I don’t know about you… but finding healthy and deep relationships within my same gender has always been difficult.
The truth is I’ve been hurt and I’m afraid of being hurt again. This used to make me run the other directions… but a lot has changed. Running is no longer an option for me.
I posted on the Leading and Loving It site today. Here’s my post:
In my childhood and adolescence, I found myself left out by girls often. I’m sure it was a mixture of being snubbed by the “mean girls” and me just being plain ol’ awkward… I guess it doesn’t really matter the reason… because the truth is I found it much easier to befriend boys.
As I matured, this didn’t change.
Like many of you, it was clear that God called me into ministry… MUSIC ministry, to be exact. A ministry that required one with my outgoing and entertaining (or obnoxious… whatever) personality to be up front. A ministry that was and is still to this day, 85% male led.
Think about it. Your sound guy… your tech team… your drummer… your bass player… your guitarist… your other guitarist… ALL MEN!
I LIVE in a man’s world…
Since I kind of feel like posting over there is like walking into the ladies’ room, I’ll say here…it’s a great post, Jenni. Well written.
HA! Thanks, Jason!
We are cut from the same cloth lady! I am just beginning to feel the void of women in my life. Now is a better time than any so of course I think of one of my best childhood friends, you, and wish we could connect at some point and catch up. I love you!!!
I would love that, Denise. It’s so funny. You and Heather were truly a couple of my closest friends growing up… and I didn’t even know who I really was then. Imagine the fun we could have now! We need to get you here for a visit!
In other news… I just got to see Michelle (Nienaber) Meeks last week at our conference. It’s so fun to see old friends.
Yes I would love to visit you lady, I really admired your spunk and boldness. Now I can’t stop hanging out with ladies just like you!
I’ll text you, Denise! We’ll make it happen!
I couldn’t agree more!! I struggled with this until about 2 years ago. Girls were just mean and as a PW it seemed even more so. Most of my friends growing up were guys. A few years ago God really dealt with me and He showed me how much I needed other women. Then He called me to start a Sisterhood at our church and cultivate that same thing. It was tough, but I grew and no longer have the fear I use to about women! Our Sisterhood is now the most favorite thing I do!
I LOVE hearing this, Toni. So many of us are scared to pursue friendships and sisterhood because we’re so afraid of being hurt again. I think it takes women like you to be the first to take action in this change. Good for you! LOVE IT!!!
I’ve been thinking a lot about friendships with guys recently. A couple weeks ago I let a friend go because his wife thought our relationship was inappropriate. It wasn’t, however, I respect that she wanted him to have those boundaries. But, it was a friendship that I’d had for nearly seven years. Last November I had to end a friendship with a guy who I found out had cheated on his wife once and was looking for that with me. He didn’t take it well when I told him we could no longer communicate but those boundaries are so important!
And I definitely think the relationships I’ve cultivated with women in the past three or four years made it easier to walk away from those friendships with men where the boundaries could not (in reality or the imagination of others) be healthy.
It has been easier for me to friends with women since I became a mom. I finally have something in common with many women I did not have before and since then have really sought those relationships out. Other moms have helped me form a community of women I didn’t know how to create before. And being the mom of a girl, I think it’s important for me to learn how to befriend women so I can model that for my daughter.
But, it’s hard. I struggled with friendships with other girls in middle and high school, even in college when I lived in an all-girls dorm for two years. Being a tomboy as I was (and still am in many ways) who was uncomfortable in her own girl skin I found it hard to relate to girls who were feminine and seemingly (though I bet not as I much as I thought) comfortable in their skin as young ladies.
I hope I continue to get better at this as my daughter gets older. It definitely takes intentional effort.