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Second Chances: Cindy Beall

May 26, 2011 in Adultery, Faith, Friends, Guest Bloggers, Marriage, Ministry with 5 Comments

My good friend, Cindy Beall, is one of the most gracious (and funniest) people I know.

What began as me reaching out and grasping for any little bit of hope (and a lot of blog stalking) after the confession of my affair, soon became a real life friendship. I finally got to hug her in real life for the first time two weeks ago in Nashville. We were both at the Leading and Loving It Retreat and what was amazing was when we first saw each other, it was like seeing an old friend again.

This is not Cindy’s first time guest posting over here in my little corner of my internet real estate. She’s posted HERE and HERE before… and this won’t be her last either. Cindy’s book, “Healing You Marriage When Trust Is Broken”, has just been published by Harvest House and will be available soon.

Cindy’s Blog: www.cindybeall.com
Cindy’s Twitter: @cindybeall

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The day my husband, Chris, confessed his unfaithfulness to me will be forever etched in my mind. One doesn’t soon forget that sort of experience. It rocks you. It damages you. It breaks you. It shapes you.

It changes you.

It is my belief that when marital unfaithfulness occurs, one has grounds for divorce. I believe the Scriptures speak to this in Matthew, chapter 5. For some reason God, in His perfect wisdom and revelation, said that the marriage covenant would be broken due to this sin.

I could have left my husband and many, including God, would have understood me doing so. But that didn’t mean I had to. Adultery is grounds for divorce but I believe that it’s also an opportunity for forgiveness, renewal, brokenness and a second chance.

The other day that has been indelibly carved into my mind is the day I decided to trust God to make something beautiful from the mess we got ourselves into. That day I decided to take God at His word when He says that in all things He works for the good of those who love him.

In the process of extending a second chance to my husband, I realized just how much forgiveness had been extended to me. From God. From friends. From family. I came to this conclusion: How in the world can I not give a second chance to someone when I’ve received so many myself?

So I extended that second chance my husband. It wasn’t easy. It was far from comfortable. It took every ounce of my being not to throw it back into his face.

And yet here we are…a little over nine years since “the day”. We are closer and stronger than we have ever been. We are more honest with each other and are truly best friends. These last nine years of our marriage have been so much better than the first nine years. God did all of this through two broken, willing people who simply said, “Our lives are not our own, God. Use them.”

We all need to extend second chances.

Love one another. Show grace. Extend mercy.
Because one day you will need it extended to you.

Second Chances: Lori Wilhite

May 24, 2011 in Faith, Friends, Guest Bloggers, Ministry with 8 Comments

Lori Wilhite (the cutie on the left. Tiffany Cooper, on the right is cute too, but she’s not our diva of the day today) is the founder of Leading and Loving It, a ministry that connects, encourages, and equips Pastor’s wives and women in ministry.

We have been friends for over 2 years now… but became close friends about 18 months ago when I watched her and her family not only survive, but rise above an incredibly graceless attack. In response, I saw Lori step up and out of her hurt and extend one of the most gracious and loving second chances to all who were involved.

Through this experience, God somehow connected our hearts and made us soul sisters. It’s one thing to have girlfriends. It’s another thing when God blesses you with high caliber and quality girlfriends like Lori.

Lori & Jud are some of the most generous people Brian and I know. But I mostly love Lori because she laughs at all my jokes. That’s how you become my forever friend.

Lori’s Blog: w ww.leadingandlovingit.com
Lori’s Twitter: @lori_wilhite

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Here in Vegas, one of our church campuses is inside the Florence McClure Women’s Correctional Center. A few months ago, we had the joy of getting to go worship with those ladies in person. We walked into a room with over 300 inmates in their blue jumpsuits. What we noticed immediately was the absolute joy radiating out of those ladies. They were beaming … smiling from ear to ear.

But, something else was immediately noticeable. Most of those ladies, many in their 20s, 30s and 40s, were missing teeth. Some ladies with two holes in their smiles, others with 4 or 5 gaps.

Apparently, when the inmates have dental problems, if it is cheaper to pull a tooth than to fix it, then that tooth is pulled. It does not matter if it is one of their front teeth or not, it is pulled.

So we looked out across this room of women who without shame of their gap-toothed smiles were beaming with gratitude for how God was moving in their lives.

That is the Smile of the Second Chance.

While most of us are not in prison, we sometimes are trapped in prisons of our own making. We’ve been hit, hurt, dinged and damaged along the way. At times those hurts come from others through criticism or betrayal. At other times, they are self-inflicted wounds that we carry because we feel like we do not live up to expectations or somehow feel like the odd man out. We walk around trying to hide our imperfections and our shortcomings. Yes, we may grin … but we refuse to smile widely revealing the gaps in our teeth.

Jana’s Story from God Behind Bars on Vimeo.

And I wonder if it is time, as people and as leaders, to embrace our Smile of the Second Chance … living joyfully and without abandon in who God made us to be. Knowing that we all have imperfections and shortcomings, and not allowing those to take away from the joy of smiling ear-to-ear.

So … smile widely.

Art on my Bloggity

May 12, 2011 in Blog Swap, Crafts, Design, Friends with 20 Comments

Meet my friend, Kyle Reed.

He is responsible for JenniClayville.com’s makeover.

Kyle ripped this out of his creative soul this week while I was in Nashville. I had to promise him a seat next to me in Heaven to get him to work on it (I’m not sure why he agreed, but don’t tell him I have no say in those decisions)… but after I had sold him my firstborn, birthright and birthmarks, he agreed to get to work.

JUST KIDDING!

He let me keep my firstborn.

Once Kyle got started, I was honestly shocked because every time I looked over my shoulder at him, a new section was done. All I can say is Kyle is worth every single penny I don’t have. In fact, I would say he’s worth every penny YOU have.

If you need some graphic design work or need helping writing code, contact Kyle. He’s fast, creative and really quite easy to work with.

Kyle’s Blog: thoughtsaboutnothing.com
Kyle’s Twitter: @kylereed

I’m hoping my makeover propels me to blog more. Maybe you can help me with that.

Dos Preguntas… that’s “Two Questions” in Spanish:
1. What would you like to see me write about?
2. When’s the last time YOU had a makeover… of any kind?

GO!

Subscribe to our Newsletter

November 10, 2010 in Church Planting, Paseo with 2 Comments

Brian and I just wrote our first newsletter to our combined email list to help keep our friends and family more intimately connected to what’s going on in our lives as we’re transitioning into our new lives in El Paso.

It was a pretty fun project for us to do together.

So why a newsletter? Because it’s more efficient in getting updates out to those who are interested in knowing. We wanted people to be able to subscribe and unsubscribe on their own instead of bogging everyone’s inbox down. However, we’re still in the process of collecting all our email addresses.

CLICK HERE if you didn’t receive the newsletter we just sent out last night and would like to read it.

Also, if you’d like to receive to our updates, you can subscribe yourself via the form in the left column… then unsubscribe yourself when you find us boring. We’re cool with that

Oh… and don’t forget to include your first and last name!

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or for your ease… click on the link below:

Sign up for our free newsletter!

Year 32

September 28, 2010 in Family, Friends, Jenni, Personal Entries with 16 Comments

I turned 32 on Saturday.

I was fortunate enough to have my birthday be celebrated over three days.

Friday: Coffee in the morning with Janet. My annual birthday lunch with Angela & Jilly. Then, I came home to a yummy pot roast dinner made by my amazing hubby, Brian. I usually do the cooking so this was a nice treat. We also took advantage of some ice cream vouchers we had and took the kids to ice cream after dinner.

Jilly made this dessert for us. SOOOOOOO good!

Ang has a birthday clown fetish/tradition. and my face looks huge in this photo. HA!

Ang made this card for me. It makes me laugh every time I see it.

Both Chance’s and Paxton’s faces CRACK ME UP!!!

Saturday: My calendar was mysteriously blocked out for me, telling me I was busy, but not telling what I was busy with. Brian and Mikey had planned for me to be treated to an all afternoon spa day. Mikey and I got massages and mani/pedi’s. Then we went to Todai for all you can eat… and got attacked by a freaky clown.

Sunday: Brian let me sleep in till 11am (which hasn’t happened since high school), then Mikey came over to watch the kids so Brian and I could go out on a date. We got to spend time some face time minus kids. Love my kids… but I need my honey.

And as I look back on how these three days were spent, I realize how very blessed I am.

Friday was filled with long-time friends. The one’s who have shown themselves constant in my inconsistent life. Friends that didn’t give up when I was ready to. Friends that didn’t abandon me when I deserved loneliness. Friends that remind me that I HAVE friends even when I feel completely alone.

Saturday was spent with my Mikey, who is undoubtedly my bestie, though I’ve known her for only a year. Not many find THAT friend you know you can trust your life with in EVERYTHING. It’s weird how she almost always knows what I’m thinking before I even say it and vice versa. She’s proof that girlfriends aren’t just a “good thing” but a VITAL need. Saturday was spent in my “new”… celebrating who I am today after ALL the changes. I like who I am now.

And finally Sunday was spent with the one person I can’t wait to live the next 32 + 32 years with… but I would also willingly die for in a second. Sunday was a large chunk (did I just call Brian a large chunk?) of what I live for.

In three short days, I saw my past, present and future… and I was yet reminded again that God has never failed me, and never will. It’s moments like this that sustain me for the moments I forget.

I’m thankful for 32. SO thankful.

Serena Woods: Black Sheep (Pt 1)

August 24, 2010 in Adultery, Faith, Friends, Guest Bloggers, Life Experience, Marriage, Ministry with 16 Comments

My brave friend, Serena, has written a truly authentic and self-examining post here from the viewpoint of a woman who had an affair, had a baby, got a divorce & married the man she had an affair with.

In my opinion, she’s truly one of the bravest women I know. Her story isn’t wrapped up and tied up with a perfect little ribbon… but she still chooses to share it boldly. She doesn’t place blame. She doesn’t make excuses. She owns all her own decisions – and because of that, God has given her the most amazing platform to speak from.

It’s not what we’ve done in the past… it’s what we do with it now… TODAY.

Serena’s Blog: www.graceisforsinners.com
Serena’s Twitter: @serenawoods

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“… Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, … that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” –Luke 22:31-32 NIV

That’s the first thing God ever used the Bible to say to me. So ominous, but I had no idea what it meant.

I’ve heard so many beautiful stories about marriages that survive an affair. Poignant stories that parallel God’s relationship with His bride. If couples are willing, God uses their pain and heartbreak to feed ‘His lambs’.

I had an affair, but my story is different in the middle. When I had the choice to fight the current or ride it, I rode it. My marriage ended in divorce and I married the man I had an affair with. I had reasons and they made sense to me. I learned something about reasons, though. They’re the path of candy bits on the way to the trap. Candy can get you trapped, but it can’t set you free.

There’s a strong line when people talk about grace. For a lot of people, I’ve crossed it. If you look at my sin, I’m not a good story.

“You can safely assume that you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.” – Anne Lamott

I was raised to run from evil and that meant people who do evil. There was no separation between the two. The deed and the doer were the same and I had a lot of out of context, half-scriptures to back it up. If ‘you know the tree by the fruit’, then you know the person by their sin. I was self-righteous and brutal to people in the name of Jesus.

“Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction.” — Blaise Pascal

I’m not a good story if you look at my sin. But, my story doesn’t end there.

There are numerous scriptures about chaff being separated from the wheat. The wheat is truth and the chaff is truth’s shroud. There is a threshing floor where the shroud is stripped from the truth.

His winnowing fork is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing floor and gather his wheat into the barn, but the chaff he will burn with unquenchable fire.” -Matthew 3:12 ESV

I never saw this in me. I didn’t know I was capable of such disgusting behavior. I had no problem in owning my fault and deserving the pain that comes with sin. I deserved getting disowned by the Christian community. The only problem was, I was still alive. I was told that any attempt I made to be forgiven would be seen as ‘role playing’. I was cut off from the cross. Jesus was heavily guarded by His followers. The shroud covering His truth.

I had a baby, got divorced and remarried in the same year. I thought our love would make it worth it.

I was wrong about a lot of things…

Count on it: The day is coming, raging like a forest fire. All the arrogant people who do evil things will be burned up like stove wood, burned to a crisp, nothing left but scorched earth and ash— a black day. But for you, sunrise! The sun of righteousness will dawn on those who honor my name, healing radiating from its wings. –Malachi 4:1-2 MSG (emphasis mine)

I was naïve about grace back then. I thought that it would cover me. I didn’t realize how much it would change me. Jesus let me feel the dark long enough to separate the false from the truth. The chaff from the wheat. I was ‘sifted as wheat’ and ripped apart on the threshing floor.

Grace is crazy and intrusive. God didn’t save me with judgment. He saved me with love. I learned a lesson about grace. It doesn’t just cover me. It changed me.