Jenni on Skype: jclayville 
“Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.”
George Washington
I’m not one that has a lot of friends.
I have a LOT of acquaintances… and I like a LOT of people… and I’d hope a lot of people like me back, but I can’t say I have a lot of close, intimate friends.
I used to have none. I didn’t trust anyone. But that didn’t end up working out so well for me.
Life is different now. I’ve surrounded myself with a good handful of people I trust completely. I know this “handful” of people will call me out when I need it. I know without a shadow of a doubt that this “handful” will question me unashamedly if there is even a hint of question-worthiness. They are not afraid of asking the difficult questions. There is no such thing as “none-of-my-business” with my crew.
And that’s how I like it.
But best of all… they pray for me. I know they are praying for me before I even know I need it. They are talking to our God about specific needs for me before I even ask them to. They are (as one of them likes to put it) “THROWING DOWN” spiritual coverage for me, for Brian, and for my family.
“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.”
Henri Nouwen
This last week was a really spiritually overwhelming week. Brian and I just feel like there is some SERIOUS spiritual warfare going on around our family right now. Nothing bad has happened. We have just seen and experienced heightened spiritual activity. It’s exciting really.
Anyhoo… Brian emailed some of our friends the night we first felt it. They ALL immediately jumped on the prayer wagon with us. They didn’t just say “I’ll pray for you” and call it good. They checked in after… some even prayed so diligently the received a word/picture/feeling from God to tell us.
They stepped onto the spiritual battle field with us.
Right now, I feel overwhelmingly blessed.
And tomorrow… a couple of our closest friends, David & Diane (who are we kidding… they’re family) are writing a guest post here. Hang tight… cuz it’s gonna be a good one.
I’ve been an idiot for so much of my life, I’m seriously surprised I have any friends at all. But God is good… and I’ll take that till I’m dead.
“You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.”
Laurence J. Peter
Ok. Your turn:
“A friend is… (fill in the blank)”
a friend is someone who laughs with you during the good times, cries with you during the bad times, and kicks your ass during your stupid times.
thankful i have a lot of ass, because it gets kicked regularly. =)
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jenni Reply:
July 19th, 2010 at 11:17 pm
holla! hahaha!
i love that you’re part of our crew. thank you for all you are and mean to me and Brian.
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You are blessed to have such friendships. Clearly, you value that. I am glad.
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jenni Reply:
July 19th, 2010 at 11:37 pm
absolutely! and i’m thankful for you, melinda. you have consistently been my prayer warrior. i’m so blessed that you’re a part of my life!
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I don’t have a ‘fill in the blank’ that would be better than that last quote. It’s perfect.
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jenni Reply:
July 19th, 2010 at 11:39 pm
how about, “a friend is someone who lets you fart on them.”
yeah. i just assigned you that one, serena!
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Serena Woods Reply:
July 20th, 2010 at 12:06 am
haha! okay, okay…
A friend is someone who knows your worst, but sees your best.
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A few years ago someone said to Adam that I “was the most closed off person they had ever met”. At the time I had no idea what they meant. I had lots of “friends”. After stewing on it for a few years, I realised that I kept everyone at arms length. We were friends, even good friends, but I never let them IN. I don’t know why. Probably because since childhood, I’ve had close friends, some for years, and every. single. one. of them turned on me… to trade me in for popularity.
Once I noticed this, and made moves to fix this flaw in myself. Adam and I spoke of it, and ventured into a friendship with a couple at our church. It was great. We were friends for about 18 months and I slowly I made myself more and more open and vulnerable… and they broke my heart. To the point where even my pastor was furious, because it simply made ZERO sense as to why they wuold suddenly turn on me the way they did.
And whoomp. I clammed back up. It’s safer that way. I’m still not completely recovered from the hurt they inflicted upon me.
I have two girlfriends who are very dear to me, but since I can’t get away often (hello, 6 kids and a husband) we don’t get to hang out as much as I would love to. But I know, that if ever I choose to really let them in, they would still love me.
And it petrifies me.
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jenni Reply:
July 19th, 2010 at 11:41 pm
i know how that feels.
i’ve experienced that over and over again. and i probably will again now cuz i’m letting my heart out. but, hiding isn’t an option for me anymore.
i’m praying for you, jen. i know EXACTLY how to pray since i’ve lived it. i pray that you will LITERALLY feel the freedom from that fear that freezes you. you deserve to be loved for ALL of you.
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Josh pretty much summed it up I think.
Thanks for letting us graffiti your place tomorrow; it’s almost as good as being there, if “almost as good” means “not nearly but it’s what we got for the moment”
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jenni Reply:
July 19th, 2010 at 11:42 pm
btw. if your fill in the blank was, “a friend is one who never leaves oregon”, you would have failed miserably.
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David Reply:
July 19th, 2010 at 11:48 pm
and that would be why I couldn’t say that huh
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jenni Reply:
July 19th, 2010 at 11:53 pm
FILL IN THE BLANK, AUSSIE!
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David Reply:
July 19th, 2010 at 11:55 pm
A friend is someone
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jenni Reply:
July 20th, 2010 at 9:01 am
hahahaha!
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David Reply:
July 19th, 2010 at 11:57 pm
wow, what happened there? iPhone commenting fail – haha.
A friend is someone who lets you talk about weird stuff, come to the conclusion you’re even weirder than they imagined, and loves you all the more for it.
Happy now? You suck btw. Kthxbai.
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jenni Reply:
July 20th, 2010 at 9:02 am
happy? i’m not gonna be happy till you and diane are my next door neighbors.
and i know i suck. new news please.
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A friend is someone who will tell you those jeans DO make you look fat, and then go and work out with you so you look better.
The world sees it too – so why would your friend keep you in the dark? A true friend also wouldn’t just stop at that. She’d help you become a better person.
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jenni Reply:
July 19th, 2010 at 11:52 pm
you are that and so much more for me. thank you, mikey, for being more friend than i ever thought i could have or deserve.
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Mikey Reply:
July 19th, 2010 at 11:57 pm
aww… I actually had *you* in mind when I was writing that. You are truthful and honest, but not out of judgment and rather out of love. Thank you for not only being there for me when I need you, but for being there for me in the way a true friend needs to be. You set the bar high. Just one of the many things I love about you.
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I thought I would have a great answer for this. I’m a little perplexed that I’m actually not sure how to finish this phrase because I keep thinking of all the things a friend is not.
I have to contemplate this further now…
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jenni Reply:
July 19th, 2010 at 11:53 pm
i know. difficult homework, right? hence the question.
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Kris H Reply:
July 21st, 2010 at 5:12 pm
Yes. And dude, I’m still thinking about it.
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Me:-). And you too!
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jenni Reply:
July 20th, 2010 at 9:02 am
oh geez, clayville!
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A friend is someone who helps you move.
A real friend is someone who helps you move bodies.
Not that I know that from personal experience or anything.
I think I should end my comment now.
(BTW…you two have been on my mind lately…the spiritual warfare around you must have been the reason. I’ve really been praying for you and will continue to do so.)
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jenni Reply:
July 20th, 2010 at 9:02 am
“move bodies”… hahahha!
jason, seriously… thanks for praying! we appreciate it.
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shellie (baylormum) Reply:
July 21st, 2010 at 12:37 pm
Move bodies?? Am I on the correct post??
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Just so happened across this just now…
“A friend is someone who knows your song and sings it to you when you have forgotten it. Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused.” ~Alan Cohen
(found here (which in itself is beautiful): http://www.alancohen.com/articles/they‘re_playing_your_song.html
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jenni Reply:
July 20th, 2010 at 9:28 am
BEAUTIFUL! I love this, Jen!
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A friend is, above all, trustworthy and full of grace.
I think I’m about the same – A LOT of people I like and a lot of acquaintances, but a very small handfull of people that I have a close friendship with; mostly due to trust. Nobody likes to be lied to, but I feel like I’m ultra-sensitive because of past trust issues (gossip, deception, yada yada). I may joke a lot, but I won’t lie – and, I don’t care what’s in a person’s past, as long as they don’t lie to me.
I wrote a post about grace awhile ago: http://www.billjonline.com/20090619/serious/friendship/grace
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jenni Reply:
July 20th, 2010 at 9:35 am
i love your post.
agree with all of it. lying is such a vicious cycle. most people lie because they don’t want to be outcasted and lose their friends… but when you get caught in that lie, you end up losing what you are most trying to hold on to.
i’m looking forward to our families getting together tonight. i’m gonna see how many lies i can tell you
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Bill Johnson Reply:
July 20th, 2010 at 12:43 pm
“I’m gonna see how many lies I can tell you” – wait. is that a lie?
Looking forward to tonight, and that’s no lie!
This whole sentence is a lie.
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Isolation is a dangerous place for me. I did that during active addiction. I didn’t even realize it. An insane mind goes places (like moving the body-j/k, Jason) that a normal mind doesn’t. It’s because, even though I was isolated, I stopped listening. Not only for God, but my other personality. You know, the one who looked down her nose at addicts when they came to the pharmacy. She was not smart personality. That’s for sure! She acted on her own. Then when it fell down, she had no one to turn to. Except God. I tear up at the thought of God’s grace. I am overwhelmed with God’s grace.
Recovery and a relationship with God are not “me” relationships. They are “we” relationships. I cannot work a program of recovery on my own. The same goes for my relationship with God. I don’t have all the answers. None of us do. It takes action on my part to accomplish these relationships. To surround myself with like-minded people. I no longer want that Lone Ranger mentality.
It is called “the Body” of Christ for a reason. Each of us has a role to play & we fit together like puzzle pieces. Each bringing something to the relationship. And I am no longer alone. Isolated with “addict girl” doing all the talking.
Your spiritual battle last week shows courage in speaking about it & asking for prayer. When you bring those battles into the light the enemy backs off. Prayer warriors come to fight the battle alongside you and gives the enemy even less power! It works. It just works.
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