake count. Good or bad. Blessings in both can be found.
thanks, shellie! so thankful for you.
I love this tribute to her…so beautiful. When I first found out the news about her yesterday, I was so heartbroken and sad, but I found this quote on Sara’s blog last night as I was looking through her past blog posts.
“Because if I am still on this earth, it means He has intended for me to do something more. If I didn’t have something more to do, He would reward me by taking me home to Him.”
Amen, Sara.
It makes me smile to think that she is going to be skipping and doing cartwheels through the gates of heaven. And God will say to her, “Well done my good and faithful servant.”
sara had such an amazing way with words. i really will miss her presence in my life, but i am SO thankful i get to see her in my eternal life.
I <3 Sara, just like so many. I wrote about her today too. She has been such an inspiration to me, especially when began my journey with Ankylosing Spondylitis.
I will miss her so so much. No more pain.
oh, jennifer. i’m so sorry you have AS too. but AS affects everyone so differently. is yours extremely drastic or is it controllable with steroids?
my heart is breaking.
Although i want her to be painfree and home.
hugs – i too am choosing joy.
hugs, theresa! we’re all feeling the same thing for sara. it’s good to know you get it too. love you so!
What a beautifully woven tribute to your friend Sara. May you be wrapped in a cloak of comfort in coming days as you grieve for her – I read her blog only a short while and yet felt connected to her. Is there anyone would could not? And yet I did not know her as you did, so pray for you, that the imprint she has left on your heart would refill you with an inexplicable joy.