This is my 4th year being a Mother (yes, I count the year I was pregnant with Chance because I was miserable… so THAT COUNTS!!!)… and I still have a difficult time feeling perfectly joyous on this day.
For those of you who don’t know, Brian and I struggled with infertility for half our marriage. Chance was a miracle… but for the years I was barren, I was all too aware of what Mother’s Day meant… or DIDN’T mean for me. To this day, though I am BEYOND thankful for my children, my heart still hurts for all those who can’t have children, or have lost children.
I am more aware of the hurt on these “holidays” than I am about the joy of it. That’s what happens when you’re a pessimist, I guess.
For those of you out there hurting today… know you’re not alone. Not only are there many of us who know and understand how you feel, but God feels our pain as well. I’m sorry today was another day you felt empty or forgotten, but I promise you, you’re not.
Matt actually started out his sermon addressing this deep-seeded hurt. I was quite impressed actually.
Here was today’s Sunday Setlist:
- Better Than Life – Marty Sampson
- God of Wonders – Marc Byrd & Steve Hindalong
- How Great Is Our God – Chris Tomlin
- From the Inside Out – Joel Houston
- I Worship You – Generation Unleashed
- Jesus Paid It All – Kristian Stanfill Version
Highlights: I love “I Worship You”. That was one of the songs I introduced to the Sunset Students Houseboat camp last summer. Seriously one of my favorites because it’s my heart cry. Cuz even though I’m a sinner,:
You knew me long ago
You called me out by name
Made me with purpose, Lord
To worship You everyday
I am obviously still learning what that means… but the words give me hope.
We also played THIS video to open Matt’s talk:
The Mom Song from samktan samktan on Vimeo.
HILARIOUS!!!
Lowlights: I’m pretty tired today. I had a bad night. I actually passed out on the floor on my way to Paxton’s room for his midnight feeding. Kinda scary. I’m emotionally, physically and mentally drained. I’m also fighting something flu-ish… keyword: FIGHTING… cuz IT hasn’t won yet. I’m a ninja, so I’ll probably win.
After church, Brian took me and the boys to SUSHI, my favorite! Then, we just walked around window shopping for a bit. Here was the best part of this weekend:
Brian has NEVER made anything artsy-fartsy before. He MADE this for me from an old mirror we had hanging around. It has more meaning to me than I can express… words will never do it justice.
WOW.
What a story you have!
I learn something new everytime i visit your blog!
I’m glad you guys addressed the darker side of this holiday- i think many people sometimes get that feeling of rejection when they struggle with something as heavy as a loss of a kid or the inability to have kids- and it’s comforting to know that people know where you’ve been.
Great set list
and you’re mirror is insanely cool.
he scored major points!
Wow, it’s so hard to lead when you’re feeling that sick.. hope you are better.. and quick!
I’m with you on the dark side.. yesterday I read a blog called “Do you want to die on mother’s day?” and it caused me to change a lot of my verbal from sat. night to sun. am.
Love the video..
Happy Mother’s day!
Ooooh my goodness. I forgot all about that video *wipes tears of laughter away* Too awesome.
AND…that is my kinda set! Love it. We haven’t done Better Than Life in a long time, and I think it’s about time to resurrect it.
Sounds like you had a perfect Mother’s Day. Good setlist, too. Being a parent is just about the best thing about life.
That mirror is great. Go Brian!
What an awesome story Jenni! The mirror is such a sweet and thoughtful gift. It sounds like you had a great day.
Thanks guys… I guess I just assume everyone knows my story. I guess not.
Hey Jenni… I just found you through Sarah Markleys blog… and ended up here on this post. Thank you. Our stories parallel in so many ways…. not many people talk about the pain of Mothers Day though, especially those who finally made it into the Mommy Club.
This is “month #44″ of our wait. The pain does not get any easier, but there is a depth of knowing Jesus in the midst of the pain that is unlike any comfort or strength I have ever known. Still, when another person remembers and understands, it means so much.
Thank you:)
StacyK – I am SO sorry!!! I will NEVER forget that pain and HATE that you have to go through that at all. The depth of knowing Jesus gives us comfort during the pain… but the pain is still there.