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Second Chances: Lori Wilhite

May 24, 2011 in Faith, Friends, Guest Bloggers, Ministry with 8 Comments

Lori Wilhite (the cutie on the left. Tiffany Cooper, on the right is cute too, but she’s not our diva of the day today) is the founder of Leading and Loving It, a ministry that connects, encourages, and equips Pastor’s wives and women in ministry.

We have been friends for over 2 years now… but became close friends about 18 months ago when I watched her and her family not only survive, but rise above an incredibly graceless attack. In response, I saw Lori step up and out of her hurt and extend one of the most gracious and loving second chances to all who were involved.

Through this experience, God somehow connected our hearts and made us soul sisters. It’s one thing to have girlfriends. It’s another thing when God blesses you with high caliber and quality girlfriends like Lori.

Lori & Jud are some of the most generous people Brian and I know. But I mostly love Lori because she laughs at all my jokes. That’s how you become my forever friend.

Lori’s Blog: w ww.leadingandlovingit.com
Lori’s Twitter: @lori_wilhite

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Here in Vegas, one of our church campuses is inside the Florence McClure Women’s Correctional Center. A few months ago, we had the joy of getting to go worship with those ladies in person. We walked into a room with over 300 inmates in their blue jumpsuits. What we noticed immediately was the absolute joy radiating out of those ladies. They were beaming … smiling from ear to ear.

But, something else was immediately noticeable. Most of those ladies, many in their 20s, 30s and 40s, were missing teeth. Some ladies with two holes in their smiles, others with 4 or 5 gaps.

Apparently, when the inmates have dental problems, if it is cheaper to pull a tooth than to fix it, then that tooth is pulled. It does not matter if it is one of their front teeth or not, it is pulled.

So we looked out across this room of women who without shame of their gap-toothed smiles were beaming with gratitude for how God was moving in their lives.

That is the Smile of the Second Chance.

While most of us are not in prison, we sometimes are trapped in prisons of our own making. We’ve been hit, hurt, dinged and damaged along the way. At times those hurts come from others through criticism or betrayal. At other times, they are self-inflicted wounds that we carry because we feel like we do not live up to expectations or somehow feel like the odd man out. We walk around trying to hide our imperfections and our shortcomings. Yes, we may grin … but we refuse to smile widely revealing the gaps in our teeth.

Jana’s Story from God Behind Bars on Vimeo.

And I wonder if it is time, as people and as leaders, to embrace our Smile of the Second Chance … living joyfully and without abandon in who God made us to be. Knowing that we all have imperfections and shortcomings, and not allowing those to take away from the joy of smiling ear-to-ear.

So … smile widely.

Second Chances: Justin Davis

May 23, 2011 in Adultery, Faith, Friends, Guest Bloggers, Marriage, Ministry with 14 Comments

I just got to spend a week with my good friends Justin and Trish Davis while I was in Nashville. Though our friendship has been consistent over the last two years (thanks to modern day technology), nothing is like a giant bear hug and a REAL conversation over coffee.

For those of you who don’t know, The Davis’ story is a lot like Brian and mine… but flip flopped. You can read more about their journey on their blog (which I listed below).

Justin and Trish are not strangers here at JenniClayville.com. They have guest posted before and I’m sure this won’t be the last time either. We are not only thankful for them as friends, but we are beyond grateful that they introduced us to the ultimate second chance in our marriage.

So, Justin is gonna kick off this week’s Second Chances Series.

Justin’s Blog: www.refineus.org
Justin’s Twitter: @justindavis33

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I’ve always been a fan of second chances. I’ve needed about 1000 second chances through out my lifetime. I am, in a sense, the king of second chances. A famous phrase for me growing up was “Just give me one more chance.”

• The first time I came home late and got grounded, I pleaded with my parents, “Give me one more chance.”
• The first time I got pulled over when I was sixteen years old and knew I was going to get a ticket, I begged the officer, “Please give me one more chance.”
• The time I overslept in college and missed a mid-term exam, I remember crying to my professor, “Please Mr. Clymer, give me one more chance.”
• When I got caught drinking at a bar my sophomore year of college, I sat in the dean of student’s office and bargained with him, “If you will just give me one more chance.”
• When I failed a class and was on the verge of not being academically eligible to play basketball, I found myself at the mercy of the registrar “Please, give me one more chance.”

People would always say things to me like “Justin, you have so much potential.” “Justin, if you would just make wiser choices, you could one day reach your potential.” “Justin, when you mature and grow into your giftedness, the potential that you have is so great.”

People who take second chances for granted don’t need to grow into their giftedness; they need to grow into their character. It doesn’t matter how many second chances we are given if we don’t do something with it.

The thing about second chances is that they aren’t guaranteed. You can run out of second chances. I thought I had run out of second chances when my affair happened in 2005. There was nowhere left to run. There was no more potential to try to reach.

What I’ve come to understand is that it isn’t how many chances you are given, it is what you learn from the failure that matters. When Trisha extended an underserved second chance, there was no way I was blowing it. There is no doubt that grace is unmerited favor, but how we choose to live after receiving grace makes all the difference in the world.

What could your marriage be if you valued second chances? Not expected them, but cherished them. What could your relationship with God be if you were grateful for second chances? Not took them for granted, but were committed to making the most out of them.

Second chances can change nothing.
But second chances can change everything.

Vow Renewal

May 23, 2010 in Adultery, Family, Friends, Life Experience, Marriage, Photography with 47 Comments

This weekend, Brian and I got to publically redeem our marriage with 30 of our closest friends and family members.

Brian and I decided to write our own vows this time. Thought I’d post them here.

Brian’s:

You have been part of my greatest moments of joy and my deepest pain.   I am grateful for the experience of both because of who I have become.  Today I am a stronger, better person because you are part of my life.  I am so thankful that our story has turned out better than so many.  I am so eager to see where our journey will take us over the next 30 years.  My prayer is that God would use our story to help hundreds of other people find their way back to God and restore broken relationships.

I intend to grow old, bald, wrinkly and wobbly with you (Lucky for you, I’ve pretty much already accomplished that).  I will strive to put your needs above my own.  I will cherish the busy, chaotic, stressful and challenging times with you by my side.  I will relish the times of relaxation, solitude, and pleasure with you.  I will always share my deepest fears and grandest dreams with you.  When I feel like shutting you out, I will embrace you and trust you with my heart.

When you are wounded, I will pick you up.  When you are joyful I will celebrate with you.  When you are scared I will embrace you.  When you feel lonely, I will hold you.  When you are threatened I will protect you.

I will do my best to seek God first in my life so I can be the spiritual leader you deserve. I will love you and only you.  I will always choose you!

Mine:

Well… obviously the first time I did this, it didn’t take so well. In fact, I don’t even remember what I said the first time around because I was so nervous and distracted from Renee losing the ring.

However, that was 9 years ago… and I’ve learned a lot since then. I still hate that it took the failure of our original marriage to realize my misguided understanding of what it takes to make our marriage a success… but I’m humbled and grateful for this second chance most couples don’t get to see OR experience.

So… for the next 99 years:
Instead of waiting for you to pick up your socks, I’ll just do it. I’m closer to the ground anyway.
Instead of kicking you when you’re snoring, I’ll just put earplugs in.
Instead of assuming what you didn’t say, I’ll ask you about your thoughts.
Instead of reading INTO what you DID say, I’ll take you for face value.
Instead of looking for what’s wrong, I’ll seek out all that’s right.
Instead of shouting to be heard, I’ll stop and listen.
Instead of waiting to be pursued, I’ll intentionally pursue you
Instead of justifying my wrongs, I’ll humbly say “I’m Sorry!”
Instead of looking to another man to determine my value, I’ll choose to see YOUR value.

Brian, now that I finally know what it means to love, I vow to not only love and respect you with all that God has created me with… but I promise to seek out God’s desires for me… for US, often and consistently. I promise to love our children unconditionally and raise them to love God and love others. I will teach them how to extend grace and compassion by example… by the example God revealed to me through you in my biggest failings.

I vow to see you and only YOU till I can’t see anymore. I promise to listen carefully for God’s promptings till my future hearing aids are merely ear jewelry. I promise to love you till I breathe my last breath. And I vow to never forget the second chance God gave me… gave us… to prove that His REDEMPTION is real in a broken and hurting world. And finally, I promise to remember God’s desire and PURPOSE for us.

He chose us for one word and action: Restoration.

Here are some photos (I’ll post more later) from when this weekend so far by Joshua (well, I took the photo of the boys, one was from Brent and one was from Crystal’s camera).

Diane & David Goodwin, Cathi Stegall, Crystal Renaud, Tammy Hodge, me, Mark Stegall.
Joshua White, Brent Hodge, Brian Clayville

Us and David & Diane Goodwin. David stood as Brian’s Best Man.

Renee Wong, Lynse Stevens, Diane Goodwin, Crystal Renaud, Rose Braun, Angela Lawton, me, Tammy Hodge, Cathi Stegall, Mikey Sison, Allison McKenney & Helen Wong (soon-to-be-Taylor).

This photo holds my heart: Renee Mytar, Jason Mytar, Tyler Braun, Rose Braun, Allison McKenney, Chad Stevens, Crystal Renaud, Lynse Stevens, Gary Jon Walleson, Angela Lawton, me, Brian, David Goodwin, Diane Goodwin, Helen Wong (soon-to-be-Taylor), Jesse Taylor, Mikey Sison, Tammy Hodge, Brent Hodge, Cathi Stegall & Mark Stegall.

God is good… all the time!

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Some of my friends’ write-ups:
David Goodwin
Tammy Hodge
Mark Stegall

ONE Thing with RefineUs.Org

February 16, 2010 in Adultery, Faith, Family, Friends, Guest Bloggers, Life Experience, Marriage, Ministry, Weblogs with 5 Comments

Today, Brian and I got the privilege to guest post over at RefineUs.org. Justin and Trisha are GREAT friends of ours and have built an amazing ministry out of their story. Talk about beauty from ashes.

If you didn’t know, Justin and Trish were an instrumental part to the restoration of Brian and my marriage. They are good people… OUR people.

Here’s an excerpt from our post:

When we got married (Brian was 26 & Jenni was 22), our thoughts and concerns at the time were about one thing: Our STATUS.

We’re not saying we didn’t love each other or that we shouldn’t have gotten married… we’re simply stating that our new “status” was more attractive than thinking about the reality of what marriage meant.

It wasn’t till after we divorced our old marriage that we FINALLY began to talk about these things. We talked about our dreams, our desires, our goals… and soon realized we both wanted …

To read more… CLICK HERE!

Check in there all week. They have a great line-up of guest-bloggers who are worth reading.

We’re Getting Married!

February 12, 2010 in Adultery, Family, Friends, Life Experience, Marriage with 104 Comments

As most of you know, Brian and I have divorced our old marriage and have started anew.

And as if him just giving me a second chance wasn’t good enough… he went ahead and did THIS last night:

(to watch in Vimeo, CLICK HERE!)

My man is the most amazing man IN THE WORLD.

CHEERS! … to second chances… to starting over…
… to making it better than it EVER was before!

It’s YOUR turn.

She’s Dying…

February 11, 2010 in Family, Garden, Motherhood, Personal Entries with 11 Comments

Vicki… Allison’s mother, is dying.

Alli is one of my closest friends… and her mother has ALWAYS been HER best friend. And, quite literally, at any minute, Vicki will be with Jesus. My heart hurts for Alli.

In all this happening so close to me, I keep trying to understand how she’s feeling…

… but I can’t.

I wish I could… but I just can’t. It feels as if I almost have an emotional barrier up that I can’t tear down because I don’t have the right tools.

I mean, I cry for Alli because I SEE she’s hurting and I pray for their family because I know they are devastated. They want MANY more years with Vicki… but won’t have it. But hurting FOR her is very different than feeling and understanding it for MYSELF.

My mother and I have never been close. I’m quite certain my mother never really wanted children… but she got us, so she did the best she could, which unfortunately, wasn’t all that great. I can’t speak for my sisters… but there’s a piece of love that I don’t understand or FEEL. I know HOW to love (to the best of my ability). I mean… I LOVE my husband and I LOVE my sons… but I don’t know how to RECEIVE love.

Part of me believes if I allow myself to receive love, then I’ll owe that person something I don’t want to give up later. Another part believes I’m not worthy of said love. And finally… the majority of me just doesn’t know how to accept it. Quite literally… I don’t know what to do with it once I’ve been handed a piece of someone’s heart. Weird? Yeah, I know.

Vicki OBVIOUSLY was and is an amazing mother and person. I remember a few years back, I “won” something from Jay (Alli’s husband) and as part of the gift, Vicki baked me some goods. She was sick, and REALLY didn’t need to bake me anything, but she did… out of love.

I want to be like Vicki.
I want to leave an incomparable legacy with Chance and Paxton.
I want my grandchildren to cherish my words to them.
I want to LOVE like Vicki…

… but more importantly… I want to BE loved like Vicki.

However, right now, I’m not allowing anyone to REALLY do that. Not even God. And without love… I’m dying.

I know I can be healed though. I know… and I also know, that very soon… Vicki’s body will be healed. Not her physical body… but the body that gets to live eternally with Jesus. An unbroken, unhurting, PERFECT body.

Please pray with me for the Whipps’ Family and everyone who’s connected to them.

… and for yourself… in where you need healing.

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UPDATE: I got the word tonight, Friday, February 12th, that Vicki has gone to be with Jesus. Her pain is gone… but Alli’s isn’t. Please continue praying for the Whipps’ Family.