| Tag Archive | Trisha Davis

Tag Archive - Trisha Davis

Second Chances: Justin Davis

May 23, 2011 in Adultery, Faith, Friends, Guest Bloggers, Marriage, Ministry with 14 Comments

I just got to spend a week with my good friends Justin and Trish Davis while I was in Nashville. Though our friendship has been consistent over the last two years (thanks to modern day technology), nothing is like a giant bear hug and a REAL conversation over coffee.

For those of you who don’t know, The Davis’ story is a lot like Brian and mine… but flip flopped. You can read more about their journey on their blog (which I listed below).

Justin and Trish are not strangers here at JenniClayville.com. They have guest posted before and I’m sure this won’t be the last time either. We are not only thankful for them as friends, but we are beyond grateful that they introduced us to the ultimate second chance in our marriage.

So, Justin is gonna kick off this week’s Second Chances Series.

Justin’s Blog: www.refineus.org
Justin’s Twitter: @justindavis33

————————–

I’ve always been a fan of second chances. I’ve needed about 1000 second chances through out my lifetime. I am, in a sense, the king of second chances. A famous phrase for me growing up was “Just give me one more chance.”

• The first time I came home late and got grounded, I pleaded with my parents, “Give me one more chance.”
• The first time I got pulled over when I was sixteen years old and knew I was going to get a ticket, I begged the officer, “Please give me one more chance.”
• The time I overslept in college and missed a mid-term exam, I remember crying to my professor, “Please Mr. Clymer, give me one more chance.”
• When I got caught drinking at a bar my sophomore year of college, I sat in the dean of student’s office and bargained with him, “If you will just give me one more chance.”
• When I failed a class and was on the verge of not being academically eligible to play basketball, I found myself at the mercy of the registrar “Please, give me one more chance.”

People would always say things to me like “Justin, you have so much potential.” “Justin, if you would just make wiser choices, you could one day reach your potential.” “Justin, when you mature and grow into your giftedness, the potential that you have is so great.”

People who take second chances for granted don’t need to grow into their giftedness; they need to grow into their character. It doesn’t matter how many second chances we are given if we don’t do something with it.

The thing about second chances is that they aren’t guaranteed. You can run out of second chances. I thought I had run out of second chances when my affair happened in 2005. There was nowhere left to run. There was no more potential to try to reach.

What I’ve come to understand is that it isn’t how many chances you are given, it is what you learn from the failure that matters. When Trisha extended an underserved second chance, there was no way I was blowing it. There is no doubt that grace is unmerited favor, but how we choose to live after receiving grace makes all the difference in the world.

What could your marriage be if you valued second chances? Not expected them, but cherished them. What could your relationship with God be if you were grateful for second chances? Not took them for granted, but were committed to making the most out of them.

Second chances can change nothing.
But second chances can change everything.

Trisha Davis: YOU

August 17, 2010 in Adultery, Faith, Friends, Guest Bloggers, Life Experience, Marriage with 42 Comments

We heard from Justin earlier today, but my favorite Davis is Trisha.

Trish was one of the first three people I told about my affair. In the midst of it all, she never abandoned me… and kept reminding me that neither did God.

When she said she was praying for me… I knew SHE WAS PRAYING. She was constant with checking in and speaking grace over me. She was the EXACT friend I needed at that EXACT time.

In this post, Trish takes us back to that day she realized her life as she had known it was over. She even gives us a glimpse of her personal journal entry here. And the love and forgiveness that spills out in her re-living that moment makes me want to live a more faithful and trusting life with my Savior. I have such a long way to go… but I am so thankful for a friend like Trish who lovingly reminds me of Who’s REALLY in control.

Trish’s Blog: www.refineourmarriage.com
Trish’s Twitter: @trishadavis23

**************************

October 9, 2005 the morning began with a beautiful sunrise. I had woken-up at 4:30AM knowing I had to be at church by 6:30AM for rehearsal. Two hours and a brand new outfit was surely what I needed to make myself beautiful. I thought to myself “If I make myself as beautiful as possible then I know he will choose me.”

Church began and I found myself on a stage singing words like “How great is our God.” It was all I could do to lead and not run off the stage in tears. Then Justin spoke. He was sick and losing his voice and I remember him speaking as if all was well. Then it was time for that last song. I’m not sure if I sang it with a heart of desperation or just complete numbness. It was a song by Joy Williams Called “Hide” here are the lyrics:

To anyone who hides behind a smile
To anyone who holds their pain inside
To anyone who thinks they’re not good enough
To anyone who feels unworthy of love
To anyone who ever closed the door
Closed their eyes and locked themselves away

You don’t have to hide
You don’t have to hide anymore
You don’t have to face this on your own
You don’t have to hide anymore

So come out, come out, come out wherever you are
To anyone who’s tryin’ to cover up their scars
To anyone who’s ever made a big mistake
We’ve all been there, so don’t be ashamed
Come out, come out and join the rest of us
You’ve been alone for way too long

And if you feel like no one understands
Come to the One with scars on His hands
‘Cause He knows where you are, where you’ve been
His scars will heal you if you let Him

As soon as I was done I scooped-up my three boys then ages 2,6 & 9 and raced home. Exhausted from the morning I decided to take a nap in my bed with my little guy. An hour had past and I awoke to a frantic Justin yelling at me to get-up. I was a bit disoriented as he kept repeating, “I’m not in love with you, I’m not in love with you.” Then his next words would change my life forever… “I’m having an affair…with your best friend.”

Have you ever watched one of those 20/20’s about a person who should have seen all the signs and didn’t. You’re so frustrated that you’re yelling at the TV “why won’t you run?” That was me. All the signs were there and instead of confronting I tried to woo him back (from what I didn’t know). I just needed to try. It was like I knew it was happening but deep down I just had to be wrong! For my children… I had to be wrong… for my church family….

I. HAD. TO. BE. WRONG.

Within 24 hours I had lost my husband, my best friend, and my church family. I had to sit my children down and tell them “Daddy isn’t coming home.” I went upstairs to our room and packed every ounce of Justin’s clothing smelling and clinging to each piece before I packed it away. Within 24 hours I lost the life I had always known.

Two days later, I went to the only place I knew and this is what I prayed.

I’m being very vulnerable here. This is NOT FOR SHOCK factor. In fact, I just got this post to Jenni at the last minute because I just didn’t know if I could share it. But I couldn’t stop thinking about

YOU

YOU hurting, broken and shattered looking for hope!

YOU whose been reading our blog and want to package our story thinking God did this for us but he won’t for you.

YOU the “Cheater” who feels like there is no hope for healing and restoration because of how badly you’ve messed-up

Mark 10:27 (New Living Translation)
27 Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But not with God. Everything is possible with God.”

Today I pray you find hope that Jesus is as real as my story and commit to reading his word and daily giving your wounds to Him. I can’t promise that your marriage will be saved but I can promise that He will do the impossible in you… Heal.

*************************

It’s YOUR turn to heal… but you must choose it.

Justin Davis: My Fatal Mistake

August 16, 2010 in Adultery, Faith, Friends, Guest Bloggers, Life Experience, Marriage with 43 Comments

Our friends, Justin and Trisha Davis have been instrumental in the confession and healing of Brian and my dysfunctional marriage.

They spoke truth to us when everyone else was speechless.
They listened, even when I had nothing else to say.
They loved me when I was most undeserving.

They did this because they had BEEN where we were. They did all this because they already knew what was next for us. The only difference for them was our roles were reversed. Trish = Brian & Justin = me. Criss Cross Applesauce… ish.

Through complete vulnerability and authenticity, Justin & Trish have helped many, MANY couples through marriage junk. Their willingness to be raw and unfiltered leads the rest of us to drop our facade and desire truth as they do. As God wants us to.

I’m thankful that two of my good friends are speaking out here today. This morning, we start with Justin.

Justin’s Blog: www.refineus.org
Justin’s Twitter: @justindavis33

********************************

There are certain things that I write about and talk about that are harder than others. The most difficult things to discuss for me are the personal, intentional decisions that I made to have an affair. Selfish. Cruel. Mean. Dark.

There are some things in life we can chalk up to circumstances. There are some things that we can attribute to someone else’s choices. But then there are the things in life that we choose that cause tremendous hurt and damage and have severe consequences. Those are what haunt me the most. My thoughts are typically “If I would have just chosen to do that one thing differently.” “Things could have been so much different if I would have done this…” Haunting.

I heard someone say one time in reference to making mistakes “You can stub your toe a hundred times, but you can only cut your throat once.” For me, I had two decision points…one that was near fatal, and one that decimated not only my family, but also another family and an entire church.

About eight weeks before the affair started, I found myself talking with a good friend. He was sharing with me from his heart. Sharing with me his struggles. Sharing with me some issues with his marriage. In that moment, I felt prompted by the Holy Spirit, “Justin, you can share your struggles with him. You can share your lust issues with him. You can share your pornography issues with him. This is safe…you can be free.”

As quickly as that prompting came to mind, so did fear. Fear of being judged. Fear of being misunderstood. Fear of being seen as a failure. Fear of being fired.

That one decision, to hide, set up the kill shot.

A few weeks later, I was in the middle of planning out a message series on “Things that Jesus Said.” The message that I was working on was centered on the passage where Jesus said, “If your eye causes you to sin, gauge it out.” In my mind, I knew that I had impure thoughts about this woman. I knew in my mind that I was sinning by hiding my thoughts and my feelings. So rather than talk with a friend; rather than have coffee with a pastor buddy of mine that loved and cared for me; instead of talking to my wife about this, I chose to go to this individual and share my feelings with her.

What is the most sick about this is that in my mind I was being spiritual. In my mind I was doing what was right. In my mind, this is what Jesus would want me to do. My mind was so jacked! By telling this person, I avoided accountability and gave her the opportunity to reciprocate.

Fatal mistake.

My marriage ended that day. By the grace and mercy of God I have been recreated. By the unconditional love and forgiveness of my wife, our marriage has been restored. I’m forever grateful.

I often think how things would have been different if I would have shared my struggles with a friend. Because of that, part of my passion is to provide a safe place to have honest conversations before the fatal mistake is made.

What if there were a place for leaders, pastors and people to go and share their struggles before they become fatal? How many marriages could be saved? How many affairs could be avoided? How many kids could live with both parents instead of alternating weekends?

Can I just encourage you to not make the same mistake I did? If you have feelings for someone in your office; if you have lustful thoughts about someone at the gym; if you are in an increasingly intense texting or Facebook relationship with someone who isn’t your spouse…tell someone. Don’t move from stubbing your toe to cutting your throat. It will be fatal.

*************************

How are YOU muffling the Holy Spirit?

ONE Thing with RefineUs.Org

February 16, 2010 in Adultery, Faith, Family, Friends, Guest Bloggers, Life Experience, Marriage, Ministry, Weblogs with 5 Comments

Today, Brian and I got the privilege to guest post over at RefineUs.org. Justin and Trisha are GREAT friends of ours and have built an amazing ministry out of their story. Talk about beauty from ashes.

If you didn’t know, Justin and Trish were an instrumental part to the restoration of Brian and my marriage. They are good people… OUR people.

Here’s an excerpt from our post:

When we got married (Brian was 26 & Jenni was 22), our thoughts and concerns at the time were about one thing: Our STATUS.

We’re not saying we didn’t love each other or that we shouldn’t have gotten married… we’re simply stating that our new “status” was more attractive than thinking about the reality of what marriage meant.

It wasn’t till after we divorced our old marriage that we FINALLY began to talk about these things. We talked about our dreams, our desires, our goals… and soon realized we both wanted …

To read more… CLICK HERE!

Check in there all week. They have a great line-up of guest-bloggers who are worth reading.

Things For Restoration

January 19, 2010 in Adultery, Faith, Friends, Life Experience, Marriage, Ministry with 6 Comments

As most of you know, Justin & Trish are good friends of ours. They played a HUGE part in the restoration of Brian and my marriage after my affair.

Today… Justin wrote an amazing post about the steps you NEED to take if you truly want restoration in your marriage and in your life.

Totally surrender and repent before God
Cut all ties with the person whom you have had the affair
Submit every minute of your life to a trusted friend
Get to a Christian counselor that specializes in marriage restoration
Come clean early and often as you try to rebuild trust
Be willing to do whatever it takes to restore your marriage

I posted his points here but you REALLY need to read everything in between for the full picture. CLICK HERE to read all of it.

With that said… I’d just like to add this:

It’s about MORE than just your marriage (and if you’re not married… your FUTURE marriage)… it’s about your relationship with GOD. When I was choosing my affair, I was not only giving my husband and family my sloppy seconds… but giving God even less. That’s not His desire for us.

God desires for us to be completely united with Him first and foremost.

He wants to bless us with the most amazing gifts.
He wants to break our hearts with the things that break His.
He wants us to see compassion through His eyes.
He wants us to feel community the way He does with Jesus and the Spirit.
He wants us to experience life the way He intended us to… without barriers.

When we choose something/someone else before Him… we don’t get to live within our true potential or purpose. We lose ourselves… and THAT… is devastating.

Go… Read… Soak it in…
… CHANGE.

——————————

Update: For Trisha’s response… CLICK HERE!

Trisha Davis

October 7, 2009 in Faith, Friends, Marriage, Ministry with 1 Comment

Trish and Justin Davis are good friends of ours that have played a MAJOR role in where Brian and I are today (you can read HERE how we met and how God orchestrated our lives to collide).

I am beyond grateful for my friendship with Trisha. She has been one of my biggest cheerleaders, encouragers and prayer warriors in the past seven months. All this to say…

Trisha just launched her own personal blog.