Jenni on Skype: jclayville 
Today’s guest post is by my friend, Sara Frankl, AKA “Gitzengirl” to the twitter/blog world.
Sara is one of the most loving and caring people I know, despite her circumstance. You see… Sara is sick. She’s been diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis and Cushing’s Disease which pretty much means she hurts ALL THE TIME and her immune system is shot. Just stepping outside her front door could mean weeks of being sick for her.
She says she’s “just a girl who used to write for a magazine to make a living…” But I would argue that she’s far from “just a girl”.
“Gitz”, as we lovingly call her, clearly chooses joy every day and helps us realize being homebound doesn’t limit your life… just your location. She teaches me life isn’t about adapting… it’s about living in the present so adaptation isn’t necessary. She reminds me to see the beauty in all my situations.
I have a lot to learn from Sara… and I’m fortunately blessed to call her “friend”.
Without further adieu, I give you… SARA!
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God, being who He is, must always be sought for Himself, never as a means toward something else. -AW Tozer
My friend Susie and I are slightly obsessed with the show Brothers and Sisters. The crazier the family gets, the more we seem to be enthralled… so it was no surprise when she called me one night after the first commercial starting sentences with, “Can you believe…” and “They are insane…” and “How funny was…”
Never at a loss for words, Susie and I rambled on through the commercials and immediately shushed each other when the show came back on. The funny thing was, we didn’t hang up.
And we didn’t even notice that we were sitting in silence on the phone, watching a television show together while not saying a word. Sometimes it’s nice to just “be” with someone… even when distance separates you.
I had an experience the last couple of weeks that took up most of my conscious thoughts. Because I am homebound with a serious illness, healthcare can be tricky and I ran into a medical roadblock that seemed pretty insurmountable. Coming up with a solution proved to be a rollercoaster, and to say that my life was consumed with prayer would be an understatement.
My eyes would open in the morning and I’d be talking to God, asking him to give me the strength to face whatever the day brought for me. Throughout the day I’d thank Him for being faithful and loving me. When my thoughts would return to the situation at hand, I would ask Him to touch the hearts of the medical professionals I needed to help me, and in the next breath would ask Him to touch my heart so I could accept whatever outcome He thought was best for me.
I wanted. I thanked. I wanted. I thanked. I talked. I listened. And then I talked some more. I was so drawn to stay in conversation with Him, but at the same time I was so sick saying what I already knew He heard, and what I already knew He had taken care of. I just didn’t know the outcome yet.
Then I had a moment… sitting in front of the fireplace with my pup… when it felt like that night on the phone with Susie. I had stopped talking, stopped listening, stopped thinking. But I hadn’t hung up. I realized I was being drawn, not to keep talking to Him, but to “be” with Him. To just rest in His presence and know I was ok.
I don’t normally do that. I seem to have a need to fill up the space with God. To actively talk, actively listen, actively praise. But that night I realized I needed Him in the same way I need my best friend. Sometimes I just need to be understood without saying a word, sometimes I need to just not be alone.
If this medical crisis taught me nothing else, it taught me that sometimes prayer has nothing to do with speaking or listening. It’s trusting Him enough to simply rest in His presence.
I found your blog because I followed Sara’s lead and intro from her blog. Sara is one of my role models…someone I want to be like when I “grow up” (never mind that I’m already older than she).
I am currently in the hospital facing my own physical demons and had the sweetest experience last Sat/Sun night, just resting in the arms of Jesus while I trod a shadowed path between life and death. Sometimes all we need is to rest there; to know that HE is there; and that no matter what direction we step into next, HE WILL BE THERE TOO!
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jenni Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 8:42 am
love your comment.
i think it’s amazing how much more the ones who are ill get it than those who are perfectly “fine”. i think we all need to just be more often.
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gitz Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 11:33 am
Hey, Cynthia… I knew you’d get this post.
I just read your letter last night before going to bed and was nodding at every question you had. Everything you are saying is something I have felt. Know this: you are so not alone. I’ll write you soon.
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Sara, dang girl I totally can relate to this. I don’t know if it is because I am single or because I don’t have a great community of friends right now, but I feel such a sense of loneliness. But when I am silent and aware that God is present, suddenly I am full. I don’t have to say anything, and neither does He. It is just being together and trusting that He’s there, is enough.
Thank you for sharing this…
and about Brothers & Sisters…. my really good friend Jennifer lives about 1000 miles away from me now… but we “talk” on the phone during that show every Sunday night.
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gitz Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 11:38 am
You know, Crystal, I always had a good relationship with Him, but it wasn’t until I was isolated like I am now that I feel that intimacy. There are some weeks I’m excited to see my nurse walk through the door simply because she’s the only human, physical contact I am able to have. No matter how many phone calls you get or tweets you send back and forth, there’s nothing that can replacing really “being” with someone. I so get where you’re coming from in the loneliness standpoint. But it’s also taught me to rely solely on Him, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
I hate to think of you lonely, but am so glad you can find a space with Him to not feel alone.
[the above comment could explain why my dog is SO SPOILED. he's the only living creature who is stuck with me day in and day out
]
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oh my fritz-friend, i love your heart so much.
i’ve done that same “didn’t hang up” thing with a friend of mine. through almost an entire season of grey’s anatomy. thank you for helping me connect the dots to the fact that i can do the same thing with God.
i am such a DOer by nature. it’s hard for me to just BE. or to realize i have value and worth simply because i am and not because i do. so i strive and strive and strive. but at the same time, i always feel as though i’m never doing enough in my relationship with God. there is freedom and exhale in remembering i don’t have to do anything. He just wants me.
dang, i learn so much from you. i’m so grateful you’re in my life!
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gitz Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 11:41 am
You and me both, sister! It’s so strange that I was never able to sit down and relax… always on the go… and now my life has me doing the exact opposite. I never felt like I was doing enough, or doing it right, until I had to stop and realize that it wasn’t about me getting it right. It was about Him always getting it right and me not trying so hard. The more I tried, the more I was controlling my relationship with Him. The more I let go and realized He’s in charge, the more comfort I find in spending time with Him.
[love you, doll!]
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Sara what a beautiful post and as usual your post challenges, encourages and inspires me. You are one of my heros and like Cynthia I want to be just like you when I grow up. Your faith is breathtakingly simple and your words here have reminded me that He is the best company I can ever long for and being with Him is all I ever need.
“She teaches me life isn’t about adapting… it’s about living in the present so adaptation isn’t necessary. She reminds me to see the beauty in all my situations.” Jenni this was a perfect description of how Sara lives her life. May I learn the lessons she teaches by the simple way she lives her life.
Thank you both for sharing
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gitz Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 12:33 pm
You’re so kind, Makeda. I think you hit the nail on the head when you talked about living life simply. We tend to get in our heads too much and make things so much more complicated than they are.
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jenni Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 12:37 pm
thanks, makeda…
i love sara. she brings more insight to my life than you’d ever know… and she sends love via USPS
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What a great post. I have to admit that I’m nowhere near where you are. When I get those moments of silence I really have trouble trusting God is there. After all the struggles I’ve had over the last ten years and all the nights of feeling abandoned as one bad thing after another hit me…I just have a hard time trusting He’s there. I have to fight not to just take everything back and do it myself like I did before I was saved. Yeah, I know it’s pathetic but that’s just where I am.
I’ll have to work on that silence. I’m also not much for just “being” around people…my introverted nature allows me to only take so much at once.
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gitz Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 12:36 pm
It is so hard to give up that control, isn’t it? I know for me, there were many years when I thought I was letting go, but really I was just dictating to God what I thought I should let Him handle. But once you can cross that line and it becomes habit to remind yourself in every situation that regardless of the outcome He will make sure you are ok, there’s a peace that you won’t ever want to lose.
But that doesn’t happen overnight. At least it didn’t for me, and I have to be mindful to keep my heart in the right place to stay there. I’ll be praying for you, Jason.
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jenni Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
jason. i love how honest you are here. i think a lot of us are in that same place… but admitting it is the first and most important step.
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I’m always so humbled by how you create these moments of insight! Its so true that there are people we relate to that we can just “be” with, and not have to be talking, or doing anything in particular, but we are still very connected to them in that space and time? What a beautiful thought to allow that most intimate relationship, also work with HIM.
Thanks Jenni, love getting to know more of Gitz’s friends like this!
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gitz Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 12:37 pm
Hey, sweet Vicky!
I have a feeling you would be one of those people that could come into my home and just “be.” I also have the feeling we’d have no problem filling the space with words, either. 
Hope you guys are staying warm today… do you have more snow on the way, too?
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jenni Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
hey vicky… good to “meet” you too!
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I personally know Sara from her hometown AND I just want to say that Sara has taught me more from being behind closed doors THEN I’ve learned being out in the world every day. What a “special” Sara in our world. Sara, I personally pray for your continued way that you touch so many of us in the blog world. I don’t ever miss a day of visiting your site.
Love ya Gitz……..your hometown friend!!!!
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gitz Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
Ruthie! It’s so fun to see you comment.
I hope you know how much you’ve helped me, too. When I think back to that trip to Mayo… all of it was made easier because you were there to help us. Love you.
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I recently “ran into” Jenni via Tam & Brent that I “met” through Matthew Paul Turner.
I, too, am a lonely woman. I recently moved to Central WA with my husband. I have been out of work since Nov ’08. My husband from mid May to Sept 1st. We moved from TX. From our home of 20+ years. From 200,000 people to maybe 5000. I can’t work as a RPh until I transfer my license. That is an expensive venture. Very expensive. So I have a lot of time on my hands right now.
I have this new cyberworld I really knew nothing about. The people whose paths have crossed mine have been such a ridiculous blessing!!
I always hated that exercise where you close your eyes, cross your arms across your chest, and lean back. Praying that the circle people behind me, catch me before I hit the floor. But, since moving, I have gone there in my mind. With God’s arms waiting. They give me a peace I sure didn’t manage on my own. They comfort me when I feel alone. They hold me while God speaks to me. That quiet time between me and God. No one else.
I am in recovery and regularly attend 12 step meetings. The closet being 45 minutes away. I am meeting people. I am able to get out.
I have met some tremendous women there. There are good days and not-so-good days. I’ve had 3 back surgeries with a lot of scar tissue & nerve damage. Parts of my left leg & foot are numb from damage in the late 90′s (not from the surgery, but from the disk material cut into a nerve). I have learned to survive without narcotics. It is by the grace of God. He has been with me. In active addiction when I felt nothing. Nothing.
I think it was Sarah Markley who wrote a post about the “secrets” we share on the real us. It’s cathartic. It broadens my world. People pray with me & for me. People I’ve never met. Why do they care about me? I think that’s a perfect analogy of our relationship with God. We can’t see Him, but He is there with open arms. Just like my tweeps and other internet connections. I don’t see them either, but they are there and that helps the loneliness.
God has given us each other. Not to whine, but to grow stronger. In the number of people I let into my world. It just overwhelms me at times. From coast to coast & around the world. God’s World.
Sorry to be so long. It’s helped me today! I’m “baylormum” on twitter (protected tweets).
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gitz Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 7:45 pm
I’ve known different people in this blog world who, after sharing themselves authentically, find themselves with more confidence to share with others in person as well. I think it’s a beautiful part of the blog/twitter world. A lot of the naysayers just haven’t found the right people… blogs are just like real life, who you surround yourself with directly impacts who you become. I’m so glad you found a refuge in that.
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Thank you for this excellent post. I’ll be teaching a class this Sunday morning. We’re covering a series of spiritual disciplines that can help us grow toward true Christ-centered living. This week, I’m going give them the challenge to “live connected.”
You post is a perfect example of what I’m talking about. I see this as the real-life application of “pray without ceasing” in 1 Thessalonians 5:17. I want to read this to our church people this week. Thanks so much, and I’ll keep you in my prayers.
Thanks to you, to, Jen, for inviting Sara to post here. This is a beautiful blog. Thumbs up.
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gitz Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 7:46 pm
I’d be honored if you thought this post would somehow help in your teaching. Wish I could be in the class to learn right along with everyone else!
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sara, sara, sara…
you never fail to spur me on to better things. i sit here with tears in my eyes. sometimes i am so weary of fighting the physical and the emotional fight and i can’t find words to pray. what a great picture to KNOW that God is here with me at all times. we can sit in silence. it doesn’t have to be awkward.
i look forward to one day being in a room with you and likely filling every second with words!! love ya, girl.
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gitz Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 7:50 pm
I’d love to spend a day with you, girl. And here’s the other thing I do a lot when I’m weary and at a loss for words… not knowing how to pray.
I tell God I’m weary and at a loss for words. Sometimes that’s all I need… just for Him to know, and to know He understands.
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Shellie (baylormum) Reply:
February 6th, 2010 at 6:00 pm
And He is there. He knows our hearts (and our heads). He takes us, broken and hurting. He repairs our hearts and our spirits and makes us new again. Gives us the strength to rise above whatever is before us.
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My eyes are filled with tears reading your heart and thoughts. What an intense intimacy with the Lord that we should all desire every day! I find myself filling my day with prayers and never just “being”…allowing the silence to fill the room where I can truly feel HIS presence! But you have spurred my to work harder to find this, to TRUST in Him completely whether you’re going through difficult times or life is great…we need Him always!!
Thank you Sara for your honest words and thank you Jenni for again allowing someone to share their heart so others can read it here on your blog, without it here, I may never have seen it!
The Lord is faithful in everything, and Sara, I will be praying that the Lord will continue to wrap His arms around you and smother you with His Love, Grace & Mercy!! He has a plan for you, for your life, for your illness, as difficult as it may be to see each day!
Thank you so much for this reminder!
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Thank you, Sarah for the comment and the prayers. Quiet isn’t my first impulse (just ask jenni) but I’m learning how essential it is in relationship with Him.
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Thank you, Sarah for the comment and the prayers. Quiet isn’t my first impulse (just ask jenni) but I’m learning how essential it is in relationship with Him.
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Sara, I am in awe of your healthy outlook on your life – really. I have seen so many people much less ill than you give up all joy in the midst of illness, but not you.
Contrary to your situation, I find myself screaming for solitude in an oft-crowded room. It has become one of my favorite places to converse with God – and like a new bride, He always makes me feel like I’m the most important person and peaceful in the room. Weird, I know, but isn’t it wonderful how He always meets us where we are?
And finally, do you know EVERYONE on the internets?
Girl, you get around! Thanks to Jenni for being such a sweet “post host.”
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gitz Reply:
February 8th, 2010 at 9:25 pm
Isn’t that the most comforting thing? Sometimes I think we can feel most lonely in big crowds of people, but with a real relationship with Him, we’re never alone.
And no, I don’t know everyone on the internet. Just the cool ones
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Jenni Clayville Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 3:45 pm
thanks for dropping by to read
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The Apostle Paul was uncompromising on the truth, but his sensitive side also shows up in his writings. In our busy, self-centred world, we need to remember those who have made a difference in our lives, and when they come to mind, pray for them, and find a way to say ‘thank you.’
Establish and increase your faith carefully choosing the Biblical values against which all of life is judged. Yes, you are human, and you will struggle with situations which demand that you choose between what you want to do and what you ought to do. Walk with God and maintain your integrity, and you will be able to make the right choice every time.
Visit http://simon.weston.over-blog.net/ and may God richly bless you!
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gitz Reply:
February 8th, 2010 at 9:23 pm
I enjoy reading about Paul a lot. The way he celebrated in the midst of confinement is such an example.
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Dropping in from Sara’s …lovely blog by the way
Sara, you said it well…once again. Reminds me of the Winnie the Pooh quote…
Piglet…
Yes, Pooh?
Nothing, I just wanted to be sure of you…
xoxoxo
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gitz Reply:
February 8th, 2010 at 9:19 pm
I feel so crazy blessed that I’m not only sure of Him, but sure of you, friend!
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Jenni Clayville Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 3:45 pm
i love that winnie the pooh quote!
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Sara, again, what a wonderful post. You have no idea how much you inspire me. To just sit in God’s presence seems so simple, yet in the craziness of life and situations it is so hard to do. I find myself so easily distracted with other things, and am constantly surrounded by the demands of my students, family, and work. To take the time to be still, listen to God, and just be in his presence is something I long to strive and achieve. You know that I am quite shy and seem to struggle with coming up with the “right words” to match how I’m feeling or thinking. Knowing that God already knows my thoughts is very reassuring. Thank you for bringing that perspective to me. How I so easily forget. My thoughts and prayers are with you always. Deb
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gitz Reply:
February 8th, 2010 at 9:18 pm
I know what you mean about not having words sometimes… but you’re right, He already knows our hearts. And I’m so glad that we have our friendship and you find words with me
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Thanks so much (to both of you ladies
) for being so authentic…Jenni I have read several of your posts and they are beautiful, Sara, you expressed some of what my heart was struggling with today 
Thank you!
It is SO refreshing (especially living in the “Doing” capital of the world of D.C.) to read someone writing on “Being”… especially as it relates to stepping into the zone of “Presence” and just resting there. Ahhhh….
Thanks for reminding me to just BE today … thanks for sharing your heart
Jenny
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Jenni Clayville Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 3:46 pm
Thanks, Jenny, for stopping by and reading! Isn’t Gitz amazing?
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