Jenni Clayville

I rarely watch television in the morning.  I find that it drags me in and leaves me rendered useless for the rest of the day.  However, this morning I caught some of the 700 Club.  I watched about 10 minutes of it.

It was about a couple who married young, had a couple of kids and after a few years, got a divorce.  They were both unhappy.  During their time apart, they both found God and asked Christ to be their foundation.  They didn’t know this had happened to the other, but they started praying for each other to find a good christian mate.

As God would have it, they began spending time together again.  At first, they still didn’t like each other, but they went to family events together with their kids.  After some time, they started dating again. 

After six long years of being divorced, they remarried and are now in bliss.

I have always invested time and money (I’ve had many counseling sessions… I talk freely about them) into improving myself for the sole purpose of making my marriage last.  For my husband and children to wake up and call me blessed. 

I am a flawed human and my biggest fear is to survive a failed marriage.  My chances are significantly higher because my parents divorced when I was seven, but I know I have the power to change this cycle.

I read this in an article awhile ago.  Let me summarize (and add my own thoughts) for you: 

Your efforts begin a cycle.  Your marriage is either a cycle of intimacy (building each other up) or self-defense (tearing each other down). 

My thoughts:  Women are seeking a non-existent superman, when what’s really in our husbands is an authentic and AMAZING hero, unlike one we’ve ever seen.  But we’re so caught up with them looking a certain way, we end up sabotaging our own happiness.

HomeLife gives us three steps to get our "hero" started:

1.  GET RID OF UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

My thoughts:  Any girl I’ve ever mentored will tell you what I think of "chick flicks."  I hate them.  Seriously.  I call it "GIRL PORN" because it builds up an unrealistic fantasy of what life is supposed to look like.  It’s stupid and will only set you up to fail.

2.  REALIZE YOUR ROLE IN SHAPING YOUR MARITAL RELATIONSHIP

My thoughts:  Proverbs 14:1 – "Every wise woman builds her house, but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands."  I have done this.  I forget my powerful influence in my marriage sometimes.  I can be a drip-drippity leaky faucet.  ANNOYING!!!

3.  MEET HIS NEEDS THRU COMPLETION, ADMIRATION and RESPECT, AND SEXUAL FULFILLMENT 

My thoughts: 

Completion – I can cover Brian’s weaknesses with my gifts.  I can complete him instead of controlling him (insert cheesy Jerry McGuire "You complete me" line here).

Admiration and Respect – Encourage Brian especially in the midst of failure and I’ll bring out a hero.  Criticize him and I squelch all possible qualities he could ever attain.  Your man (as much as he denies it) needs your approval.

Sexual Fulfillment – I don’t want to talk about this here.  That’s AWKWARD since my Mom and Dad read this.

In closing, I’m posting the magazines 5 Questions Every Wife Must Ask Herself on the right.

Men… don’t use this as a weapon against your wife.  I will personally find you and beat you down.  Girls… this is for you.  Cheers to making our marriages a happy and blissful place.