Many have the most amazing relationships with their siblings.
(Me, Helen & Renee on my Mom’s Porch Swing)
I do… with one of them. Helen and I have always gotten along and have never fought. It may be that she’s 6 years younger than me and her personality is pretty rad. I mean… she really gets along with just about everyone. She’s the peacemaker in our family.
My other sister, Renee, is two years younger than me. She and I are just about as polar opposites as you can get. If it weren’t for the fact that we’re sisters, we would most likely have nothing to do with each other.
Renee likes to give and receive gifts. I could care less about gifts. She talks in circles. I get straight to the point. She is VERY considerate of those around her and extremely inclusive. I am INconsiderate most of the time and pretty exclusive. She’s a dreamer. I’m so practical, I’m like Debbie Downer.
I have spent 20 of my 30 years writing Renee off. I gave up on us ever having “that kind” of relationship because we were just too different. We’re both not very careful with our tongues… she just keeps talking so eventually something hurtful comes out, and I just am quick to speak with her and painfully blunt… so we hurt each other.
Well… it’s time for some brutal honesty.
Last week, in my personal quiet time, I realized that I have hurt her more than she’s hurt me. I’m older… I’m not as sensitive… and I just had that wall up so high, I never thought who else I was keeping out. I was so busy building my walls and protecting myself, I locked someone important out to fend for herself in the gale-force winds and merciless storms. I abandoned my little sister… who needed me to protect her, invite her in and love her. In my doing “nothing”, I told her she was WORTH nothing to me.
I failed…
It’s time for me to mend what I broke. I know I’m not responsible for what choices she makes… but I AM responsible for what I hurl at her and what I throw in “her pool”. I need to stop littering.
So, I called her and told her I wanted more for our relationship than just to talk of the weather and my kids (that’s seriously all we ever talked about which is VASTLY different than what Helen and I talk about). She said she’s not sure she’s ready for this since I’ve given her NOTHING to trust that I won’t stomp all over her heart again.
She’s right… but what she doesn’t know is that I’m determined to become a safe place for her. It will probably take years. Maybe even a million… but the healing God has blessed me with after I hit rock bottom is not only for me. I cannot in good conscience live life changed and not make things right in the people I have wronged.
So, I called her… and I will call her again… and again.
I failed…
… but I am NOT a failure.
What relationships in your life do you need to make the first call?
i have always wanted a sister. i am praying with you that your relationship with Renee can be restored and renewed.
and i’ve always wanted a brother… and to not be the first born. so… there’s that.
i have a brother for sale.
hmmm… maybe you should read the post again, tard.
oops.
haaaaaaahahahaha!
I am blessed with the world’s best siblings. Don;t try arguing with me about it either.
This post reminds me of how I found the basic premise of “My Name Is Earl” so interesting and the execution so not… So yeah, go with the biblical restoration model, not Earl’s
My Name Is Earl? ahahahahaha!
i love your heart. i admire your willingness to own your mistakes and (dare i say it) sin. and your tenacity and commitment to make things right (as much as it is in your power to do).
just be real. be you. however long it may take, it’s worth it. because your sister will see you and your beautiful heart. and she will love you.
just for you.
i hate when i hit submit too quick.
i also want to say that i know that phone call was hard to make in ways i don’t even understand. i give you a lot of credit simply for dialing the number. you’re choosing the hard. and i applaud you.
you’re awesome, alece! thank you!
Yeah, yeah, Jen! I need to call both of you more.
love you, baby girl! thank you for being a good example of HOW to be a sister. you’re rad-a-licious.
I love this! I have had to do the same thing with my siblings, both a sister and a brother… so even though you’ve always wanted a brother, the same things happen! You DID NOT fail Jenni! You are human and you need to remember that! The Lord is working in your heart and THAT is what is important. My sister did the same thing to me when I called, she wasn’t ready. But you just keep trying and keep loving and keep praying and the Lord will bless your relationship with Renee far greater than you ever imagined and quite possibly in a different way than you imagined! I know Renee loves you and I know you love her… and that’s where it all starts!!
I love you my friend! xoxo
love you, too, SJ! i’m so blessed to call you “friend”.
I love your honesty.
I love this and I am sure it will pay off, it may be hard, very hard but you will see the fruits of your efforts.
that’s what i’m praying for.
Thanks for making an effort not to throw things in my pool anymore.
Just know there are a lot of things in there (not all from you either).. so it’s gonna be a minute til it’s clean and ready for swimming.
Don’t give up on me. I acknowledge it took a lot for you to admit that you were mean and unfair to me – sometimes intentionally.. and pretty much only to me and that you want things to be different. Just know that as you called.. I also answered.. and stayed on the phone with you. So I am hoping too that one day I can truly believe you.
The good news is that we can only go up from here and as far as you want… if you are willing to try. I’m willing to leave the door to my heart ajar so that you can come in. The work will be hard.. for both of us.
love you!