I just saw some previews for our episode tonight.
You can view one of our online exclusives:
And the tv trailers:
Here’s one…
And the other one that we share with Audrey & Bob…
Just watching myself in these previews already makes me uncomfortable in my own skin. But I’m trusting God to do what He wants with our story.
OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network), channel 256, 9/8pm central.
… sorta.
Brian and I were asked to share our story of infidelity back in September of 2010 on for the show “Unfaithful” which happens to run on the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) on channel 256.
We were surprised when we were asked to share. Then, we were hesitant. We asked a million questions… our story is very public, but television is a whole ‘nother level of public… and we don’t have any control of how they edit or re-tell our words. A million thoughts plagued me.
I don’t want other people getting hurt.
My words could get twisted.
The world is going to call me an adulterous whore.
What if I say the wrong thing?
Oh my word! It’s Oprah’s network!
But it takes more than counseling and wishful thinking to heal a marriage.
I think that was our biggest holdback. Our story is about MORE than just my affair… it’s about my whole life as I’ve lived it. It’s about the dysfunction of my heart and mind that poisoned my marriage and God’s hand in healing us despite all of it. Though we are HUGE advocates of counseling and coaching… the healing of our marriage was nothing short of a miracle.
GOD healed our marriage. God restored our lives.
Brian and I prayed long and hard about it. And after a week of consideration, Brian said:
“God is all powerful. He can send a message through any medium. Even if they edit out all our mentions of God, He can still speak to the heart of the viewer. We are merely the voice on a platform.”
So we went ahead.
We spent over 20 hours in interview time on the phone. We hashed out our stories and re-hashed them again. They wanted so many details. Details that God had already thankfully blocked from my memory. Even with the blockage, Brian and I re-lived those first days when I confessed my infidelity. We were exhausted. Then, in November, they came out to our home in Portland and filmed us. They also filmed our therapist (she’s so great!).
Overall… we spent about 35 hours to help make this segment without compensation of any kind. Every person who shared their story on this series did so voluntarily.
Our prayer in our participation was to help those who might find themselves in the same place we once were to hear this:
You are NOT alone.
You are NOT unlovable.
You can be restored to an even better you.
God is in the business of miracles.
Jesus has already paid for your mistakes.
I think we’re the season finale. I say “I think” because I’m not sure I have any idea what’s going on. We were originally told by our producer that our episode, the season finale, would also be running on the 11th, but the schedule on the OWN website says we’re on next Monday the 18th at 9pm and re-running on Monday the 25th at 10pm.
So, tune in if you’d like. If you know someone going through the wreckage of infidelity… tell them about it too. And pray. Pray with us that more good will be done because of our segment… in this whole series. For hope to be planted in the hearts of the hopeless. And for every word we say to point to Jesus.
And for Oprah… for hosting a forum for such a taboo subject.
A few posts ago, I asked what you wanted me to write about and you guys gave me some GREAT topics. So, I decided to go with my friend, Crystal’s, request first:
write about life as a missionary and the challenges and joys that come with it… as well as the life of redemption God is currently walking you through. what are you learning? what is God showing you to work on (cause we all know none of us have arrived yet).
I never thought I’d be a missionary. If I’m completely honest… I thought coming out after my affair would take me out of ministry permanently mostly because I was always taught sinners don’t have a place on the platform. Good thing that’s not true.
In fact, God not only restored Brian and my marriage but He’s currently redeeming our faith journey.
Being missionaries has been fulfilling and at the same time, absolutely alienating. We are in a foreign land. El Paso is in Texas, but we can LITERALLY see Mexico from where we are. Everyone here speaks Spanish. Everyone but us. I feel like I’m standing in the gap between “I know my purpose” and “what have I gotten myself into?”.
As surrounded and as embraced as we are by Paseo… we still don’t feel like we fit in. I still think this move was the best thing for our family unit. We’ve gotten to test the core of our family a bit in all this, and I can’t say I’m disappointed. I’m just saying following God’s call isn’t easy. However…
Community is happening here. Ministry is happening here.
In fact, Brian just left to go play poker at a nearby bar/restaurant. He goes, because there are regulars there. He goes because we’ve decided to be a PART of the community here… not call them to gather around us. Brian goes because two weeks ago, he got to share our story with a man there who isn’t churched. And in that conversation, that man asked Brian to meet with him regularly to talk about life… as it’s really lived. So Brian goes.
Our next door neighbor is going through a divorce. A divorce that is not his first choice. His Mom was just here for a month so she could watch his 4 year-old, Kristian, while he was on duty. He’s in the military so he’s gone days at a time. His estranged wife, who is abusive in ways that are unspeakable, agreed to sign divorce papers and hand over custody of Kristian if he would pay her a small amount (yes, she basically sold her child to him). He’s hurting. His little boy is hurting. So Chance and Paxton play with him. I share my wireless internet access with them.
I sat at their kitchen table talking to his Mom for two hours two weeks ago. I just listened. To the hurting heart of a mother for her beloved son and grandson. Of the grief over the dissipating dreams of having a relationship with her only daughter-in-law. Pain.
As much as I can’t yet say I fit in, I know without a doubt we are called here. We truly love the people and culture of El Paso. I don’t believe we’re called here to be healers or to fix anything. I feel we’re just called to actively BE here and let others know they’re not alone.
So… here we are..
… the whole Clayville Clan…
… with no agenda…
… just standing in the gap…
… till they let Jesus fill it in.
And in the times I’m most homesick for what is most familiar… I remember… not everyone gets to be and do what I’m being and doing. Not everyone takes the challenge to truly live.
A couple of weeks ago, we had baptisms at Paseo.
I FINALLY downloaded my photos so I thought I’d introduce you to a few people and share their stories.
This is Maurice. Seven months ago, he walked onto a construction work site overseen by Rusty, a Paseo member, and asked for a job. Rusty… who is a natural shepherder, took Maurice under his wing as well as introduced him to Steve (our Community Pastor). Maurice immediately saw something amazingly different in his new boss, and in response stayed out of jail, was consistent in showing up for work and soon accepted Jesus into his heart. Maurice has been clean for almost 3 months now and was the first in his family and friends to invite Christ into his life. Steve baptized Maurice.
This is Amorette. And her dad, Vico, got to baptize her. When kids choose baptism, it always gets me. When parents get to baptize them, that gets me even more. I just keep imagining Brian hopefully baptizing our sons one day and I just light up. So often, we put kids in the box of “they’re kids and don’t really know what they’re doing…” but I remember being a kid and I remember knowing SOME things for certain. Just as certain as I am about those things today. This was one of the certainties I knew about at 12. And the reality is life only gets more difficult after this… so please keep Amorette in your prayers.
This is Mara. She’s Greg’s middle child and only daughter. She’s one of the most passionate people I know. And when Mara makes up her mind, very little can happen to steer her decision away. Mara is also good friends with Amorette… so it was really sweet to see two buddies make a decision to be baptized on the same day together… but separately. Seeing Greg & Jill’s face during all this just melted my heart too. We spend a lot of time with the Hunt’s so, watching Mara get baptized is watching a family member publicly declare her life for good.
This is Rosie. Three months ago, she found herself evicted from her apartment and homeless. Nick (our Leadership Resident for Community Engagement) and his roommate, Andy, gave her a couch to crash on so she could get back on her feet. In the process, Rosie began attending Nick’s Paseo Home group and found Christ there. She’s now on her own feet again and has a new best friend in Jesus. Sometimes, it really takes a rock-bottom to see really see Jesus for who He is… our SAVIOR. Nick, of course, got the amazing privilege of baptizing Rosie into our eternal family.
This exactly what Paseo is about.
This is exactly what my heart beats for.
This is EXACTLY why Brian and I uprooted our family, left everything we knew 1,800 miles away and raise our own support to do what we do down here.
Giving hope to the hopeless and changing lives for Christ.
My friend, Mike Foster (along with Jud Wilhite) co-founded the People of the Second Chance movement. He’s helped manifest a safe and grace-filled place for imperfect people. A place where messed up people don’t have to feel as messed up. A place where the unaccepted can feel loved. A place where the sinner can experience grace… sometimes for the first time ever.
A place where someone like me can thrive.
POTSC allows people like me an opportunity to have God re-reveal His purpose in me. We all NEED a second chance. We all need to GIVE a second chance. And we need to BE the second chance.
I’m humbled that I get to call Mike a real friend. And one day, I can only hope that I extend the same amount of grace that I’ve been been shown in what Mike talks about.
POTSC’s Blog: www.potsc.com
Mike’s Twitter: @mikefoster
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We all have set opinions and beliefs about grace and second chances. If you’re like me often culture, church, upbringing, friends and my own prejudices have crafted these beliefs.
One of the most incredible things that I’m personally discovering is that grace is greater than I could ever of imagined. No seriously! It is wilder, radical and mind blowing than most of us think it is. I truly believe all of us are just beginning to touch the tip of the grace iceberg in our lives.
So what has caused this new thinking? Well…I’ve listened to the crazy awesome stories coming through People of the Second Chance. I have had the opportunity to connect firsthand with people and see how grace has revolutionized their lives. I’m pushing myself out of my comfort zone and experimenting more with giving grace.
These things all add up to a much needed recalibration of my point of view. If I had believed in the power of a second chance before, I REALLY believe in its power now. So here are a few simple things I’ve discovered on this recent journey.
1. My ideas about grace are too small. Really waaaaaaayyyy too small. My doubts and fears still cause me to dramatically limit the power of giving a second chance. Grace has been boxed up and bubble wrapped for way too long. It is time for all of us to have more courage and take more risks in exploring grace.
2. A second chance is the greatest gift we can give someone. According to psychologists and researchers, one of the deepest core needs of a human being is a place to belong. Sex, food, water AND belongingness. When we give a second chance we meet this critical need. Judgment pushes people away but grace brings someone close.
3. Real grace makes me seriously uncomfortable. If it is 100%-pure-authentic- no-holds-bar-grace it should knock me out of my comfort zone and cause some serious tension. If it doesn’t do this then it’s probably something different than grace. Radical grace should leave me with questions and confusion…and that’s OK.
4. Grace is a lifestyle, not an idea. We can debate, discuss and preach all we want about second chances but that won’t change a thing. Grace must be unleashed in our day-to-day life. Our real beliefs about grace are carried out in our actions. For the guy who cuts you off in traffic. For the friend that stabbed you in the back. For the lady at work who drives you nuts. That is where second chance living is demonstrated and proved. Grace is a lifestyle choice and must deeply impact how we live and interact with the world.
WHAT IS PEOPLE OF THE SECOND CHANCE? from PEOPLE OF THE SECOND CHANCE on Vimeo.
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Lori Wilhite (the cutie on the left. Tiffany Cooper, on the right is cute too, but she’s not our diva of the day today) is the founder of Leading and Loving It, a ministry that connects, encourages, and equips Pastor’s wives and women in ministry.
We have been friends for over 2 years now… but became close friends about 18 months ago when I watched her and her family not only survive, but rise above an incredibly graceless attack. In response, I saw Lori step up and out of her hurt and extend one of the most gracious and loving second chances to all who were involved.
Through this experience, God somehow connected our hearts and made us soul sisters. It’s one thing to have girlfriends. It’s another thing when God blesses you with high caliber and quality girlfriends like Lori.
Lori & Jud are some of the most generous people Brian and I know. But I mostly love Lori because she laughs at all my jokes. That’s how you become my forever friend.
Lori’s Blog: www.leadingandlovingit.com
Lori’s Twitter: @lori_wilhite
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Here in Vegas, one of our church campuses is inside the Florence McClure Women’s Correctional Center. A few months ago, we had the joy of getting to go worship with those ladies in person. We walked into a room with over 300 inmates in their blue jumpsuits. What we noticed immediately was the absolute joy radiating out of those ladies. They were beaming … smiling from ear to ear.
But, something else was immediately noticeable. Most of those ladies, many in their 20s, 30s and 40s, were missing teeth. Some ladies with two holes in their smiles, others with 4 or 5 gaps.
Apparently, when the inmates have dental problems, if it is cheaper to pull a tooth than to fix it, then that tooth is pulled. It does not matter if it is one of their front teeth or not, it is pulled.
So we looked out across this room of women who without shame of their gap-toothed smiles were beaming with gratitude for how God was moving in their lives.
That is the Smile of the Second Chance.
While most of us are not in prison, we sometimes are trapped in prisons of our own making. We’ve been hit, hurt, dinged and damaged along the way. At times those hurts come from others through criticism or betrayal. At other times, they are self-inflicted wounds that we carry because we feel like we do not live up to expectations or somehow feel like the odd man out. We walk around trying to hide our imperfections and our shortcomings. Yes, we may grin … but we refuse to smile widely revealing the gaps in our teeth.
Jana’s Story from God Behind Bars on Vimeo.
And I wonder if it is time, as people and as leaders, to embrace our Smile of the Second Chance … living joyfully and without abandon in who God made us to be. Knowing that we all have imperfections and shortcomings, and not allowing those to take away from the joy of smiling ear-to-ear.
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