Jenni Clayville

Today’s post was written by my friend, David Goodwin.

David and his wife, Diane, are a part of my LifeGroup Online group.  We’ve been meeting for over a year now and I can honestly say that David & Diane are a couple we have not only come to love deeply, but trust fully.

Just like me, David is the Worship Director at his church in Australia and better yet, sang in a barbershop quartet in high school.  For those of you who don’t know… I did too.

David and Diane are not fair-weathered friends. They are faithful, constant, loving, merciful, strong, brave, gracious and forgiving.  All the things I work towards being more of.

They have stood firmly in God’s word, encouraging and supporting me often but have also called me out in truth when needed.  These two are my prayer warriors.  I believe they are this way because they THEMSELVES have weathered the storm… many times.

Read these wise, grace-filled words… and take it to heart.

Without further adieu, please welcome… DAVID GOODWIN.

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I don’t talk about it.  With anyone.  Ever.

That’s mainly because I don’t think I want the consequences I think will come from talking about it. But I don’t know if those consequences are real or imagined.  It’s not as though no-one knows, and a large percentage of people I meet assume what I’m about to say anyway, despite the factual evidence to the contrary.

However…

For most of my life, I was gay.

Or rather, I believed the lie that I was gay and nothing could be done about it.

That’s the first time I’ve ever written those words.

And I’m not making a song and dance about it (maybe I should…using “Single Ladies“ and the cast of Glee), but it’s a large part of my life testimony that’s essentially been torn out of the story book.

Until now.

Don’t misunderstand me, this is my past, not my future.  My former self, not my current self.  Who I was, not who I am.

While I was gay…

• I didn’t fully embrace the lifestyle, though I had opportunity…and wanted to.
• I didn’t cut off from my Christian family, though I moved far from them, partly for fear of rejection.
• I didn’t leave church physically, though I did emotionally and spiritually.
• I didn’t stop being a Christian.  Sin doesn’t revoke salvation.

What I did do was allow spiritual oppression to come upon me.  That’s OK.  We all do that from time to time.

It’s not right, but it’s OK. (thanks Whitney…)

Wait.  Isn’t homosexuality genetic? Well, despite this video clearly explaining from 1m40s onward that the Greeks invented gayness (ironic comedy people), the consensus on homosexuality is as clear as the science on evolution, but I’m not here to debate.

I’m just filling in some lifestory gaps.

I’ve always been camp. It’s who I was, who I still am, there’s nothing wrong with that. But for years, I let the lifestyle the world stereotypically associates with male sensitivity/creativity/propensity-to-break-out-in-Broadway-musicals-in-supermarkets override my God-given destiny.

And I knew something was wrong.  That’s why I never went all in.  The Holy Spirit within me kept nudging.  Only I didn’t know what to do about it.  I didn’t have the knowledge I needed to understand this condition wasn’t “just the way it is”.

So I accepted a lie. A miserable, debauched lie. satan was having his way with me.

But God, in His grace and mercy, set people across my path who opened my eyes to battles taking place in the spiritual realm affecting our physical lives.  All gleaned from Scripture, but I’d never seen it before.  It all made sense.

How could I have been so blind?

(Yeah, dumb question in hindsight. satan’s aim is to find ways of blindfolding us from the Light. he’s good at it)

Armed with new knowledge (and fresh revelation of past experiences…like the time I was protected by a visible angel…another story…), I went into battle. With help from friends new and old, satan lost yet another fight.  He didn’t go down quietly – he never does – but that’s why the weapons God gives us for warfare are strong and mighty for breaking down strongholds.

The mind-games satan played on me involved stereotypes. he uses these seemingly innocuous casts to convince us that you can’t break the mold.

So he tries all sorts of crap…

• you can’t be a straight man and understand the difference between stilettos and pumps.
• you can’t desire a woman and be interested in why she prefers Napoleon Perdis over M.A.C.
• and you can’t be a heterosexual male and not only understand what these books are saying, but also how to implement the advice therein for the greater good.

Except you can, and even though society is more accepting of the concept that being metrosexual and heterosexual can be mutually inclusive, what society accepts doesn’t matter.

It’s all about God.  And I don’t want it any other way.  He’s jealous, He loves me, and I love Him. I’m choosing the destiny He’s mapped out for me, often against the will of my flesh. Even though I don’t have the same battles as my former self, life presents new conflicts of will.  In every instance, I want to be sure I choose Life over life.

After this battle was won He was able to set me on an entirely unexpected path.  One where I’d meet my wife.  Via the internet. And travel the world. And emigrate. And break into song in supermarkets together.

But much of that part of the story has been documented.  With video.  And fluorescent swirls on my shirt. I look hawt.