This past weekend, Brian and I had the privilege of going back to La Grande and celebrating his Grandpa Bob’s 89th birthday.
Here’s a picture of Morgan Lake & the Grande Ronde Valley taken right above where his parents house.
Just about everyone was there. All his kids, most of his grandkids and great-grandkids. We all ate, hiked, laughed, chatted and just soaked in the time we had together.
At one point, I was sitting at the dining room table in a pretty deep conversation with my amazing Mom-in-law, Aunt-in-law & Cousin-in-law (Nevermind the “in-law” title. They’re more family than I’ve ever hoped or dreamed of) and looked over to see Grandma Peggy rubbing her sons’ feet… then her daughters’. In that moment, I realized I was sitting in the midst of grace.
Maybe it’s just me, but it was completely foreign to me for the matriarch of the family to be serving her children still. LITERALLY rubbing their feet. That would NEVER have happened in the family I grew up in. Grandma Peggy’s love for them didn’t stop once they were potty-trained or moved out of the house. Her love continued into adulthood. A simple act of servanthood to express that her children will forever have her heart.
For a minute, I mourned.
I mourned the loss of something I never had. Something I WISHED I had. I want to pass that down to my children, but how do I do that when I haven’t ever experienced it.
Then the Lord gently reminded me:
It will no longer be said to you, “Forsaken,”
Nor to your land will it any longer be said, “Desolate”;
But you will be called, “My delight is in her,”
And your land, “Married”;
For the LORD delights in you,
And to Him your land will be married.
And as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride,
So your God will rejoice over you.
~ Isaiah 62:4-5b ~
I heard God whisper sweetly into my heart (as only He can):
“The generational sins of your mother do not define you, Jenni. I do. Now look in front of you and live the life I have set out for you.”
THIS IS MY SECOND CHANCE! This is where I learn to do it right. For my kids. For my husband. For me.
I get a new name. I’ve had a new name for quite some time now. Not because of anything I’ve done… but because of WHO GOD IS. Because God DELIGHTS in me.
In my marriage, I have a new family. One who will teach those who are ready and hungry to learn. And that, I am.
I am not desolate.
I am not forsaken.
I am not deso-saken.
Not anymore.
I belong. Not only to Someone, but to the #ClayvilleClan (yes, I just hashtagged that)… just as God has always planned for me.
When I am 89, I look forward to looking around and seeing my family gathered around me… with ME rubbing THEIR feet. I will delight in my children… and my children’s children.
I may not remember every day, but today, I know:
I am rejoiced over…
mmmmm! so timely for my heart as i’m headed “home” this weekend, to a family that has left me feeling desolate and forsaken. thank you for the reminder that God has made me His. that He delights in me and rejoices over me. my heart need to cling to that truth always, but especially right now.
oh – and you can rub my feet any time you want!
you know you have my prayers over this weekend. He goes before you. don’t forget that.
and i’ll rub you feet. move here. wha?
I am so happy that you have found comfort and grace with in my family. That is the way it should be. Thank God for loving family filled with grace.
It is a huge blessing to know that we are accepted and loved by God but it is a huge bonus to see his love manifested in human form in our family.
Love You!
thanks for keeping me around, hot stuff! i would have missed out on so much if our story turned out differently.
thank you for writing this. i needed to hear this today. my heart was too heavy and needed a timely word and you encouraged me so much.
“The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” zeph 3:17
Amen, Patricia!
I love knowing I’m not learning about all this stuff alone. Thanks for journeying with me.
btw…im a certified massage therapist. if ever i visit you someday, i’d love to teach you some techniques (ofcourse then you’d have to charge your husband,kids, grandkids every time you massage them) coz their feet will be in feet-heaven.
I am convinced that not only were you and I separated at birth at times but so were our husband’s families.
But, Jason’s grandma watches our daughter (and won’t accept money) while we work instead of rubbing feet. She’s 80. She doesn’t have to do it but she does so willingly and happily.
I feel like my in-law’s are more my family than my own… in fact I often call my brother in law my brother. They’re not just the in-laws.
They were the ones who helped us with our wedding. Who threw my college graduation party. Jason’s mom hosted my baby shower.
As you often say, family is not defined by shared DNA, but by love.
Thank you for reminding me how blessed I am to have Jason and by extension his amazing family who more or less adopted me when I was 18.
YAY for family!!! my friend, Cathi, calls the in-laws “mother-in-love”. i believe i shall be adopting that!
Ooh, I like. Kind of kicks down the negative connotations of mother in law. I really think I have a better, more open and honest relationship with her than with my own mother.
We should work on a campaign to get the greeting card industry to change it from in-law to in-love just for us.
agreed!!!
Thank you for sharing this today. Family is something you can be born into, but I’ve learned that it can also be something that God creates around you.
As I have struggled with my own mom, and now due to recent events, my mum-in-law as well I am finding it hard to get back to that place of letting down my guard and just being… family. However in the midst of that God has blessed me with am amazing family within my church. A family that reminds me that I am still loved, still cherished, and missed when I’m not there.
True family comes through God, and it seems that it can happen anywhere – as long as we are willing to be vulnerable and open to it.
absolutely, jennifer!
sometimes, i wonder if God gives us community just so we know how to better live with our family. whichever way… i know my mother is still in the midst of her journey just like the rest of us. i’m just sad that she’s missing out on so much joy, grace and love. i look forward to the day her relationship with me will be completely restored… even if it won’t happen till we’re in Heaven.
I so love that you chose the life He lays out before you. There is a saying, “Forgiveness is giving up the hope of a better past.”
You’re doing that. You’re letting go of what you should have had… Giving up trying to claim a better past that can’t exist… And embracing the life God has set for you.
I’m proud of you, sister.
And I need a foot rub.
as soon as i can get to you… i will DEFINITELY give you a foot rub! love you!
What a beautiful post.