Yes… I’m no longer working at Church! at Bethany.

On Monday afternoon, in a meeting room with Brian, me and our church Treasurer… Matt relieved me of my duties as the Creative Arts & Worship Pastor. He stated the reason as: “different visions” which are somewhat irreconcilable. I guess that will work for now.

Our meeting lasted between 10-15 minutes.

Brian and I were not surprised this happened when we went in. We walked into Church! at Bethany two years ago two VERY different people. And in the past two years, we’ve journeyed a road most people don’t ever need to travel and became two different people… BETTER people. Matt and Church! at Bethany were a key piece to my confession and our healing afterwards… and for that, we will forever be grateful.

We will forever love our church.
We will forever love it’s people.
And we will never stop fighting for it’s people.

Our next step? We don’t know yet… but for now, we’re going to enjoy not having ANY responsibility, be poured into by other churches (we are one body, after all) and hang out with our beloved houseguests, David & Diane. We’re going to rest in God’s grace, trusting He already knows our paths.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~ Jeremiah 29:11

Where do you put YOUR faith?
Your plans or His?

She awoke responsive and could even whisper her own name. However, a few hours later her brain began to bleed resulting in an emergency procedure to relieve inner cranial pressure. On Monday, May 24 she was comatose with brain function of only 3 (normal is 15) and it was uncertain that she would survive.

But she did.

On Tuesday, May 25, Amy was considered in stable condition and brain activity began to increase (between 5-7) but was still in and out of consciousness. Inner-cranial pressure had dropped from high 20s on Sunday night down to 1 on Tuesday night. She is responding through blinking (made direct eye contact with Jonny (her husband) on Tuesday night and on Wednesday morning blinked 5 times in response to “Amy, blink a bunch of times if you want Jonny to buy you lots of diamonds” and 3 times for “I love you”). And she is now breathing on her own 8 out of 18 breaths a minute.

But she’s been unable to move her limbs. A recent MRA is showing some blood in near her brain stem which is hindering motor skill movement.

Amy is only 24 years old and has been married to Jonny for 4 months. She is also an accomplished dancer.

While we are seeing God’s healing touch on Amy, we know she has a long ways to go and any permanent damage is still unknown. We are asking for your prayers for Amy’s complete healing.

More information can be found at www.keepdancingamy.com or by follow her husband’s updates on twitter at @jonnydoubleu

My sweet friend, Nicole has an amazing story. One of adoption, grace, love, brokenness, forgiveness and redemption. I have no idea how she has survived what she has and come as whole as she has. Her existence proves God’s refinement through the fire… however, it also proves her willingness to reflect who God is in ALL circumstances.

She remembered my post about the joys of an invitation from back in January and asked if she could re-post it for Mother’s Day week:

I’m sitting here watching my 4-year-old.

He grabs a little cup from one of the bottom cabinets (we put all the kids dishes where they can reach them so they can help themselves), scurries over to the fridge, fills his cup with water and drinks from it. Then he grabs a couple apple slices I’ve cut for them and runs over to his 1-year-old little brother.

“Here Paxton… want an apple?”

As they both snack, they sit side-by-side and Chance “reads” to Paxton. Then… out of nowhere… Chance says:

“Hey Mom… you wanna come and read with us?”

Read more at Nicole’s place by clicking HERE!

1. Desert Song – Brooke Fraser
2. God of Wonders – Marc Byrd & Steve Hindalong
3. Rain It Down – Carlos Whittaker
4. SPECIAL: Your Hands – JJ Heller
5. My All In All – Dennis Jernigan
6. The Stand – Joel Houston

Mother’s Day is a day of emotions.

For Hallmark, it’s a money maker. Cards talk of Happiness, Pride, Gratefulness, Gladness, Hugs, Thankfulness and all the years of hard work mother’s have put into raising their babies to become amazing adults.

For many others, today marks a day of pain, sorrow, isolation, reluctance, loneliness, sadness, hurt and abandonment.

If you’ve been here awhile you’ll know Brian and I struggled with infertility for half our marriage. With miscarriages outnumbering our current total number of children, Mother’s Day is still a rough day for me. I LOVE my children. I look at every day I have with them as a gift. But I will NEVER forget our babies who are now with Jesus.

Mother’s Day also reminds me of my own non-existent relationship with my own mother. Even before she disowned me due to my biggest mistake ever, I remember struggling on Mother’s Day… wishing for a REAL relationship with my mother. All this to say, “Happy Mother’s Day” isn’t always a happy day.

However… I’m fortunate to say my story doesn’t end here. My mother-in-law, Linda, has not only adopted me into her family as a daughter-in-law, but has invested prayers and unconditional love into my life. In the past year, after I came out about having an affair on her youngest son, she did the opposite of my own blood mother. She dropped her pride, personal agenda and bitterness and chose to embrace me. Even in the simplest choices of this past years’ Birthday and Christmas cards… she’s chose cards that said “To My DAUGHTER” instead of “Daughter-In-Law”.

Today is an ode to my Mother-in-Law… who has shown me what unconditional love means. She’s walked hand-in-hand with me working through life, praying through tears, and celebrating through mile-markers.

I know I’m not the only one with this type of story out there. In our service today, Matt talked about our Dependance on God through life. Rebecca and I sang “Your Hands” in response to the message… for all those who have unanswered prayers, who have pain, are weary, broken, lost, and hurt. We sang that in the midst of all that, we never leave God’s hands.

I’ve decided to include it (direct housemixed recording) to this post:

Your Hands (click to listen).

It’s a beautiful song that speaks volumes to me.

So… what are a few words that would describe how you feel right now?

I can’t stand them.
Even if it flies over everyone elses head.
I hear them.
It’s like a siren in the dead of night.
I know why I am so sensitive to them.
Why I can’t stand them.
Because I lied for so long.
Takes one to know one.
When you lie to me… to them…
… I see myself in you.
I hate that.
Not you. Myself.
The desire to fit in.
The longing to be understood.
Pleading to be loved.
I get it… but lies hurt.
Lies are self-serving.
Lies hurt the ones you’ve been lying to.
Lies hurt the ones that KNOW the ones you’re lying to.
It’s a wave effect.
Once it gets started, you can’t stop it.
You don’t even notice anymore that everyone knows.
Lies hurt people.
But mostly… lies just hurt the liar.

It destroys…
… something you can never get back.

But while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

You don’t have to be a liar.
You can stop.
Life CAN be restored to something better than you ever knew.
Better than anything you’ve ever created for yourself.
Better than anything you could ever dream up.

It’s time.
Are you who you wanna be?

You start out dreaming it. You start out expecting it.

I’m gonna marry Prince Charming!
We’re gonna build a ministry overseas from the ground up.
It’s gonna bless millions for God’s glory.

We all dream these dreams as kids. But the more time we spend on this earth, the quicker our dreams and expectations change. By the time you’re almost twenty years of age, your dreams may get just a smidge smaller.

I’m gonna get out of this place one day.
I’m gonna make it through this beating.
He can’t hold this gun to my head forever!

It’ll get better by the age of 30, right? But then you stare 30 in the face and your dreams sound like this:

He cheated on me and lied.
Did he EVER love me?
All I know is this ministry and life WITH him. How do I ever transition?

Problem: that’s not a dream. That’s reality.

Sometimes the dreams you dreamt as a child are squashed by the reality of… life. The older you get, the once HUGE window of your dreams becoming reality begins to shrink till it’s barely the size of a mousehole. The simple answer of “Have FAITH… God is in control!” seems trite and a lot like another impossible dream.

You try. You muster up the last bit of faith you have…
… but sometimes, our life here won’t end up with a happy ending.

Meet my two friends: Tammy & Alece.

Those dreams listed above were theirs. Both have overcome the most monstrous and impossible hurdles. One is still in the midst of survival mode at times… but BOTH have looked life’s dirty leftovers in the face and said, “You don’t GET to choose where my dreams end up!”

They’ve changed their dreams. They’ve taken their stories and have matched them up with GOD’S story FOR them. Their stories are no longer about them… they’re about God.

Which leads me to “Plan B” by my friend, Pete Wilson. I was gonna write about the release of his book this week… but it’s so much more than a book now.

I’ve watched my friends at CrossPoint step up this past week when their community in Nashville faced the most trying devastation their area has seen in the past 1000 years. I am watching them actually BE the church to their community instead of just TALKING about it. Like Pete says… “There is the direct correlation between crisis and spiritual transformation” and they are IN crisis right now.

For more information of how to help, CLICK HERE.

It’s our chance… to be like Tammy, Alece & CrossPoint. When Plan A isn’t working out and in the midst of crisis, let’s align ourselves with God’s story… where it’s ALL about Him…

… and less about us.