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Second Chances: Cindy Beall

May 26, 2011 in Adultery, Faith, Friends, Guest Bloggers, Marriage, Ministry with 5 Comments

My good friend, Cindy Beall, is one of the most gracious (and funniest) people I know.

What began as me reaching out and grasping for any little bit of hope (and a lot of blog stalking) after the confession of my affair, soon became a real life friendship. I finally got to hug her in real life for the first time two weeks ago in Nashville. We were both at the Leading and Loving It Retreat and what was amazing was when we first saw each other, it was like seeing an old friend again.

This is not Cindy’s first time guest posting over here in my little corner of my internet real estate. She’s posted HERE and HERE before… and this won’t be her last either. Cindy’s book, “Healing You Marriage When Trust Is Broken”, has just been published by Harvest House and will be available soon.

Cindy’s Blog: www.cindybeall.com
Cindy’s Twitter: @cindybeall

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The day my husband, Chris, confessed his unfaithfulness to me will be forever etched in my mind. One doesn’t soon forget that sort of experience. It rocks you. It damages you. It breaks you. It shapes you.

It changes you.

It is my belief that when marital unfaithfulness occurs, one has grounds for divorce. I believe the Scriptures speak to this in Matthew, chapter 5. For some reason God, in His perfect wisdom and revelation, said that the marriage covenant would be broken due to this sin.

I could have left my husband and many, including God, would have understood me doing so. But that didn’t mean I had to. Adultery is grounds for divorce but I believe that it’s also an opportunity for forgiveness, renewal, brokenness and a second chance.

The other day that has been indelibly carved into my mind is the day I decided to trust God to make something beautiful from the mess we got ourselves into. That day I decided to take God at His word when He says that in all things He works for the good of those who love him.

In the process of extending a second chance to my husband, I realized just how much forgiveness had been extended to me. From God. From friends. From family. I came to this conclusion: How in the world can I not give a second chance to someone when I’ve received so many myself?

So I extended that second chance my husband. It wasn’t easy. It was far from comfortable. It took every ounce of my being not to throw it back into his face.

And yet here we are…a little over nine years since “the day”. We are closer and stronger than we have ever been. We are more honest with each other and are truly best friends. These last nine years of our marriage have been so much better than the first nine years. God did all of this through two broken, willing people who simply said, “Our lives are not our own, God. Use them.”

We all need to extend second chances.

Love one another. Show grace. Extend mercy.
Because one day you will need it extended to you.

Sara Frankl: Just “BE”

February 5, 2010 in Faith, Friends, Guest Bloggers with 40 Comments

Today’s guest post is by my friend, Sara Frankl, AKA “Gitzengirl” to the twitter/blog world.

Sara is one of the most loving and caring people I know, despite her circumstance. You see… Sara is sick. She’s been diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis and Cushing’s Disease which pretty much means she hurts ALL THE TIME and her immune system is shot. Just stepping outside her front door could mean weeks of being sick for her.

She says she’s “just a girl who used to write for a magazine to make a living…” But I would argue that she’s far from “just a girl”.

“Gitz”, as we lovingly call her, clearly chooses joy every day and helps us realize being homebound doesn’t limit your life… just your location. She teaches me life isn’t about adapting… it’s about living in the present so adaptation isn’t necessary. She reminds me to see the beauty in all my situations.

I have a lot to learn from Sara… and I’m fortunately blessed to call her “friend”.

Without further adieu, I give you… SARA!

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God, being who He is, must always be sought for Himself, never as a means toward something else. -AW Tozer

My friend Susie and I are slightly obsessed with the show Brothers and Sisters. The crazier the family gets, the more we seem to be enthralled… so it was no surprise when she called me one night after the first commercial starting sentences with, “Can you believe…” and “They are insane…” and “How funny was…”

Never at a loss for words, Susie and I rambled on through the commercials and immediately shushed each other when the show came back on. The funny thing was, we didn’t hang up.

And we didn’t even notice that we were sitting in silence on the phone, watching a television show together while not saying a word. Sometimes it’s nice to just “be” with someone… even when distance separates you.

I had an experience the last couple of weeks that took up most of my conscious thoughts. Because I am homebound with a serious illness, healthcare can be tricky and I ran into a medical roadblock that seemed pretty insurmountable. Coming up with a solution proved to be a rollercoaster, and to say that my life was consumed with prayer would be an understatement.

My eyes would open in the morning and I’d be talking to God, asking him to give me the strength to face whatever the day brought for me. Throughout the day I’d thank Him for being faithful and loving me. When my thoughts would return to the situation at hand, I would ask Him to touch the hearts of the medical professionals I needed to help me, and in the next breath would ask Him to touch my heart so I could accept whatever outcome He thought was best for me.

I wanted. I thanked. I wanted. I thanked. I talked. I listened. And then I talked some more. I was so drawn to stay in conversation with Him, but at the same time I was so sick saying what I already knew He heard, and what I already knew He had taken care of. I just didn’t know the outcome yet.

Then I had a moment… sitting in front of the fireplace with my pup… when it felt like that night on the phone with Susie. I had stopped talking, stopped listening, stopped thinking. But I hadn’t hung up. I realized I was being drawn, not to keep talking to Him, but to “be” with Him. To just rest in His presence and know I was ok.

I don’t normally do that. I seem to have a need to fill up the space with God. To actively talk, actively listen, actively praise. But that night I realized I needed Him in the same way I need my best friend. Sometimes I just need to be understood without saying a word, sometimes I need to just not be alone.

If this medical crisis taught me nothing else, it taught me that sometimes prayer has nothing to do with speaking or listening. It’s trusting Him enough to simply rest in His presence.

Desperate Pursuit

November 17, 2009 in Adoption, Faith, Friends, Guest Bloggers, Marriage with 8 Comments

Today, my guest blogger is Nicole Wick.

Nicole is the equivalent of the “triple threat” on Broadway… but in real life. She’s THAT woman that Satan needs to look out for. She WILL unravel his evil plans just by her willingness to be honest, authentic and real in all her experiences… especially the ones that most people hide.

She first got my attention by her adoption story. As I got to know her better, I realized she’s more multi-faceted than anyone I’d ever met in my 31 years. She’s also is a supporting author to XXXChurch.com.

Visit her at her place or follow her on Twitter… but for now, take in the wisdom she brings here.

Nicole – thank you for sharing your heart here. You are an amazing blessing to me!

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The darkest days of our marriage were the first few months after I learned that my husband had committed adultery. I had been well aware of his struggle with pornography but had been made to believe that it was “under control”. Over a year had passed since I had last discovered porn on his computer and I had come to believe that this scary, hurtful part of our marriage was behind us. I had shut out everything that had happened and naively hoped that if I ignored them, the painful memories would go away. We didn’t discuss it and our lives moved on.

When he confessed, or more accurately admitted, that his addiction had not only resurfaced but crossed a new line from virtual to flesh and blood I was devastated. At the time I was six months pregnant with our daughter and between the hormones and the horrible truth of a one night stand sent me into a deep depression. Everything in my life was suddenly muddy and unclear. Everything that I had ever thought about myself, my husband, my marriage, and my relationship with God was turned upside down by five little words:” I went home with someone”.

I never dreamt that I would recover from this. And at the time I seriously doubted that our marriage would survive. But somehow it did.

I could go on forever about all of the miracles that we witnessed in the years following his confession. I could fill this entire page talking about all of the ways that God has reshaped us as we submitted ourselves to His process of recovery, healing, reconciliation, and restoration. I wish I had hours to tell you about all the ways that God revealed his strength, power, character, and truth to us in our weakness. What I will tell you is that the most important thing I learned on this journey is that the magnitude of my faith is inline with the magnitude of my calling when I am in desperate pursuit of Jesus.

I clung to Mark 5 :27-28 each day during this time. It reads;

“When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought “If I just touch his clothes I will be healed”.

I needed to be reminded to desperately pursue the source of my healing and restoration. Even now when I am feeling lost, alone, hopeless or helpless I remind myself that if I press through whatever is crowding me out and can get close enough just to touch the very tip of the hem of his garment He will call me out of the crowd and restore me.

Are you willing to reach out & touch His cloak?

Grace Is For Sinners

November 9, 2009 in Faith, Friends, Guest Bloggers, Ministry, Weblogs with 5 Comments

Serena Woods is the author of Grace Is For Sinners.

Here is a woman who has experienced far more than her allotted portion of life and still stands tall to tell her story. Instead of blaming her circumstances and sitting dormantly bitter, she’s openly chosen AND choosing life.

Serena is a woman of passion, love, grace and forgiveness. She has boldly shared her story and experiences at graceisforsinners.com with all of us so that maybe… JUST maybe OUR stories can turn out less marred.

Thanks Serena, for posting your wisdom here today!

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Remembering who we are is one of the hardest things to do.

The experiences we have in flesh and blood distract us from the experiences that take place in the spirit, the ‘wind hovering over the water’ life.

It’s hard to rip the flesh out of the equation. Needs make us aware of the ability in our hands. Passion makes us aware of the energy in our shapes. Dreams make us aware of the potential in our time. Pain makes us aware of the energy in our tears. Anger makes us sense the power of our fists. We use God like a shovel. We wear God like cheap perfume. We use oils and chants as though God were a genie. Our sense of entitlement thinks God wouldn’t want us to cry. Our so called righteous indignation uses God like brass knuckles.

When will we see that the flesh is separate from the spirit? We have the freedom to move about the world and all of its experiences without being bound to them. Things in this life do not sustain us because their loss cannot break us. We navigate our lives choosing liberation or capture.

It’s not about choosing right for the sake of choosing right. You’re choosing freedom. Not freedom from pain, failure, consequences or punishment. These are all things that have to do with the flesh. Flesh is relative and based on perspective.

Freedom has to do with the spirit. Nothing in the here and now should be used to navigate you. Only distract you. You have a force working against your freedom. An enemy who wants you to feel not only pain, guilt and uncertainty, but also relief, success and security. We are distracted by all of those things. We are tied to all of those things. We are held captive by our flesh in more ways than we know.

The power of the wind. An invisible force gentle enough to make chimes sing. Sturdy enough for birds to rest their wings. Strong enough to put a farmer’s tractor in the trees. The power of the wind hints at a terrifying and awesome invisible made visible by the effects it has on what we can actually see.

Flesh is only a whisper, not an infallible entity. Don’t submit to things that die with passing time. It’ll never be fascinating enough to hold you and it will never be simple enough to make you understand.

“You’re not listening. Let me say it again. Unless a person submits to this original creation—the ‘wind-hovering-over- the-water’ creation, the invisible moving the visible, a baptism into a new life—it’s not possible to enter God’s kingdom. When you look at a baby, it’s just that: a body you can look at and touch. But the person who takes shape within is formed by something you can’t see and touch—the Spirit—and becomes a living spirit.”

~ Jesus, John 3 5-6 MSG

So… who are you?

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oh… P.S. – Serena & I did a blog swap today. Serena is hosting “Affair Week” at GraceIsForSinners.com so make sure you come on over and visit me.

wow… those were definitely words I never thought I’d say.

David Goodwin: Stereotyped?

October 20, 2009 in Faith, Friends, Guest Bloggers, Ministry with 68 Comments

Today’s post was written by my friend, David Goodwin.

David and his wife, Diane, are a part of my LifeGroup Online group. We’ve been meeting for over a year now and I can honestly say that David & Diane are a couple we have not only come to love deeply, but trust fully.

Just like me, David is the Worship Director at his church in Australia and better yet, sang in a barbershop quartet in high school. For those of you who don’t know… I did too.

David and Diane are not fair-weathered friends. They are faithful, constant, loving, merciful, strong, brave, gracious and forgiving. All the things I work towards being more of.

They have stood firmly in God’s word, encouraging and supporting me often but have also called me out in truth when needed. These two are my prayer warriors. I believe they are this way because they THEMSELVES have weathered the storm… many times.

Read these wise, grace-filled words… and take it to heart.

Without further adieu, please welcome… DAVID GOODWIN.

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I don’t talk about it. With anyone. Ever.

That’s mainly because I don’t think I want the consequences I think will come from talking about it. But I don’t know if those consequences are real or imagined. It’s not as though no-one knows, and a large percentage of people I meet assume what I’m about to say anyway, despite the factual evidence to the contrary.

However…

For most of my life, I was gay.

Or rather, I believed the lie that I was gay and nothing could be done about it.

That’s the first time I’ve ever written those words.

And I’m not making a song and dance about it (maybe I should…using “Single Ladies“ and the cast of Glee), but it’s a large part of my life testimony that’s essentially been torn out of the story book.

Until now.

Don’t misunderstand me, this is my past, not my future. My former self, not my current self. Who I was, not who I am.

While I was gay…

I didn’t fully embrace the lifestyle, though I had opportunity…and wanted to.
I didn’t cut off from my Christian family, though I moved far from them, partly for fear of rejection.
I didn’t leave church physically, though I did emotionally and spiritually.
I didn’t stop being a Christian. Sin doesn’t revoke salvation.

What I did do was allow spiritual oppression to come upon me. That’s OK. We all do that from time to time.

It’s not right, but it’s OK. (thanks Whitney…)

Wait. Isn’t homosexuality genetic? Well, despite this video clearly explaining from 1m40s onward that the Greeks invented gayness (ironic comedy people), the consensus on homosexuality is as clear as the science on evolution, but I’m not here to debate.

I’m just filling in some lifestory gaps.

I’ve always been camp. It’s who I was, who I still am, there’s nothing wrong with that. But for years, I let the lifestyle the world stereotypically associates with male sensitivity/creativity/propensity-to-break-out-in-Broadway-musicals-in-supermarkets override my God-given destiny.

And I knew something was wrong. That’s why I never went all in. The Holy Spirit within me kept nudging. Only I didn’t know what to do about it. I didn’t have the knowledge I needed to understand this condition wasn’t “just the way it is”.

So I accepted a lie. A miserable, debauched lie. satan was having his way with me.

But God, in His grace and mercy, set people across my path who opened my eyes to battles taking place in the spiritual realm affecting our physical lives. All gleaned from Scripture, but I’d never seen it before. It all made sense.

How could I have been so blind?

(Yeah, dumb question in hindsight. satan’s aim is to find ways of blindfolding us from the Light. he’s good at it)

Armed with new knowledge (and fresh revelation of past experiences…like the time I was protected by a visible angel…another story…), I went into battle. With help from friends new and old, satan lost yet another fight. He didn’t go down quietly – he never does – but that’s why the weapons God gives us for warfare are strong and mighty for breaking down strongholds.

The mind-games satan played on me involved stereotypes. he uses these seemingly innocuous casts to convince us that you can’t break the mold.

So he tries all sorts of crap…

you can’t be a straight man and understand the difference between stilettos and pumps.
you can’t desire a woman and be interested in why she prefers Napoleon Perdis over M.A.C.
and you can’t be a heterosexual male and not only understand what these books are saying, but also how to implement the advice therein for the greater good.

Except you can, and even though society is more accepting of the concept that being metrosexual and heterosexual can be mutually inclusive, what society accepts doesn’t matter.

It’s all about God. And I don’t want it any other way. He’s jealous, He loves me, and I love Him. I’m choosing the destiny He’s mapped out for me, often against the will of my flesh. Even though I don’t have the same battles as my former self, life presents new conflicts of will. In every instance, I want to be sure I choose Life over life.

After this battle was won He was able to set me on an entirely unexpected path. One where I’d meet my wife. Via the internet. And travel the world. And emigrate. And break into song in supermarkets together.

But much of that part of the story has been documented. With video. And fluorescent swirls on my shirt. I look hawt.

TheWorstBlogger(DOT)com

February 27, 2009 in Friends, Ministry, Weblogs, Worship with 4 Comments

I’m not sure when I became “cool enough” to be allowed “say” anything on someone else piece of internet real estate, but apparently I AM!!!

My graduation to “cool enough” must have happened somewhere between me picking my nose and doing my 5th load of laundry in a day.

You can find me on Jason Smithers blogsite at theworstblogger.com today spreading my most genius thoughts.

I’ve been following Jason’s blog for a bit now. I like reading his stuff, probably because I can relate. He’s the worship guy at CedarCreek in Toledo and has continued to worship in spite of what life deals him. This is the life I strive for… to bless HIS name in the good and the bad.

Blah blah blah… enough serious stuff. All this to say: ”GO CHECK OUT HIS BLOG“!!!