I. Judge. Everyone.
Seriously… I do. The minute you walk into the room, I will rate you on a scale of one to ten.
I’m quite aware of this most of the time… but right now, I’m sitting at PDX International Airport waiting on a delayed flight sitting next to Chatty Cathy & Rambling Ron. Fortunately, they’ve found each other so I can blog about them in “privacy”. Just kidding. Sort of.
All this got me thinking about all that’s wrong with my thoughts and intentions.
Back to my topic: I judge people.
Not because I’m worried you’re prettier than me.
Not because you may be smarter than me.
Not even because you may have more to offer the world than me.
I am merely judging you on how much I THINK you can hurt me if I let you in.
Life is about relationships. From the shallow “I-sorta-know-you-but-barely-remember-your-name” acquaintance-like relationships to the once in a lifetime DEEP “I-know-what-you’re-thinking-the-moment-I-hear-your-voice” relationship. Whichever way… it’s still a relationship. So, I’m careful about how far I will allow you into my world.
Since my affair, I’ve been WAY more careful about how much and WHO I let into my life. Much of this has been good.
The reality of all this is because I fear being judged. Don’t we all?
In the last year, I’ve invested deeply into a good handful of relationships. Instead of fearing judgment, I’ve INVITED them to judge me. Instead of holding them at arms length, fearing they’ll say something that will hurt my heart, I’ve invited them into my heart, knowing their words MAY tear down parts of my heart, but trusting fully that they will (with the help of our God) rebuild me into who I really was created to be (wow, run-on sentence. whatever).
I can’t stay this way.
Selfish.
Private.
Hiding.
Hurting.
It’s time to rebuild.
I’m going into an weekend with some amazingly wonderful women who I KNOW will “judge” me lovingly and prayerfully rebuild me into who Jenni Clayville was meant to be. It’s time.
Maybe judging isn’t all that bad.
Do YOU judge? More importantly… do you allow yourself to BE judged?
I used to judge all the time until my porn addiction came to light and I felt the unending condemnation and scorn from the “church” and “God’s people.” Then I really stopped judging people and instead more looked toward the actions that they choose to take. I’ll admit I slip up sometimes but if a guy is calling his wife a “fat pig” in public (which I heard recently) it’s probably not too far a stretch to judge them as having issues within their life.
As for allowing myself to be judged…yes and no. I have a few guys that I would let speak plainly into my life but no one that lives physically around me. I guess if Pete Wilson or Blake Bergstrom or Justin Davis sat me down and said I was being an idiot I could be cool with that even though I’m not what you would call “friends” with them…but they are men I respect and know wouldn’t be calling me an idiot without a very good reason. Like me acting like an idiot.
Have a great weekend, Jenni. I hope you come away energized, refreshed and challenged, too.
thanks, jason. today has already been amazing. not sure how it could get better… but that laura always has something crazy up her sleeve.
Much like you I think I judge because I know I am being judged. Why not make yourself feel better by comparing yourself to someone else?
I usually judge more on actions though then appearance.
I am pretty quick to make judgements on who people are based off of their actions and how they interact. Not always bad thing, but a lot of the time it gets me in trouble because I create an image of who I think they are based off of things that I see. A lot of the times it is hard for me to get that image out of my mind even if they do not deserve it.
i’m so fascinated with people. sometimes i just stare. i don’t mean to judge… but i know i am. i just begin to wonder why they are the way they are… then i make up stories in my head of their backstory… but that’s another post for another day.
Yes. And I think so.
I was going to judge you for your run on sentence, but you judged yourself anyway.
My work is done.
Any fun colours at the airport?
If only she can see colors. Then she’d be my date filter. As if she isn’t anyway.
i’m not the one who sees colors. however… i definitely watched people. heehee.
Just seeing if the gift had transferred
Enjoy the rest of the weekend; what an amazing first day!
i wish!
i’ve been judged. and i judge as well.
except that i like to call my judging skills: “discernment” =D (especially when what i guessed about a person was right).
what i notice though, is that the people that i’ve prejudged throughout the years are the same people that God seems to bring into my life and we become really good friends.
so now i know better…when i get the feeling of wanting to judge a person….i make the time and get to know them a lil better. sometimes was discernment is right on but sometimes it’s not….but in knowing them better i realize that most of the people i tend to judge are either 1. crazy just like me or 2. crazy just like everyone else.
correction: sometimes *my* discernment is right on
i like how you’ve named your judging. hahaha.
Love this post (I judge people like crazy as well because I don’t know what will happen if I let them in) and I love hearing about what God is doing in your life!
thanks, rach! i love when you comment
hmm… I do, and I don’t. And that’s not a copout.
There are times when I am quick to judge a person based on an action.
I think, more often than not, I tend to forgive and look past the actions… I’m not perfect, therefore why expect perfection out of others? We all make mistakes. People (generally speaking) have good intentiones.
And that is where I fail to see things that DO cause me hurt and pain in the long run.
That’s not to say I should judge people more… It’s not about judging them as good vs bad, right vs wrong… it’s more of learning how much and what to trust people with, given their current abilities and capacity *as well as* their current limitations and weaknesses.
P.S. On a scale of 1 to 10, what am I?
When you have just met someone? Maybe a 1. (just kidding) :-/
That’s still higher than your score, so I’m OK with that.
negative 17.
you asked. you’re welcome
Allow myself to be judged?! What you talkin bout Jenni? Heck no, people hurt you whether they mean to or not. Unfortunately I do judge and I could try to classify the ways I judge, but that won’t make me any less judgmental.
Ugh, I hate that I judge. And God is dealing with me on that and it is not the most fun I’ve ever had. He’s also dealing with me on the letting people in and that actually is kind of fun.
i hear ya. He’s dealing with me too, sistah!
i’d really encourage you to find a few trusted gals to allow yourself to be “judged” by. the reality is you’re being judged whether you are allowing it or not… so you may as well get judged by people who you know LOVE you.
“I am merely judging you on how much I THINK you can hurt me if I let you in.”
Ouch. Never thought that this might be the reason I spend so much time internally judging. Go on the offensive before you can get hurt by someone. Dang self-protection is an exhausting job.
I know, right? I was reading this and I went “dang. I totally do this, and I’ve never even realised it consciously”.
it is ABSOLUTELY tiring! i’m too tired to do it anymore
Having an autistic son, I’ve learned not to judge the temper tantrums in supermarkets as bad parenting. Lord knows I’ve felt it radiating towards me often enough.
Do I let people judge me? Hm. It depends on the delivery, I guess. If you prefice it with any version of “I say this in love” you will automatically have my back up. If it was truly in love, you wouldn’t need to say so. If in conversation, you gently ask me about something and listen before stating your observtions, that’s going to go over a lot better.
I know that at church if there is an altar call and I really want to go, I tend not to, because I’m the worship leader, and heck, I’d better have it all together. I don’t like the idea that people could see that I need prayer about something. And the idea of coming down off the platform to do it?… It’s awkward, to say the least.
i’ve remember fighting that thought as a leader of the church too. ugh. we have such a double standard.
Wow. Absolutely I judge people. Esp in active addiction. My mind was so numb that I couldn’t think straight (even though it felt like I was thinking straight). It was like my mind took over my mouth & any inhibition I had toward someone. Since getting clean & embracing recovery & life again, I am finding myself so much more tolerant of everyone. I don’t even know why. It’s like God just took that judging thing away from me. I try to “see” things the way I believe God would. I can’t explain it.
There are so many POTSC!!! People in recovery that I have met, that before I would have probably crossed the street to avoid. Scary people. Bikers. “Those” people!! Street people. Now? I don’t see the same thing. I see people just like me. Broken. In various stages of healing. People who may have lost a loved one. How do I want to be treated? With respect. It’s a simple thing I think most people want. Just simple respect. And love. And you don’t always have to like-like the person.
It’s not a perfect world. I’m, for sure, not perfect. But, we all fit into a giant puzzle. We each play our part in fitting those last pieces together. None of us can do it alone. We have to let others in. If just a little.
preach on, sistah!
I’ve been on both sides this year ALOT. In my current living situation, people judge me because of the situation; and when I tell them the WHOLE story, THEY check in or they check out.
I am glad that I come to place now that I am in my (early) forties, that I take everyone’s worth individually. Just like Jesus did. I’m not trying to be holier than thou, please don’t judge me that way, but I marvel that God took prostitutes and tax collectors and turned them into something and meaningful.
I love to people watch and I judge and do that magical 1to 10 scale, but sometimes I wonder what I look like in a crowded airport, are they going to look at my torn jeans, my well worn clogs and pass me over because of that. WOW..
Jenni, I tell my youngest child who has a handicapp and speaks much different.
The people who matter the most in life are the ones YOU invite in…
I need a tax collector or a prostitute in my life…
looks like you’ve thought about this a lot, heidi. love that!
you’re right. the one’s that matter most in life are the ones we invite in. however, i’ve learned that every person that gives me a morsel of advice is worth hearing out. i don’t disregard anything. if it’s in line with God’s truth then God will drill those words into my heart.
i’m more and more surprised at WHO God is speaking to me through and in this process… i’ve found more and more REAL authentic friends.
dang girl – this is good…. I’m also hesitant to let others into my world – very hesitant. But through the years I’ve learned that there’s something magical and healing and mysterious about deep lasting honest friendships – the kind of friendships that know what you’re thinking by the look on your face – the kind of friendships that don’t need explanations for how things get to you… Friends that know. Just know.
I have a few of them in life – sadly most of them are miles and miles away – and even though I’m back in a community of people who know me better than most – they still don’t all know all of me – so there’s catching up to be done.
And I’m doing it – and I’m finding the strength and courage to let myself be known again. It’s interesting how quickly it can happen when we truly commit to sharing the deep things and risking our hearts for others.
Glad you’re doing the same. And I anticipate that this weekend will build such trust and love and faith in your heart. Soak it up, friend. Soak it up.
GLASSES UP!!!
here’s to us, mandy-girl!
may we become the women God always intended us to be by trusting Him in who He chooses to marinate our lives and hearts with.
i love you. more than you know.
this was SO good, jenni! i am grateful for your friendship and the ways you lovingly (and sarcastically) “judge” me. thank you. really.
i love you.
and back at you. i love that i can trust you with my heart because you are not careless.
sometimes, i think to myself, “if they only knew…” but then God whispers a reminder to me: “THEY already do… and THEY don’t care.”
love you.