She’s Dying…
Vicki… Allison’s mother, is dying.
Alli is one of my closest friends… and her mother has ALWAYS been HER best friend. And, quite literally, at any minute, Vicki will be with Jesus. My heart hurts for Alli.
In all this happening so close to me, I keep trying to understand how she’s feeling…
… but I can’t.
I wish I could… but I just can’t. It feels as if I almost have an emotional barrier up that I can’t tear down because I don’t have the right tools.
I mean, I cry for Alli because I SEE she’s hurting and I pray for their family because I know they are devastated. They want MANY more years with Vicki… but won’t have it. But hurting FOR her is very different than feeling and understanding it for MYSELF.
My mother and I have never been close. I’m quite certain my mother never really wanted children… but she got us, so she did the best she could, which unfortunately, wasn’t all that great. I can’t speak for my sisters… but there’s a piece of love that I don’t understand or FEEL. I know HOW to love (to the best of my ability). I mean… I LOVE my husband and I LOVE my sons… but I don’t know how to RECEIVE love.
Part of me believes if I allow myself to receive love, then I’ll owe that person something I don’t want to give up later. Another part believes I’m not worthy of said love. And finally… the majority of me just doesn’t know how to accept it. Quite literally… I don’t know what to do with it once I’ve been handed a piece of someone’s heart. Weird? Yeah, I know.
Vicki OBVIOUSLY was and is an amazing mother and person. I remember a few years back, I “won” something from Jay (Alli’s husband) and as part of the gift, Vicki baked me some goods. She was sick, and REALLY didn’t need to bake me anything, but she did… out of love.
I want to be like Vicki.
I want to leave an incomparable legacy with Chance and Paxton.
I want my grandchildren to cherish my words to them.
I want to LOVE like Vicki…
… but more importantly… I want to BE loved like Vicki.
However, right now, I’m not allowing anyone to REALLY do that. Not even God. And without love… I’m dying.
I know I can be healed though. I know… and I also know, that very soon… Vicki’s body will be healed. Not her physical body… but the body that gets to live eternally with Jesus. An unbroken, unhurting, PERFECT body.
Please pray with me for the Whipps’ Family and everyone who’s connected to them.
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UPDATE: I got the word tonight, Friday, February 12th, that Vicki has gone to be with Jesus. Her pain is gone… but Alli’s isn’t. Please continue praying for the Whipps’ Family.
Scott Resnick: Beloved Friend, Husband & Father
Today was one of the most devastating days I think I’ve ever experienced.
This is our good friend, Scott Resnick.
He died in a plane accident today. He was flying a small plane to Arizona for a funeral. He experienced some kind of mechanical failure and the wreckage was found a few hours later.
Scott is survived by his wife, Holly, one of my closest dearest friends, and her 4 children, Kiel, Reilly, Ireland & Kelton.
Here’s a photo of them from our annual family beach vacation we were on just a little under a month ago:
Here we are, racing down the beach together (well… Brian & Scott were racing. I was screaming and taking pictures):
I can’t even find the words to express my feelings right now. Words seem cheap. I wish you could read my heart.
My heart is heavy for my dear friend, Holly and her kids. Brian will miss Scott. Scott and Brian were JUST hanging out the other day working on our Volvo together. Holly’s life will never be the same.
Please pray. Where-ever you are in the world… PRAY fervently… passionately… constantly. Pray for peace to envelope Holly and her kids. Pray for all family and friends involved. Pray for God’s glory to shine… even in this.
Jenni on Skype: jclayville 
