Our Story (Part One)

In mid-2006, I stepped into an affair. This man… and his wife were couple friends of ours long before the affair began. However, the affair took flight after working deeply in ministry together. The affair lasted two years.

Even though Brian and I had become “glorified roommates”, I knew I still loved him. I obviously didn’t show it with my actions. I knew I never wanted to leave Brian… but I couldn’t believe how quickly and deeply I had fallen for this other man.

Could it be possible that I married the wrong man?

He knew my biggest dreams… my deepest hurts.
He could finish my sentences.
He knew my thoughts just by looking at me.
He pursued me.
He gave me confidence.

This man wasn’t an evil predator that seduced married women for his own gain. We were (inappropriately) BEST FRIENDS. Though he had made that first move, I was the one who hooked him and didn’t let go. Instead of seeking God or going to my husband, I used this other man to fill a very empty hole in my life. And because he was/is just another hurt human being in search for something, we fell deeper.

In the confusion of thinking I was in love with TWO men, the one person I really didn’t love…

… was myself.

As most do, my affair ended. I tried to LIVE with this deep, dark secret. I knew the other man would never say anything. No one would ever know. I thought I could live AND DIE with this secret. I thought I was protecting Brian and Chance by keeping this secret from them, when in reality, I was just trying to protect the very little of myself I had left. I was convinced that if I kept this to myself that I could MAKE this work. I knew if anyone ever found out, I would lose everything. Worst of all, I locked God out of my life.

I lived every day trying to make what I did wrong… right. It was all works based. I said to myself, “I CAN DO THIS!!!” And by some standards, I did. I was FINALLY being a good wife. I was dedicated to Brian… to Chance… to my church. But, I felt myself withdrawing from life.

Paxton was born November of 2008 and I fell into the deepest depression I had ever experienced. I blamed it on post-partum (partially true) but I knew where the root of my personal hell was coming from… and the worst part was, I didn’t allow anyone to come and help bear my burden. Not even Jesus. ESPECIALLY not Jesus.

Fast forward to April of this year. A couple we now consider good friends, Justin & Trish Davis shared their story with us. Long story short, Justin had an affair with Trisha’s best friend. In the pain of it all, they chose to work through it and stay married. I had HEARD about things like this happening but had never PERSONALLY known real people who stayed together after a full-blown affair. The part that stuck with me the most was how much God had restored Justin and Trisha’s relationship with Himself.

This was my hearts biggest desire.

I needed to tell Brian. I knew I could possibly lose everything. Brian could leave me. He could take the kids. I would be left friendless… family-less. My reputation that I had worked so long and hard at would be ruined… and I would deserve every bit of it. This would be the end of me.

I told him anyway.

(… to be continued …)

Mike Mahoney

For the record, my wife and I stayed together after a full-blown affair… mine. It was long, it was hard, and it was painful (and sometimes it still is) but oh, so worth it.

We never would have done it (or had the desire to) without God.

[Reply]

Oct 13, 2009 @ 10:21 am

jenni

mike… never would have known. thank you for sharing, friend.

Oct 13, 2009 @ 10:43 am

tammit

i love you and brian more and more every day!

thank you for this.

mike – praise God!!

Oct 13, 2009 @ 10:44 am

Brian

Jenni,

Thank you for your honesty and courage in sharing this with the World. God has and will continue to honor you in your humility. Through it all I feel God moving us closer together and deepening our love for each other. I love you more every day!

Mike,

I echo what you said, you could not and would not have had the desire to get through something so painful without God’s help and love. He makes all things possible!

Oct 13, 2009 @ 10:53 am

pa3cia

ur story brings healing to my soul. it helps me try to understand the “why’s” of my mother’s affair and helps me to see her in a different light..instead of operating on the “pain” that it caused our family. =] thank you for sharing it.

Oct 13, 2009 @ 11:02 am

misty

Thank you for sharing your story. By sharing you will help others heal and draw near to Jesus.

My husband and I survived after a full blown affair (mine – five years ago) and just celebrated our 11th anniversary. God has restored our relationship completely and our marriage is better than ever!

Oct 13, 2009 @ 12:01 pm

pa3cia – i’m so sorry! i hope you find the peace you’re looking for. i don’t know your mother, but what i CAN tell you is that your mother didn’t do this to hurt you. we are all flawed human beings. maybe you can have an open conversation with your mom about it.

misty – PRAISE GOD!!! it sound like the timing of all that you guys endured is about the same as ours.

tammit – love you too… lots… i miss seeing your face.

Brian – my sweet Brian… you know i couldn’t do this without you. i love you more than words!

Oct 13, 2009 @ 12:51 pm

gitz

so proud of you, jenni and brian. you are a great example for so many.

Oct 13, 2009 @ 2:42 pm

Crystal Renaud

so
proud
of
you.

Oct 13, 2009 @ 11:44 pm

Rindy Walton

Jenni–so proud of u to not only tackle it head on, but to share it with those who need to hear it from an open, honest, and humble perspective.

As the ‘product’ of an affair (my mother’s) and the ‘victim’ of another (my ex’s), I appreciate your honesty.

Praying for u as u continue to move forward. Proud of ya!!

Oct 14, 2009 @ 1:14 am

David

We love you guys!

So happy you’ve chosen the hard, narrow road to recovery. God is truly awesome.

Oct 14, 2009 @ 5:06 am

alece

thank you for this. really.

my story is very similar to yours. and yet very different. my husband decided to leave me after his affair came to light.

i so respect and admire your openness and transparency about your journey. thank you.

Oct 19, 2009 @ 11:02 am

i am blown away by how our story is NOT a rare one. it saddens me, but at the same time, i see how not alone we are.

Oct 19, 2009 @ 11:24 am

hangin’ at jenni’s : Grit and Glory

[...] story is a beautiful picture of grace and redemption—God’s faithful response to our [...]

Nov 13, 2009 @ 11:33 am

Kristina

I just found your site from Refine Us. I am so amazed how God continues to transform even the messiest situations to His glory! Praising Him for your restoration… and the so many others out there in the making!