I just saw some previews for our episode tonight.
You can view one of our online exclusives:
And the tv trailers:
Here’s one…
And the other one that we share with Audrey & Bob…
Just watching myself in these previews already makes me uncomfortable in my own skin. But I’m trusting God to do what He wants with our story.
OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network), channel 256, 9/8pm central.
… sorta.
Brian and I were asked to share our story of infidelity back in September of 2010 on for the show “Unfaithful” which happens to run on the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) on channel 256.
We were surprised when we were asked to share. Then, we were hesitant. We asked a million questions… our story is very public, but television is a whole ‘nother level of public… and we don’t have any control of how they edit or re-tell our words. A million thoughts plagued me.
I don’t want other people getting hurt.
My words could get twisted.
The world is going to call me an adulterous whore.
What if I say the wrong thing?
Oh my word! It’s Oprah’s network!
But it takes more than counseling and wishful thinking to heal a marriage.
I think that was our biggest holdback. Our story is about MORE than just my affair… it’s about my whole life as I’ve lived it. It’s about the dysfunction of my heart and mind that poisoned my marriage and God’s hand in healing us despite all of it. Though we are HUGE advocates of counseling and coaching… the healing of our marriage was nothing short of a miracle.
GOD healed our marriage. God restored our lives.
Brian and I prayed long and hard about it. And after a week of consideration, Brian said:
“God is all powerful. He can send a message through any medium. Even if they edit out all our mentions of God, He can still speak to the heart of the viewer. We are merely the voice on a platform.”
So we went ahead.
We spent over 20 hours in interview time on the phone. We hashed out our stories and re-hashed them again. They wanted so many details. Details that God had already thankfully blocked from my memory. Even with the blockage, Brian and I re-lived those first days when I confessed my infidelity. We were exhausted. Then, in November, they came out to our home in Portland and filmed us. They also filmed our therapist (she’s so great!).
Overall… we spent about 35 hours to help make this segment without compensation of any kind. Every person who shared their story on this series did so voluntarily.
Our prayer in our participation was to help those who might find themselves in the same place we once were to hear this:
You are NOT alone.
You are NOT unlovable.
You can be restored to an even better you.
God is in the business of miracles.
Jesus has already paid for your mistakes.
I think we’re the season finale. I say “I think” because I’m not sure I have any idea what’s going on. We were originally told by our producer that our episode, the season finale, would also be running on the 11th, but the schedule on the OWN website says we’re on next Monday the 18th at 9pm and re-running on Monday the 25th at 10pm.
So, tune in if you’d like. If you know someone going through the wreckage of infidelity… tell them about it too. And pray. Pray with us that more good will be done because of our segment… in this whole series. For hope to be planted in the hearts of the hopeless. And for every word we say to point to Jesus.
And for Oprah… for hosting a forum for such a taboo subject.
Today, I’m guest posting over at Leading and Loving It for ‘After the Wedding Wednesday.
In April of 2009, I finally told Brian about my affair. The affair had lasted two years, but I let it steal three from my family and me by hiding it and not revealing it in all its ugliness.
You see, secrets were something I kept well. I had a lot of secrets, so I thought, “why not just add this one to the list?” I never told ANYONE. I was never caught. But as I tried to keep this one hidden, it felt as if my soul was tearing away from me. The affair was no longer taking me away from my marriage and family, but now, I was stealing ME from myself. Worst of all, it was claiming everything I ever had with Jesus.
In my secrets, I was holding back any and every blessing I could have been or given to my kids and husband. I thought I was self-preserving… but in reality, I was self-mutilating my heart. I was failing at everything. In my quest to prevent complete brokenness, I soon found myself failing even that.
Brokenness ensued… and I embraced it…
To read more, CLICK HERE.
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Today is Brian and my 10 year anniversary. A DECADE! A decade’s worth of second chances. Second chances to the second chances to the second chances.
And as beautiful as today is, it will always trigger bittersweet feelings.
I think the most difficult part of receiving a second chance is I’m still in the same skin that chose an affair 5 years ago. When I look at myself in the mirror, it’s the same face that lied to my husband. And unless I get some drastic plastic surgery soon, that fact won’t change.
But the truth is I AM different. My spirit is different. I know different. And most importantly… my heart is different.
Without my biggest failure and the second chance I received after it, I wouldn’t know how to extend grace today JUST like I didn’t know how to extend it back then. Like my good friend, Laura Lasky, has said to me many times: “You can NOT give what you don’t know how to receive.”
With that… I thought I’d re-post our renewal vows from last year.
Brian’s:
You have been part of my greatest moments of joy and my deepest pain. I am grateful for the experience of both because of who I have become. Today I am a stronger, better person because you are part of my life. I am so thankful that our story has turned out better than so many. I am so eager to see where our journey will take us over the next 30 years. My prayer is that God would use our story to help hundreds of other people find their way back to God and restore broken relationships.
I intend to grow old, bald, wrinkly and wobbly with you (Lucky for you, I’ve pretty much already accomplished that). I will strive to put your needs above my own. I will cherish the busy, chaotic, stressful and challenging times with you by my side. I will relish the times of relaxation, solitude, and pleasure with you. I will always share my deepest fears and grandest dreams with you. When I feel like shutting you out, I will embrace you and trust you with my heart.
When you are wounded, I will pick you up. When you are joyful I will celebrate with you. When you are scared I will embrace you. When you feel lonely, I will hold you. When you are threatened I will protect you.
I will do my best to seek God first in my life so I can be the spiritual leader you deserve. I will love you and only you. I will always choose you!
Mine:
Well… obviously the first time I did this, it didn’t take so well. In fact, I don’t even remember what I said the first time around because I was so nervous and distracted from Renee losing the ring.
However, that was 9 years ago… and I’ve learned a lot since then. I still hate that it took the failure of our original marriage to realize my misguided understanding of what it takes to make our marriage a success… but I’m humbled and grateful for this second chance most couples don’t get to see OR experience.
So… for the next 99 years:
Instead of waiting for you to pick up your socks, I’ll just do it. I’m closer to the ground anyway.
Instead of kicking you when you’re snoring, I’ll just put earplugs in.
Instead of assuming what you didn’t say, I’ll ask you about your thoughts.
Instead of reading INTO what you DID say, I’ll take you for face value.
Instead of looking for what’s wrong, I’ll seek out all that’s right.
Instead of shouting to be heard, I’ll stop and listen.
Instead of waiting to be pursued, I’ll intentionally pursue you
Instead of justifying my wrongs, I’ll humbly say “I’m Sorry!”
Instead of looking to another man to determine my value, I’ll choose to see YOUR value.Brian, now that I finally know what it means to love, I vow to not only love and respect you with all that God has created me with… but I promise to seek out God’s desires for me… for US, often and consistently. I promise to love our children unconditionally and raise them to love God and love others. I will teach them how to extend grace and compassion by example… by the example God revealed to me through you in my biggest failings.
I vow to see you and only YOU till I can’t see anymore. I promise to listen carefully for God’s promptings till my future hearing aids are merely ear jewelry. I promise to love you till I breathe my last breath. And I vow to never forget the second chance God gave me… gave us… to prove that His REDEMPTION is real in a broken and hurting world. And finally, I promise to remember God’s desire and PURPOSE for us.
He chose us for one word and action: Restoration.
YOU TOO ARE WORTH A SECOND CHANCE. Always and forever worth it.
You just need to extend your hand to receive it.
This week is Brian and my anniversary week.
On May 27th of 2001, Brian and I were married. Young and naive about life… but in love… or at least in like.
In July of 2006, I chose to step into a full blown affair that lasted 2 years. For another year, I held onto that weight… thinking I would go to my grave with this secret.
On April 24th of 2009, in a hotel room in Orlando, Florida, I finally confessed it all to Brian.
After months and months (more like years) of intense and challenging counseling, coaching and a consistent prayer circle of friends, we decided… together… that we are better together than apart.
On May 22nd of 2010, in front of our closest friends and family members, Brian and I renewed our wedding vows.
We renewed our vows the week before our actual wedding anniversary so, to mark our in-between week, I thought I’d focus this whole week on second chances. I’ve received the ultimate second chance with my sweet husband… and as a result have received every other second chance I never knew I needed.
I have some amazing friends guest blogging this week about second chances:
Monday: Justin Davis
Tuesday: Lori Wilhite
Wednesday: Mike Foster
Thursday: Cindy Beall
Friday: Brian and I will wrap it up
So, if you’re out there today… wondering… thinking that you’re out of hope and out of chances… hang on, because this week is for you.
We are People of the Second Chance.
God knows I need it.
It’s been a year.
Last year, at this time, our family and closest friends came from all over the world to celebrate with us.
This coming weekend marks Brian & my new anniversary.
It’s been a year…
… since we renewed our wedding vows.
… since we publicly declared we’re in for life… again.
… since we publicly divorced our old marriage.
A year.
And though most of this is amazing and worth celebrating, this year also triggers the bitter memories of WHY we had to renew our vows.
We all celebrate the good, but sometimes we forget that recognize good because bad is also present. So, while Brian and I celebrate the restoration of our marriage, know we are also praying for you:
… for those of you who have contacted us and your marriages are hurting.
… for those of you who haven’t yet but your story is painfully similar to ours.
… for those of you who feel hopeless.
We know. We’ve been there. I’m so sorry. But there is redemption on the other side if you choose it. And a new beginning is possible.
Renewal: The new beginning from Jay McKenney on Vimeo.
“Everybody wants to love… and everybody wants to be loved.”
What’s the new beginning you so desperately need today?
How can we pray for you?
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