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Secrets

September 17, 2009 in Faith, Marriage, Personal Entries with 8 Comments

Brian and I were asked to share our story this coming Sunday at church.

Our story is dirty.
Our story is raw.
Our story is real.
Our story is STILL IN THE PROCESS.

God told us both separately this was where His next step in restoration was for us.
We both listened.
We’re both obeying.
I AM FREAKING OUT!!!

My friend, Crystal, wrote THIS POST today. And in all honesty… THIS is the life I feel I’m living.

I twittered this yesterday:

Zena Wozniak used to say this and it would crack me up. However, when you think deeper into it, this “cute” little kids saying holds a LOT of truth.

I felt (feel?) I needed to be quiet and keep secrets because that’s what my mother taught me as a child, “Don’t ever tell the outside world what’s going on IN the house.” Don’t get me wrong… some family things SHOULD stay just with the family. But what this “secrets” thing did was make me feel totally alone. I ended up creating my own beliefs:

I couldn’t trust anyone.
I couldn’t share my deepest hurts with anyone.
I couldn’t admit when I messed up.
No one really cares about me.
No one is safe… not even Jesus.

This type of thinking is not conducive to a marriage. It breaks a marriage down and makes it into something FAR different than what God intended for us.

My story will reveal this.

However… as we grow… we learn new things. Sometimes, the safest thing you CAN do is share with others. Sometimes the safest place is in the human barricade your community that will surround you. Your family SHOULD be your safe place, but unfortunately, in this sinful world, more times than not, it turns out the family is NOT the safest place.

Speaking of human barricade, our good friend, David, shared this verse with Brian and me last night.

“You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean.” Matthew 23:27

It’s time for some housekeeping. Time to clean out the tomb and get rid of the things that are rotting inside. What Christ offers is LIFE. I don’t need a tomb for any secrets. All my secrets need to be brought to the light for me to experience TRUE freedom in Him.

In my new thinking… this is what I have found:

People CAN be trusted.
I CAN share my deepest hurts with people.
I CAN and NEED to say “I’m sorry”.
People DO care about me.
Brian IS safe… and so is Jesus.

Please pray for Brian and me the next few days leading up to Sunday. Satan is attacking HARD because he knows our obedience to Christ will bring God glory. Literally, the moment we decided we would do as God asked, “it” started to all hit the fan. We’re asking YOU to help be our barricade now. To pray and keep us safe till we’ve followed through with what HE has asked us to accomplish.

We covet your prayers!

“Spontaneous”…

September 7, 2009 in Family, Personal Entries with 20 Comments

… that’s not something Brian and I can really claim to be.

I decided to write a post to help clarify what’s going on in our lives. I had posted a few updates on Facebook & Twitter and got some concerned comments. Sorry they were so vague, but Twitter only allows 140 characters. HA!

I spend most of my life planning ahead so that when those “last minute” needs or changes happen, I can adjust to them better. I wouldn’t say I’m as naturally “spontaneous” as I am “organized”. However, yesterday, after church, I looked over at Brian and saw we needed a break.

There are a million different types of “breaks”, but for us… we just needed a break from our life, our surroundings, our everyday routine.

This last week, we realized a few things were working against us. I’m not gonna list ALL of them, but here are a couple we’d love your prayers over:

(1) Brian realized that what he is doing for income isn’t working. It just isn’t bringing in enough. This is the story for so many of us Americans. It’s a huge added stressor, especially for Brian, since we are pretty careful with how we spend our money. He feels strapped and trapped. He says the only thing that’s keeping him going right now is our family. My hubby needs desperately to feel like he’s in his sweet spot in his career, but that’s not where he’s at right now.

(2) We realized our main support system is no longer in the friends we have always called “friends” in Portland. We’ve had some pretty devastating things happen to us this last year, and in the wake of it all, it seems more have abandoned us than come to our aid. To be fair, we haven’t really asked for help, but it seems the friends who are “rising” to the occasion and checking in consistently are friends who live further away. That’s disappointing but a good realization that at least we’re not TOTALLY alone.

This all brought us to one conclusion.

CHANGE needs to happen.

We don’t know what that change is… we don’t know WHEN this change would take place, but we know SOMETHING needs to change.

We needed to be together as a family but away from the everyday busyness of life. To pray together, to dream together, to get our grounding… together.

So we packed up and left.

SPONTANEOUSLY.

This morning, we woke up in La Grande, Oregon, where Brian’s parents live. We’re seeking God, asking Him to reveal what His desires for us are. We’re asking Him to teach us obedience in His calling, whatever that may be.

Will you pray for us too?

The Good & The Bad of This Week

August 3, 2009 in Chance, Family, Friends, Motherhood, Paxton, Photography, Worship, Worship Confessional with 6 Comments

So, as I said… this past week has been really busy in good and bad ways. I thought I’d just list them to keep it simple.

Good: I came home from a girls weekend from the beach. So nice to be with women who know my junk and still love me in spite of it all.
Bad: As fun as it was, put me behind on housework.
Good: Josh was here last week (he rocks and is SO much fun!)
Good: Went berry picking with Rose, Janet & Abby (and my kids, of course). Haven’t done that since I was a kid.
Bad: Granger Lam, my sweet friend from High School, died at the young age of 30, leaving behind his 5 year old little girl.
Good: Finally met Gregg, Sandy and Dylan Hart (my sweet Twitter friends that MAILED me Thin Mints).
Good: Hiked Multnomah Falls with the Hart’s, Josh & Steph (ok, not Josh & Steph… dorks)
Good: Photo shoot with Josh & Gregg (aka Love Is Greater Photography). Here are 3 samplers from our shoot:

So… seriously… I’m really over having bad news infiltrate my life. I would like for things to even out again. My heart can’t take it. It can’t take:

the brokenness of good friends’ marriages.
the hurt life leaves on those I love.
the hurt those I love leave on me (whether they are aware of it or not).
news another friend has been in another accident.
news another friend died.

That’s all I have brain-room to post about right now. I’m “good & bad”-ed out. Mentally exhausted. I’m gonna go watch a movie with my honey.

Accidental Blogatical

April 4, 2009 in Family, Home, Motherhood, Organization, Personal Entries with 1 Comment

This past week has been somewhat crazy. I’m not sure how it happened since I live my life as planned out as possible, but, my week just got away from me.

Let’s see… what did I do?

Monday: Cleaned the house in the morning. Then, our family went to lunch with the Conforth’s at The Cheesecake Factory. An hour lunch ended up being, like, a three hour extravaganza. At least it was with Mandy and Ross so all was well worth it! Their girls are SOOOOO cute! Then, I came home and cleaned some more.

Tuesday: Took Chance to Pre-School and hung out with Paxton. Then went to Alli’s house for lunch and a playdate. Came home, made dinner then Worship Band Practice! Wow… that day was packed!

Wednesday: Um… I’m not sure what happened that day. It’s all a blur. All I know is I worked on future worship services. I’m past Easter now, but that’s not saying much because back in my “hay-day” I would be almost 5 months out right now on schedule and sets. This is what we get as a part-time Worship Pastor, I guess. Then, I set up our April budget worksheet. Yay, Dave Ramsey! I also dove into the life of coupon websites and clipping. Then, LifeGroup Online.

Thursday: Took Chance to Pre-School and went on an awesome morning walk with Brian with Paxton packed on me. It’s time to get back into shape people. I’m back to my pre-pregnancy weight, but I’m not feeling 100% yet. And I cleaned, did laundry, caught up on all the housework I neglected from Wednesday. Grocery shopping Part ONE at Winco (for bulk items, dry and canned goods).

Friday: Started my day Grocery Shopping Part TWO at Safeway (for all the COUPON’d stuff we could stock up on) and Whole Foods (meats and fresh produce). I saved 53% at Safeway with my clipped coupons. That was RAD!!! Then more laundry. In fact, I did laundry all day. I’m not sure where all this laundry comes from but I’m pretty sure that I deserve a raise as the CEO of my household.

Saturday: That’s today! We’re gonna go for a hike with the whole family. I’ll probably also do Grocery Shopping Part THREE at QFC cuz they have a buy one get one free sale!

See… boring, right? But I’ve been super busy. I should be back into normal blog life this next week.

How has YOUR week been? I’ve been outta touch!