I’m not really sure what’s going on, but I’ve returned to the worst habit I’ve ever had — NAIL BITING.
Ugh. I can’t believe it. I’m devastated. You may think this is the dumbest thing to be so upset about, but let me explain before you get all judgmental on my junk.
I have serious control issues.
It is due to being controlled straight through my childhood and adolescence (actually… even into adulthood). It’s my fight to claim independence. I feel like I have to control all things around me. As I’ve written about before, I’ve spent a good chunk of change on counseling to remedy this. I also joke about my OCD tendencies quite a bit. Well… the joke is only funny when you aren’t in the midst of the struggle.
Well… they’re all coming out now.
For the last year, I felt that I was actually getting better. I really felt like I was releasing a lot of my silly concerns. Fewer things bothered me, and I enjoyed more things. My understanding in who God created me to be was starting to really take flight.
Fortunately, I don’t think I’ve resorted back to old habits, however, the first thing that usually rears it’s ugly head is NAIL BITING. So, is this my sign to go back to counseling? Are there festering issues that I feel anxious over? Are things spiraling out of control?
Maybe I’m overanalyzing. Maybe it was just a moment of weakness and there was the PERFECT snag in my nails to be bitten. No matter… this silliness must cease. I do not want my controlling habits to control me.
Plus, do you know how many germs live under my nails. I’m gagging right now, just thinking about it.
Hey ~ If you ever want to talk about control and OCD issues, just give me a call. Seriously. I feel your pain and know the struggle that you’re dealing with.
I bit my nails as a teenager. I really did! It drove my dad crazy. I don’t remember what he said or did to get me to stop, but it worked.
You shouldn’t bite your nails, but you know this otherwise you wouldn’t write this. I think it’s a sign of anxiety. You need to figure out what is making you anxious and kill it!
Oh, and the germs. Yeah. The germs…
Funny . . . I was looking at mine this morning thinking, “well there’s a signal about how you’re doing”.
I have no doubt you know that recognition is one of the first big steps. Don’t underestimate the stress of holidays and the resulting (often delayed) fallout. In the meantime, I’ll be praying that God leads you through the processing and gives you daily strength to keep up the fight!
Heather and Laura – thanks so much. It’s great to have friends that support me in prayer and encouragement.
Matt – you’re weird. Why do you always want to kill things?
I know why your anxious and I can’t solve it for you. All I can do is love you. Please don’t kill anything.
check out my hooves sometime… i must be a control freak too.
I love your honesty! You are relenquishing control by simply allowing yourself to be vulnerable and transparent with your challenge. Yay, for you! I’ll tuck your struggle into my prayers.
I never have been able to have ‘nails’ anyway. I guess that I do too much with my hands to be able to keep nails from breaking. Life goes on just fine.
Boy, can I understand control issues!! I don’t bite my nails, but I try and control in other ways. God revealed some things to me this past weekend that were BIG and since I’ve been taking them to him for the past 24 hours, I’ve had a tremendous release!! It’s really cool!! Now I just need to keep it up. We should do lunch sometime soon. You free next week?
Carrie… lunch sounds GREAT!!! Call me. Let’s figure out our schedules.