Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken

The first time my friend, Cindy, guest-posted over here was two years ago in 2009.

All this means is we were friends for longer than that because I don’t just have anyone post here. I trusted her. I believed her words were worth reading. I knew everything she had to say could only add to any readers life. The only thing that was “strange” was Cindy and I had never met in real life. You see, our friendship had grown over sharing our lives with each other in the blogosphere and emails.

That changed in May of this year (2011). We finally got to give each other one of the most epic hugs while we were in Nashville, Tennessee. She was every bit what I expected her to be… but more. More beautiful. More gracious. More funny. More taller. No joke. It took two to three of my little Asian steps to match her one tall German goddess strides.

She’s amazing.

And one of the most amazing things she’s done is write the book below.

I was fortunate enough to get an early copy to review. It’s probably because Brian and I were interviewed by Cindy and featured in a small portion of this book. I don’t know why I get invited to do cool stuff like this, but I’ll humbly accept.

In “Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken“, Cindy brings us back to the day her husband, Chris, came home and confessed his unfaithfulness. Not one, but many. And within the many, one was pregnant. Cindy’s life would never be the same. Cindy doesn’t candy coat her story with Christianese or out of context bible verses, but articulately ushers us into her living room to reveal the greatest loves story of all, God’s redemptive love in the lives of the broken.

Cindy is raw but elegant in her honesty and graciously wise in describing her experience. Here are a few of my favorite excepts:

“If you are battling something, if you find that you are sinning the same areas over and over again, chances are that you believe a lie about who God says you are.”

“So many people don’t deal with their grief adequately. They stuff it down and try to be strong for everyone else, thinking they aren’t allowed to feel sadness or they don’t have time to step away from routine to truly grieve. But I can tell you with full confidence that even when people are depending on you, even when life has to go on you must keep moving forward, there has to be time for grieving.”

“When people go through situations that rock their worlds, that destroy their trust and even their hope in mankind, they want to fix whatever is broken – fast. Unfortunately, trust isn’t a destination we reach; it’s a path we walk. Every single day.”

“When we compare our sin with the sins of others, we turn our standard into a moving target.”

“Take time to examine your heart. It’s amazing – we long to have our significant other know us intimately and truly, and yet many of us have not done the work to uncover our true selves and needs.”

Cindy’s book is FULL of grace, conviction and truth. I have already recommended this book to many people going thru similar experiences of infidelity and will continue to for as long as infidelity happens.

If you have survived, are surviving or fear having to survive infidelity in your marriage, this book is a MUST READ. In fact, I’d even got so far to say that if you’ve ever had your trust broken or felt deceived by ANYONE, not even necessarily in infidelity, this book applies to you.

And I believe this so much, I’m actually giving away one free copy away to one of you (or you can CLICK HERE and just buy it… but play my game anyway, k?).

If you’d like a free copy of Cindy Beall’s “Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken”, all you need to do is comment below. I want to get to know you so enter by telling me what your favorite word is and why. I’ll randomly pick a winner by this Friday.

I’ll start:

“Restored” – because that is what I am. I love it so much, it’s tattooed on the inside of my left wrist as a reminder to myself. Being “restored ” is being seasoned, loved, invested in, better than new and having more character.

Your turn. And good luck!

57 Responses to “Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken”

  1. Cindy Beall August 10, 2011 at 7:01 am #

    You are a dear. Need to hug you again.

    I’m not entering to win a copy of my book (duh) but I want to play the game.

    I love words and have many faves. One of them is tumultuous. For no other reason than I like the way it sounds.

    I’ll keep going.

    My least favorite word…the word I hate the most at this time in my life is wriggle.

    Just say wiggle. They are practically the same meaning.

    • jenni August 10, 2011 at 8:18 am #

      i definitely would not be offended if you stopped by for a hug!!!

      i don’t think i’ve heard “wriggle” for a long time, but “tumultuous” is a winner for SURE!

  2. Jay August 10, 2011 at 7:22 am #

    Favorite word:

    PANTS

    Just say it; a couple of times. You’ll laugh. I love that word.

    Btw, I’ve heard Cindy and Chris interviewed a couple of times. I’m so thankful for them.

    • jenni August 10, 2011 at 8:19 am #

      jay, i’m pretty sure i say “pants” regularly. i add it to every word and it adds character.

  3. Melissa August 10, 2011 at 9:58 am #

    FORGIVEN – Praise God! Cause I mess up a whole bunch and I am so thankful that I get to start fresh again and again.

  4. Laura August 10, 2011 at 11:43 am #

    Serendipity. Because it sounds as happy and unexpected as it is!

    • jenni August 10, 2011 at 12:19 pm #

      i love this word, laura.

  5. Ashley August 10, 2011 at 11:48 am #

    Grace. None of us deserve what we’ve been given!

  6. lane August 10, 2011 at 11:48 am #

    grace-bc it is overflowing and really it’s what has helped our marriage stand back up again.

    • jenni August 10, 2011 at 12:20 pm #

      so thankful for grace and second chances, lane!

  7. Bethany Shambre August 10, 2011 at 12:17 pm #

    Trust – because God is teaching me trust Him as He walks me through the painful betrayal of my husband of 13 years. As he moves on to a life with another married woman and I move on to living redeemed, forgiven and loved by God Almighty! I am in awe of how I was led to this website. God is good and continues to lead me as I continue to learn to trust Him on this journey of life!
    In Him,
    Bethany

    • jenni August 10, 2011 at 12:21 pm #

      “TRUST” is so difficult, bethany. i think i trust others more than i trust myself at times… and maybe in those times, that’s appropriate. you MUST read this book. you ARE redeemed, forgiven AND loved by our God and others.

    • Cindy Beall August 10, 2011 at 12:58 pm #

      Bethany – Praying for you as you embark on a new life. I am completely confident that God’s blessings await you!

  8. Kirsten August 10, 2011 at 12:29 pm #

    I’ve got two words:
    Discombobulate and Dichotomy
    Why, both are so fun to say, and they both say so much more and to me sound a little like what they mean. Besides, saying either fast is a great tounge twister!

    • Cindy Beall August 10, 2011 at 12:58 pm #

      OOOOO, I love discombobulate.

      • jenni August 10, 2011 at 7:42 pm #

        me too! mostly because that’s how i feel most of the time.

  9. Robin August 10, 2011 at 12:36 pm #

    “FAITH”
    Because when I had been heart broken/betrayed so bad.
    “FAITH”(my confidence in God) was all I had to hold on to, to get me though, a pain that I didn’t understand.

    • jenni August 10, 2011 at 7:45 pm #

      this is my life journey, robin. as my best friend, mikey, says to me… “you have a lot of faith and a little faith all at the same time.”

  10. Susan August 10, 2011 at 12:41 pm #

    The first word that came into my mind was “Grace” because of God’s unending, undeserved grace toward me.

  11. Cindy Beall August 10, 2011 at 12:58 pm #

    Bethany – Praying for you as you embark on a new life. I am completely confident that God’s blessings await you!

  12. heather August 10, 2011 at 1:53 pm #

    Trying – because each day I am trying

    • jenni August 10, 2011 at 7:46 pm #

      me too, heather. always trying!

  13. Aubrie August 10, 2011 at 3:09 pm #

    Hey Jenni! I stumbled across your blog through a friend’s link (I can’t remember if I commented already…yeah. I’m crazy) Anyways, I didn’t realize you were from Paseo. I was an intern with Casas last summer. Sad we didn’t get to meet at church! Anyways, I am enjoying reading and learning from your writings. My favorite word was really hard to choose, but I’ll go with “unconditional.” The fact that our God is slow to anger and loves us unconditionally…amazes me.

    • jenni August 10, 2011 at 7:47 pm #

      aubrie! we just missed each other! we didn’t move here till February… you should come back and visit!

      i still don’t fully understand “unconditional” but i am starting to feel it more and more :) great word!

  14. Melissa August 10, 2011 at 5:32 pm #

    I would love to read this book!!! I have been reading both your blogs for a while and I think the comment that really hit home with me was:

    “When people go through situations that rock their worlds, that destroy their trust and even their hope in mankind, they want to fix whatever is broken – fast. Unfortunately, trust isn’t a destination we reach; it’s a path we walk. Every single day.”

    Thank you!

    • jenni August 10, 2011 at 7:48 pm #

      that cindy is pretty darn brilliant! :)

  15. Sara August 10, 2011 at 7:40 pm #

    Jenni,

    I emailed you a couple of weeks ago about my situation. God is doing a work in my marriage and I believe my prodigal husband will come home soon!

    I have so many words that have deep meaning to me, but I an going to post a funny favorite that I am always trying to get my two year old son to say. It makes me laugh just thinking about it:

    Rigamarole.
    ;)

    Thanks for being real and raw!

    • jenni August 10, 2011 at 7:49 pm #

      yes, sara! this is such great news! i haven’t stopped praying for you since i received your email. you got my response, right?

      you really NEED to read this book. you will find SO much for your heart in these pages, my sweet friend.

      and yes, rigamarole makes me giggle!

  16. Melissa August 10, 2011 at 10:25 pm #

    JUBILEE is my favorite word. It sounds joyful, like a celebration. And a whole year of universal pardon is just cool. Almost as cool as grace, but that word was already taken! :)

    • jenni August 10, 2011 at 11:30 pm #

      jubilee makes me think of candy. mmm…

  17. Brittany Hanson August 11, 2011 at 6:35 am #

    Purified- Not only do I like purified water, but I love that when I give my self to god fully, I am purified in his love. When I repent of my sins my spirit is pure and new.

  18. Ingrid August 11, 2011 at 10:02 pm #

    Hope. It’s been my theme this year and what I both cling to and marvel at on a daily basis.

    • jenni August 12, 2011 at 9:35 am #

      i wish i could say i have hope every day. i usually draw towards the pity party… but i’m working on it :)

  19. Franchesca August 12, 2011 at 6:10 am #

    Jenni I loved your Close Call note this morning. If only I had read your blog before I stepped off the curb into an emotional affair, instead of after the physical fall by my husband. My emotional absence helped his heart to wander and stumble. Nevertheless…again I THANK you for changing my focus from pain to healing. Otherwise, today we would not know how amazing forgiveness is. Still healing and grateful. Love you!

    • jenni August 12, 2011 at 9:37 am #

      i know. i wish i had a blog i could have read back then too… however… who knows if i would have even stopped to listen to that still small voice.

      you have amazing courage, franchesca! i didn’t change anything for you. i just wrote my own junk out. YOU’RE the one who chose to refocus your pain to healing. and that, my friend, is amazing!

  20. Karen August 12, 2011 at 8:48 am #

    My word for this year is “faithful”. It means so many things. It reminds me I need to be faithful, even in the little things. I need to be faithful to my family, to my ministry, to my calling. But most of all, it reminds me that God is so faithful, even when I am not and I am grateful for that. What an amazing, gracious and loving God we serve!

  21. Bonnie August 12, 2011 at 12:23 pm #

    I have to say discombobulate is one of my all time favorite words, but since it’s been used I’ll make one up. Clappy is a good word for me. I like to be happy and when I’m happy I clap, so I like to be Clappy! :)

  22. Christa August 12, 2011 at 8:45 pm #

    esperanza-hope. Without it I would not be here. Thank you for the giveaway and your honesty.

    • jenni August 14, 2011 at 11:43 pm #

      none of us would be here without hope, christa! thank you for your comment!

  23. Jack Kooyman August 23, 2011 at 9:11 am #

    Shalom – It is the rich Hebrew word and concept that, among other things, means peace, harmony, total well-being, and wholeness. It is God’s dream and purpose to restore Shalom to and among all of creation and its creatures.

  24. Milka November 21, 2011 at 7:13 am #

    My word is unbreakable: so many tribulations that I’m going through right now, my divorce, loosing my house,hurting my back at work and worst of all my 18 yr old moving out and being rebelious……after all this I still manage to keep my faith and stay strong.

    • Melissa November 21, 2011 at 7:30 am #

      Many times I want to shove the feelings down deep and just pretend I am okay. I have learned the hard way that burying feelings doesn’t make them go away. It is hard to read some of these comments because my heart breaks for the each of you that are walking through these situations. I still struggle, especially during the holidays.

      God is our Defender. He is the Lifter of our heads. He is faithful. That is what gets me through the hard days, the sad times and the grief that makes my stomach hurt. I am learning to find joy in the small things and pray, pray and pray some more.

      • jenni November 21, 2011 at 8:51 am #

        praying with you, melissa!

    • jenni November 21, 2011 at 8:50 am #

      oh milka… how your heart must hurt over these devastations. i’m just glad you are keeping strong to your faith. that’s a miracle in itself. don’t forget to mourn what’s lost and to be honest with God on the things that move your heartl

  25. Tiegha January 6, 2012 at 4:07 pm #

    Renewed-I like this word right now because for the past year my self esteem was very low and I was depressed about my marriage. I am now renewed with the thoughts of analyzing myself and what makes me happy.

    • jenni January 21, 2012 at 3:26 pm #

      Tiegha… that’s a great word! praying that you remember that every time you don’t feel defeated.

  26. jill frank July 5, 2012 at 4:27 am #

    I was truly lifted in my spirit to know that there are so many women who are confidently standing on the promises of God in spirte of their hurts – this truly comforts me as I’m currently going through hell (seems like it in my marriage caused thru infedility and trust broken over and over).

    I live in SA married for 20 years and never thought my husband would be unfaithful so here I am surviving.

    my word would be be SURVIVOR please send me copy of Cindy’s book

  27. Kimberly Hill June 15, 2013 at 1:36 am #

    I was crushed when my lover of three years left to be with another man. I cried and sobbed every day, until it got so bad that I reached out to the Internet for help. I wasted so much time and effort trying to get him back until I hit on the real thing. And that is you, ultimate spell. You were different from all the rest – you are the diamond in the rough. Thank you from the depths of my soul! I am extremely happy now. I hope God blesses you as much as you have help me to get my Love back, visit him on (ogunamenspiritualtemple@gmail.com) or cell phone number on:+2347069299796 he can be a great help to you all. Kimberly Hill

    • jenni June 25, 2013 at 8:35 pm #

      Thank you, Kimberly. Praying for your continued healing!

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