Brian’s 35th
Dearest Brian,
Today is your 35th birthday.
As I sit here and think through our last year together, I am again humbled that I still get to be your wife. In the past year, you have found me to be a liar, a coward, an adulteress and a completely broken human being… yet, when even I couldn’t choose myself… you chose me.
Thank you for forgiving me for something unforgivable
Thank you for not throwing my mistakes in my face
Thank you for extending grace when I performed a graceless act
Thank you for loving me when no one else did
Thank you for defending me when I wasn’t worth defending
Thank you for showing me unconditional love when I was so conditional
Thank you for being an AMAZING father to our boys through all of it
Thank you for still choosing me… everyday.
Thank you, baby.
For your birthday… I want nothing more than to take back every mistake I’ve ever made in our marriage. I wish I could remove all the hurt and all the mixed up, messed up memories from the last 3 years…
… but I can’t change the past.
However, I CAN live for today and tomorrow. So… for your birthday…
I’m choosing YOU
I’m loving YOU with every breath in my body
I’m choosing OUR children
I’m praying for YOU
I’m investing in my own physical, mental, emotional & spiritual health
I’m making our house OUR home
I’m giving YOU my firsts… not my scraps
For your 35th birthday, I am planning our future together. A future that leaves my past behind… because it’s only *OUR FUTURE* that matters now. I’m excited for what this year will bring for you… for me… for US. I’m looking forward to many more birthdays and anniversaries… but today… I’m just thankful for YOU.
… and I’m pretty sure I always will be.
Happy 35th Birthday, Brian. May this be your best year ever!
I love you… more than stupid words could ever express. I love you.
Tam’s 39th
This past weekend, we went to down to surprise Tammy for her 39th birthday.
We (Cathi, Mark, Lynse, Kristen, Brent, Brian & I) planned this out a month for this… and this is what happened:
To view Brent’s view of the whole thing, click on this link: Tam’s Surprise
We love you, Tam! I’m so glad you were born 39 years ago… and so blessed to call you friend.
Happy 1st Birthday, Paxton!!!
Today is Paxton’s FIRST birthday.
His first year of life has flown by, but it’s as if he’s ALWAYS been a part of our lives.
Pax has got 6 visible teeth right now — 4 on top and 2 on the bottom. He’s walking EVERYWHERE and can get up the stairs in less than 5 seconds. His talking sounds like gurgling and babbling ALWAYS brings a smile to Brian and my face.
He’s gonna be a big blogger, obviously!
Paxton Joel,
YOU are cherished. You help me look outside myself. You give Mommy hope that I can be a better person… for you, for Chance, for Daddy AND for myself. Your smile melts my heart. Your cry breaks me into a million pieces. All I want to do is make your world right for you. And I know I don’t have that kind of control, so I just hold you… and drink in your presence.
“Pax” means “peace” and you have brought JUST that into our lives. You have no idea the kind of restoration you’ve brought into Mommy & Daddy’s life just by existing. I thank God EVERY DAY for letting me be a part of your life. There is NOTHING you could ever do to make me stop loving you. NOTHING!!! And when I forget to tell you I’m proud of you, or that I love you… I hope you’ll know by my actions that you mean the world to me.
Happy first Birthday, sweet Paxton… my darling peacemaker. You came just in time.
Love Forever and a Day,
Mommy
My thirty-FIRST Birthday
Today, I am 31 years old.
When I was little, I thought 31 was old… like REALLY old.
I thought that by 31 I would DEFINITELY have it all together.
Well… here I am. Too old to be in love with Zac Efron and too young to get a face-lift.
And seeing that I only have one living grandparent left, I think I can safely guess that genetics would say my life is already half over.
But you know what?
… Thirty-ONE is a great number.
It took me 30 years to get to the point of complete honesty with myself.
It took 30 years to fall completely broken on my face.
It took 30 years to realize the walls I had built around me were suffocating me.
It took 30 years to finally set up appropriate boundaries of protection.
It took 30 years to experience what grace really is.
It took 30 years to see that love was real… even for me.
Today is my thirty-FIRST birthday.
My first year to fall in love everyday with my husband.
My first year to love those around me UNCONDITIONALLY.
My first year to extend the grace of God that is for EVERYONE.
My first year living with no hidden secrets.
My first year being 100% available to my children.
My first year being whole.
It’s my FIRST year. My life is only beginning.
God is in the business of restoring lives. This is the first year I’ll fully experience it.
Guess what???
Today’s the first day of the rest of YOUR life too!!!
Chance is FOUR!!!
Dear Chance,
Four years ago, God gave you to Daddy and me. Well… He didn’t GIVE you to us as much as He LOANED you to us. We promised Him we would take care of you the best we knew how till He came back for you. We are SO thankful you are a part of our lives now. I can’t believe how fast four years flies by.
Today, Uncle Kevin came over and had dinner with us. You requested my homemade pizza and a “sparkly” birthday cake (confetti… sprinkles)… so that’s what I did.
You blew out your candles and stuck your fingers in the frosting… MANY TIMES… but it’s ok today, because it’s your birthday.
Chance… you are the sweetest, most curious little boy:
You love to ask questions.
You love to learn.
You are sensitive to those around you and you always want to pray for those who may be hurting. Whenever an ambulance, fire truck or police car rushes by with it’s sirens on, you remind Mommy that we should pray for the people they are rushing to help.
You are quick to forgive Mommy when I make a mistake and hurt your feelings. Thank you!
You light up first thing in the morning when you see Paxton. You ALWAYS hug him and tell him you love him.
You quickly reassure Paxton that, “You’re gonna be ok!” when he cries.
You are Mommy’s best helper.
You love to cook and bake with Mommy.
You love to fix things with your power tools with Daddy.
You love to whisper to Mommy and Daddy, “I love you!”
You remember EVERYTHING… and I MEAN EVERYTHING!
You’re growing up WAY faster than I’m ok with…
You make me so proud, my heart wants to jump out and scream, “THIS IS MY SON!!!”
You help make Mommy a better person.
Chance, we know we won’t be perfect. In fact, we know we’re gonna mess up a lot… but in all our failures, I hope you will see how much we absolutely LOVE you and desire God’s best for you. You are such a precious gift to us. Mommy and Daddy are SO thankful God let us be a part of your life. We are better because of it. Well… at least Mommy is!
Happy Birthday, my sweet, wonderful boy.
——————
2005-Birth:
2006-Year One:
2007-Year Two:
2008-Year Three:
2009-Year Four (this year):
Happy Birthday, Brian!
Today is my husband’s 34th birthday.
I am SO glad he was born 34 years ago. I’m not sure I really remember a life without him. Nor do I want to.
Due to the nature of what I do, I’m usually the one who’s more seen. Brian ends up being a supporting role or usually more like the “key grip”. For the longest time, at Sunset, people didn’t even know WHO Brian was or WHAT Brian looked like. I guess that made sense, but I was always baffled because he was such an important and HUGE part of my life.
Our move to Church! at Bethany has been good, because people actually SEE him and not just me, as the Worship Pastor up front, now.
Well… I’m here to say Brian is MORE than a supporting role or a key grip in my life. He’s been the anchor in my flighty world. Here are TEN reasons why I love him more than life (there are more, but I need to get back to the new baby):
- He’s shown me over and over again what unconditional love really looks like.
- He’s a “hands on” loving father to our children.
- He’s wise beyond his years.
- He’s innovative — always bringing new ways to make our family better and more successful.
- He’s got integrity and is well respected in his industry.
- He IS the HEAD of our household. He prays with me & the kids every night.
- He loves my Mom, Dad and sisters. He loves HIS family too… but the fact that he loves mine is kind of a big deal.
- He is patient and kind… and all the things I would like to be.
- He listens and thinks before he acts… another attribute I’d like to have.
- He reads my blog.
- He’s hot.
- He’s HILARIOUSLY funny, especially to those who know him best.
- He’s authentically real in every aspect of his life.
- He’s clean and tidy – and USUALLY picks up after himself. :)
- He’s the first to defend me whenever and if ever needed.
- He gives me back rubs and foot rubs even though I rarely return the favor.
- He helps me laugh at the ironic things in life.
- He doesn’t make me feel stupid for crying (especially in the past week or so).
- He makes me want to be a better wife and mother.
- He texts back quickly.
Okay… that was more than 10… but I could do this forever… so…
Happy Birthday, Babe! Thank you for seeking God first in all things then turning around to lead our family in His ways. You are the most amazing husband and father! I’m thankful for you and will always be.
I love you, Brian Douglas Clayville!
Chance’s THIRD Birthday
So, Chance’s birthday is September 1st… Labor Day. It truly WAS my labor day.
What rocks is that he’s actually ON the cut off date of everything school, camp, kid-wise here… but what sucks is that all his friends will ALWAYS be out of town the weekend of his birthday.
This year was no different, so we planned his birthday party for the week before.
I know this post is a week late, but… well… I don’t really have any good excuse 
Here are some pictures from that:
Chance may think he has week long birthday celebrations for the rest of his life.
Thanks to all who helped make his third birthday his most memorable… so far
Jenni on Skype: jclayville 
