Jenni Clayville

Brian, my better half, is going to “guest-blog” and write the next two parts of our story:

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When Jenni broke the news to me, I was devastated to say the least.

I went and stayed with my friend, Todd, who had recently been through some hard times of his own. For the next few days, Todd gave me a safe place to talk, pray and have a quiet place to rest.

He listened to my story.
He comforted  me.
He gave me space to process.

In my own reflection, I felt like such a small man.  I had been too weak to confront issues that had obviously been inappropriate.  Why had I not set stronger boundaries… been more protective and jealous?  How could I have not seen this happening with my wife?  After all… this was MY WIFE.

The next few weeks were an emotional roller coaster.  There were days, I totally blamed Jenni and the other man (who was my friend).  ”How could they have done this to me?”   Those days, I just wanted a divorce because I thought it wouldn’t hurt anymore.  However, there were also days where I just celebrated the fact that Jenni had finally been truthful with me.  Though the news was devastating, she ultimately chose to honor me… risking everything by telling me about her affair.

I realized that I had come very close to losing the love of my life.

You see, Jenni grew up in an emotionally abusive home and had a lot of emotional scars that needed to heal.  This didn’t stop at childhood. I have actually witnessed this during the time of our marriage.  My wife had been walking on eggshells for 30 years.  This caused her to build walls around herself for protection.  She was ready for conflict at all times… even if she didn’t need to be.  She NEVER felt safe, protected, or truly loved unconditionally.  I didn’t know how to provide all she needed.  Nor was I capable at that time.

Todd challenged me to stay by her and love her through the process. He reminded me that my boys needed a father AND mother working together to be Godly role models.  That’s when I finally made the decision:

I wanted to make our marriage work.

The work of processing through where I had failed in our marriage looked me straight in the eyes.  What I saw in myself was revealing and uncomfortable.

I rarely ever pursued Jenni.
I avoided anything that felt like conflict with her.
I never attempted heart felt communication with her.
I was not jealous enough as a husband and best friend to seek her full attention.

By not saying anything, I told Jenni she didn’t matter enough to me for me to fight for her.  I didn’t protect her OR cherish her.  Though she was the one who chose to splinter from our marriage vows, I knew I too was responsible for the breakdown of our marriage.

But the more I thought about this three year secret that had just surfaced, the more I realized I wasn’t the only person Jenni had hidden this part of her life from.   For lack of better words, Jenni had lied to many of our close friends and family too.  I asked her if she would go and tell them the truth.

She flipped out…

(… to be continued …)

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Our Story – Part One