All the boys in the neighborhood have at least ONE Bionicle. Chance had none.
I have to be honest… it’s a really cool toy for a boy his age. I told him that once he raised enough in his allowance, he could buy it himself. So he’s been working really hard and raising his funds. He’s had the right amount for over 2 months now, but we just haven’t gone out to get it yet.
One day, last week, our sweet neighbor boy (who also happens to be a good friend of Chance’s) left a part of his Bionicle toy outside (yes, they come in pieces… they are lego afterall). Unbeknownst to me, Chance decided to bring it inside to play with it.
This in itself isn’t bad. But wait…
So, neighbor boy comes to the door and asks, “Have you seen my Bionicle part? I left it outside and it’s not there anymore.” Chance walks outside and proceeds to tell him a long, detailed story about seeing someone pick it up and take it.
The next morning, I see him playing with a toy I had never seen before. As I watch, it all clicked.
I ask about the toy. He gets quiet. I ask more specific questions:
Me: “Is this a Bionicle part?”
Chance: “Mmmhmm.”
M: “Do you have a Bionicle?”
C: “No.”
M: “Does this belong to (insert neighbors name)?”
C: “He left it outside!”
M: “Yes, I know… did you take it?”
C: “I was just holding it for him, Mom!”
M: “Then, why didn’t you give it back when he came over and asked about it yesterday?”
C: *quiet* then tears.
This was the first time Chance had done anything like this. Chance knew he had messed up. He had taken something that didn’t belong to him, then lied about it for an extended period of time. He was devastated. I was devastated. Not only for him… but for what all this meant. It hit me. Sin nature affects my beautiful children as well.
This triggered so many thoughts within me.
“If this were me when I was little, my mom would be screaming and beating me right now!”
“What’s the right thing to do?”
“Should we just leave it outside and have them find it again?”
“I can’t just glaze over this.”
“This is a teaching moment. I hate teaching moments.”
“Chance needs to be disciplined.”
“But I also took something that didn’t belong to me and lied about it.”
“OMW… He got this from me.”
I had to leave him in a time-out so I could go upstairs to pray and cry. How do I discipline my child for something I’ve also done?
Remorse. Sadness. Disappointment. Conviction. Humility. Guilt.
Then God whispered His love in my ear: “One of those are not from me, sweet girl.” GUILT.
I got up (4 minute time out for a 4 year old), wiped away my tears, went downstairs, put Chance in my lap:
Me: “Honey, you chose to do a very bad thing. You took something that didn’t belong to you. That’s called stealing… and that makes God, Mommy and Daddy sad. But we can fix it. Do you want to fix it?”
C: *nodded through his tear-filled eyes*
M: “Me too. We need to go next door and return this toy. You need to apologize. And mommy will be there with you the whole time. Are you ready to do this?”
C: *nodded again. then wrapped his arms around my neck.*
M: “Baby… we all mess up sometimes. We all choose the wrong thing to do. And that’s ok as long as we learn from that and don’t do it again. You know Mommy loves you right?”
C: *Quiet* (So, I take his face to mine and ask him…)
M: “Does Mommy love you?”
C: *nods* “Yes.”
M: “You can never do ANYTHING that would make me not love you.”
And there it was.
No matter how much guilt triggered my life, today, I am different. In this moment, I was reminded of what God has been telling me this past year:
“You can never do ANYTHING that would make ME not love you. In fact, I sent my Only Son to die for you so that we could be together forever, I love you that much. Stand up and go make it right.”
A couple days ago, Brian and I took Chance to finally buy his very own Bionicle.
This is a 4 year-old’s version of grace, forgiveness and restoration.
This is one of the best posts you’ve written, Jenni.
wow. thanks, jason!
unfortunately like your son, getting caught can do it to me. Its crazy that you can continue to do something wrong, live in a lie, and even hurt others as long as you do not get caught. But as soon as you get caught its game over and you play the repentance card. What I am working on now is not hiding but being open. What motivates me now is integrity and that what I say stands up to what I do.
isn’t that like most of us?
what’s interesting in Chance is watching how this sin affected him in the 12 hours he was living in the lie. it didn’t really click till later, but that was part of the “clicking” that happened the next day for me. he just wasn’t himself. this is the first of many things he’ll have to experience for himself.
kyle, i love who you are today… and even more who you’re becoming. it’s a privilege to watch that unfold in real life time.
I really appreciate that. Glad to be able to call you a friend.
absolutely! i’m so glad we’re friends
Jenni this was such a beautiful post (I know I say that a lot but I really mean it). You know the part I love the best. The fact that the Father called you “sweet girl” in the moment you most needed to hear a tender word. I love how the Father loves. I don’t have my head wrapped around it especially as it relates to me but I love the image you have created here. Thank you for sharing these words. They warmed my heart today. Luv you girl!
you know what’s interesting? i haven’t heard Him call me “sweet girl” or anything endearing till this last year. i know He’s been saying it… i just haven’t heard it.
makes me kinda wonder how much more i’m not hearing… or letting myself hear.
uhm. i have a bucket load of bionicles that my almost 10 year old does now play with anymore. does he mind hand-me-downs?
um. YES!!! please!!!
Good post, Jenni. Very thoughtful and well articulated. Christ is an awesome Savior and giver of many good gifts… including Bionicles.
amen, brothah! and holla to the bionicles!
Beautiful post. The only thing I would say is that Chance did not learn to steal from you. Be free from that. He believed a lie the one who tempts — And you, my dear, have now armed him with ammunition against further attacks. Well done.
thank you, nats-a-roo!
i know Chance didn’t learn to steal from me. it’s part of sin nature. i get that. it was just a thought that went through my head at that time. welcome to my head.
Yep, I get that too. One of my fears is that my children will walk the same sin paths that I did. That’s no journey I wish for anyone. Totally get your brain. Oh, if you could get into mine, we’d be in for a treat!
I think you learned as much from this as Chance did. Not a coincidence, I bet.
Thank you for this post from someone who also doesn’t want to parent like her mother did. Thank you for taking us through your thought process.
And there’s something to be said for the fact you’ve learned not just from your own mistakes but from the mistakes of others. You and Chance are better people now for this situation, I think, even if it was hard and hurtful going through it.
kris, i think my life will be full of triggers. as Chance and Paxton grow and hit those lifemarks that traumatized or hurt me as i was growing up, i will re-live those moments. i’m okay with that. it forces me to grow. to move beyond where i am now.
i’m thankful for that.
Do you think it will help with the process of forgiveness as well?
And it’s interesting that you post today about guilt triggers because I was just thinking about guilt last night… but, I should write my own blog post about it.
I hope that when I go through similar moments with Lyla I think back to this post and handle them the way you have here. I really admire this.
A lot of things trigger my guilt. Like how I’m so dismissive of my kids. That I yell. A lot. That I’m mean to them. That half the time, I just. can’t. be. bothered.
I’m looking into these and praying about them all the time. There may be reasons I’m doing it… reactions to the past… depression… the fact that our house is too small for us all to fit comfortably… or it could just be me being overwhelmingly selfish and spiritually immature.
I’m so proud of you for behaving the way you did with Chance. Because I know I totally wouldn’t have handed it the way you did.
yes. but you have 3 times the amount of kids i have. i’m not sure i’d be so patient with 6 either.
i’m glad you’re praying through these issues though. at least you’re open to what problems could be. that means you’re 10 steps ahead of the game. i don’t always react the right way with my kids… but i will always go to them an apologize. i have to do that a lot.
Honey,
You are a great mom. Thanks for taking your time with Chance and really helping him process. It would be so easy to instantly jump to judgment and frustration with him instead. It is so hard to watch the sin nature lead our little boy to do something so devious. Yet it is so refreshing to know that Christ has overcome all sin for us and we just need to be faithful in teaching our children these things.
I am proud of you for how you are raising our boys. God knew who I needed to be my partner in parenting. Love You.
i love you, babe!
there is absolutely NO ONE i’d rather be parenting our kids with. thank you for being my rock!
it is scary how easily lying and/or stealing can be. even how easily i can go to there is scary. you are doing such an amazing job at leading your kids and showing them that there’s grace on the other side of sin.
thank you, my sweet friend.
i just so desperately want them to understand grace and that it’s for them too. i don’t want them to grow up scared of everything like i was.
jenni, this left me in tears. thanks for sharing. perfect timing.
praying for your timing. love to you, friend!
perfect picture of love.
you did good, jen. SO GOOD!
i love that God spoke to chance, through you, and to you- so lovingly – as well.
i love Grace.
God is working me over like a 3 year old with playdoh. i kinda like it, kinda don’t. i’m hoping i do more “good” than “bad” with my kids. i love having examples like you to follow.
in other news… when we have/get a little girl, i want to name her Grace.
Chance = chance/luck
Pax = peace (in latin)
Grace = well… you know what grace means
holla holla!
that made me a little teary.
so beautiful, friend.
just had to leave a comment and see if this gravatar thing really works…p.s.-i loved seeing your asain face today. I want to see you again soon. Thursday- berry picking with us? Let me know!!!
yahhhh it worked!
yay! oh how i love you, rose!
and i love YOU!
Being with you & Chance as all this unfolded was a real privilege : to witness a part of parenthood that’s so tough handled so beautifully.
Grace, but not grace without consequence. The grace of the Bible shown right before my eyes.
And. I miss you all.
miss you. seriously. i cleaned your room. you can come home now.
oh… and how weird that it WASN’T weird to discipline my child in front of you. think about THAT!!!
I did think about that briefly, and realised it was just a normal thing to happen. THAT’S weird.
I love this. Your extending grace to Chance just like Brian and God extended grace to you. How often we choose the path Chance did, how much more often God swoops us up with arms full of grace.
I love this story. Love how you handled it. Love how you learned too. Love how God spoke to you through it.
You are an amazing mom
funny children…
Another lesson in humility and God’s grace & love. How are we so worthy of these gifts?? I guess I’ll never find all those answers while on this Earth, but the lessons along the way are just grander & grander. As I write this Tenth Ave North’s new song “Healing Begins” is playing. Go figure!
I think God takes me back sometimes to remind me. Of the chaos I created. Of the guilt & shame I didn’t feel for so long. We numb ourselves in different ways. Addiction. Sex. Food. But, we will always be POTSC. Always. And 3rd & 4th & 5th chances. “To infinity & beyond!!!”.
Kids are so darn perceptive. There is very little they don’t pick up on. Somehow. And store it until WE need another lesson!! Kinda funny how God does that, huh? Your heart in this lesson touches mine, too. When can we get together again. Just us girls!! Let’s do lunch.